My H left a year ago today. A year ago yesterday he said he wanted a divorce, having never mentioned that anything was wrong. A year ago today he called from work as I was making dinner to say he was going to stay with "friends". Sometimes it seems like only yesterday.

God Nellie,<P>your post was like a knife in my heart.<P>I never knew my H felt so bad either. I really believed we needed time together, a holiday or something, not an AFFAIR.<P>We can be divorced on Aug 15. However, I feel that it is May that is our anniversery of Ow entering our lives, as that is when he started his new job, and met her.<P>It is nearly a year since discovery I guess, but you're right, it does seem like yesterday. I wonder if they will ever realise what it is like, to be on the receiveing end of this crap.....<P>Take care of you, and a big hug to you<P>Jo

My H's first wife left him two months after they married, so he should know something about what it is like to be on the receiving end. But then again, he is incapable of any emotions other than anger. I doubt that any betrayer who could leave their family could possibly be capable of any other emotions.<P>Apparently I didn't successfully meet what was apparently his most important emotional need - financial stability. He told me that he couldn't separate his feelings about me from his feelings about our financial situation. Of course he never bothered to mention that he wanted me to put our four youngest children in daycare and go back to work. Once again the person with the most money, in this case the OW, gets what she wants.<p>[This message has been edited by Nellie1 (edited February 22, 2000).]

Nellie,<P>It seems that a lot of betrayers, want this life, the family, the wife, the career, then the going gets tough, the financial strains, and the betrayer feels the need to "make himself happy" and just leave. It is totally unfair and irresponsible. I hate this whole life right now.<P>A year, wow, in 2 days, I will be on 2 months, and it seems like 2 years, I can't bear to be in this much pain a year from now.<P>I am suspecting that my H is totally nuts and all my Plan A would be a waste of time. I am going to pick myself up, find some way to make myself happy and move on. If my H loves me enough, he will beg and plead one day even if I am with someone new. I am not planning on putting myself through torture for a year, thats for sure.<P>Hope you are feeling OK today. Prayers are with you! Dana

Dana,<P>Thanks for your support.<P>I wish I could tell you it will get easier. Hopefully it will for you - the fact that you are so young will hopefully help.<P>Everytime I dream about my H, which is every week or so, I dream that he is with us again. Then I wake up and am plunged into the nightmare again. <P>Today has, unfortunately, been pretty crummy.<P>

Nellie,<BR>Today is an anniversary for me too. Today is the 14th anniversary of our first date. YUK!<BR>I'll have to say, all in all, I've done very well. I had a couple crying jags but nothing I couldn't get under control in a couple minutes.I've had the urge to call him all day but to him it would be a love buster right now. <P>Hang in there honey! It has to get better for you sometime!<P>Prayers,<BR>Mitzi

Nellie,<P>Everyone says that time helps and I've said that myself a couple of times. I beginning to believe its not true. It's been ten months for me and I am not much better than when it started. I wish I was as able to move on and forget like my ex is. Of course, if I had another man to fill the void,(not that I want one) maybe I wouldn't feel the loss either. One thing that makes it so hard for me is that I now shoulder all the responsibility while he has his fun and doesn't have a care in the world. You would think a decent father could still help his ex with the things the children need, but he can't tear himself from the OW to see if I need any help. I have a full time job, part time school, and the burden of a big house with five acres. When my mower was torn up last summer, every time he picked the kids up he could see how high the grass was, and didn't bat an eye. His children play on that lawn. When we were expecting a big snowstorm, he didn't even call to see if we needed any supplies in case of power outage.<BR>He's washed his hands of all responsibility.<P>AD

Hi Nellie,<BR> You doing OK? Yes,it seems like only yesterday I was designing a brand new kitchen for my W,when she informed me she was sleeping with another man.Like you I'll never,ever forget that day.I'll never understand how people can be so cruel.Makes me want to go live up in the woods alone.If money is what's holding your H's relationship together,it makes me wonder how long THAT can last?I still have nightmares,too.Will they ever go away?Take care. --Murph

Mitzi,<P>I'm sorry to hear it's been a bad day for you, too. Unfortunately, when you have been together a long time, there are so many anniversaries, and so much to remind you of them.<P>AD,<P>I don't believe that it gets easier, either. I would love to have your 5 acres, though. I am also so tired of having to do everything myself.<P>Murph,<P>I don't understand the cruelty, either.<P>The only times my H has been happy have been when he had enough money to live comfortably. Unfortunately, I think he would be reluctant to give up the financial security she offers.