I haven't cried for so long, I thought those tears were long gone....<P>I don't know what has happened....<P>Does this mean all those feelings are starting to resurface? God, with all my heart, don't let me go through that again.<P>I am going to Melb this weekend, it is his bday. His bday present is a visit from his two beautiful girls. Maybe that is what has me so upset. I never wanted to leave Melb. I loved my 11 years there, and would live there until I die, if I had my way. However, my family is here, and I needed them.<P>Maybe I'm scared to see him, to talk to him in person. It has been so long.<P>He has been ringing twice, three times a day, and I got 3 emails from him today. I haven't had 3 emails in a 'MONTH' before now.<P>Is he starting to come back to reality.??<P>I guess only time will tell.<P>Jo<P>

Dear Jo, although I don't really can get the clear story of your situation, I would like to say to you, just let your tears run out your eyes - don't try hard to stop them - you might feel better after crying, even though it is a hard cry. Sometimes we just don't know where is the way out, we feel so lost and 'heartbreaking' and 'depressed',,, we need to have a relief. But remember, after crying, stand up again and face your life tomorrow. You can cry but do not let your crying ruin your daily life. <P>I am an emotional person - and I would be crying easily for small matter. My relationship with my ex-fiance is very heartbreaking and painful TO ME (may be not a big deal in other people's eye), I have left him more than two weeks - I have actually left him once before... This time when I walked out on him, I ideally THOUGHT I would not cry as I THOUGHT I had enough treatment from him... I THOUGHT I don't care about this relationship anymore... HOWEVER, I still cried... After leaving him, I still cried once or twice in bed at night when suddenly all the memories and pictures of our past were came up to my mind... you know sometimes you did not bring out those memoris,, but they just come up to your mind - how annoying !!! But what can we do ? Just let it cry - but on the other hand, also have to tell ourselves, "It should be the last one, no more cry..." Although I tell you it may not be successful, next time you still cry... but at least you give yourself a message... it could have a limit... one day you won't cry. Dear JO, maybe you found the things I have said here is not really helpful, but I just want to have a sharing with you ... I have the same feelings before,,, or even now... Emotion is a very difficult stuff to handle. I do sincerely wish you well. <Vicky>

Jo,<P>Sweetie, you have been SO strong, for SO long. I think it is completely natural for you to be crying, even when you thought your feelings had dissappeared.<P>I guess it just goes to say the this it not an easy process, and that it does that time.<P>It is very possible that you are feeling something, because you are going to see him, with the girls, in the city where you lived as a family. That would get to anyone. <P>Just keep doing what you are doing, Jo. If H is coming around, wonderful. But, try and not get your hopes up (just yet).<P>I you such a wonderful person, who I personally, am honored to call friend.<P>Take care of yourself, give your girls a kiss good night, and I think you need to get some rest yourselt ( Up kinda late, aren't you young lady!(LOL)<P>I will e-mail you later, ok?<P>God is with you, Jo. He is watching over you.<P>Love to you and your girls,<P>Cheryl

Jo,<P>You have held the tears in for so long. Now you are faced with seeing him again in a different situation, he has broke up with the OW. All the turmoil comes back. You don't know where you stand. So all your emotions come bubbling up and out. Cry all you want it helps to vent those pent of feelings you have.<BR>Looking for your email later. I think we there is 16 hours difference in our time. and you are ahead of me.Sure does get confusing! <P>------------------<BR>di<P><p>[This message has been edited by SDS (edited February 22, 2000).]

thanks guys.<P>I feel a little better this morning, it's 10.30 am Wed. <BR>I don't have a hangover, I think I cried all the alcohol out....<BR>I also don't have the feeling that I'm going to have an anxiety/panic attack. I've never had one of those before, but last night, I felt as tho I might be having one...<P>It's just not like me to worry myself sick, about things. I do think about things, and worry to some extent, but I have the type of personality that deals with things as and when they happen, to the best of my ability.<P>Vicky - I read your post, and responded I think. I feel for you. Was it your post about what they say to OW ? That cut me, like you would not believe. Realistically, I know he must have told lies, but I don't know what they were, and don't want to know. I hadn't even thought of what they may have been, until OW rang me, and kindly let me know!!!!!!<P>You keep your chin up, and keep being strong. If he can't be faithful to you now, before marriage, and has done this before, I feel you have done the right thing. Thanks for the kind words, I did feel better after 'flooding' my bedroom with saltwater !!!!!<P>Beautiful Ceecee - where would I be without you. Thanks for the beautiful card - I've just emailed you. Youre right about me going back to Melb. I was so so happy there. I cannot believe the way I am almost panicking. I don't know what to expect from him. I'll just expect nothing, and then I won't be disappointed ! Yep, I was up late last night, and the night before, so today, I have the suitcases under the eyes again !!!<BR>Not just bags, but suitcases... love and hugs to you my friend<P>SDS - the email is coming. I'm going to do it right now. The baby is asleep, elder d is at prep - yay - I have some time and peace and quiet.<BR>I also have the guilt feelings about study. Semester has started again, and I have 2 doozy subjects - Business maths (xyz/abc ) x2 squared, ./. square root of something else - get the drift AND<P>Administrative Law. I don't mind the law, quite enjoy it actually, but it's all about the constitution, and public servants and their rules and regulations. Lots and lots and lots of words, red tape, and one sentence takes a chapter !!!!! LOL<P>Oh well, at least it keeps me thinking about something else other than cheating, lying, scoundrel H....<P>How are you going ? Hope all is well, and things are ok<BR>love and hugs to you

JO,<P>Sorry I didn't see this earlier....It's been a hecktic day...<P>Don't despair...It's good to have those feelings again...I remember not too long ago they were gone....I guess your ride is not over yet...Hold on and see what's over the next rise....<P>I'm still prayiong for you,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Dear Jo, very glad to hear that you are feeling much better than your first post. Yes, I had written a post about what lies our spouse tell his OW - sure they are all heartbreaking things to know. But now, whenever I recall all the lies he told his internet women, I am no long feeling SAD but disgusting... not really hate him, but am very glad I have left him. I think my 'tear days' is over - but you cannot imagine how many nights I have spent with my tears - and have swollen and baggy eyes, but have to go to work and face him while he still said, "Hey, please don't cry for God's sake, there is nothing to cry about"... Haha. What a line !! Yes, I have a chin up and I am trying to be strong (I wish one day I will be strong enough to ring off when he calls - I can't do it so far - I still talk to him NICELY when he calls - just cannot control it although I told myself I should ring off !) Since I have left him, he still calls and emails me, trying to keep contact with me... and I was even wondering if I am doing something sensible to have contact with him, see him for lunch...etc... anyway, I feel comfortable right now - I don't hate him anyway - he still uses my credit card to do something (of course he informed in beforehand)... I just let him. If you ask me why I am still NICE to such man who cheats and cheats and cheats without remorse... well, I can just tell you, "I cannot make my heart hard". If he is fine with his living, I would be glad. I once or twice cried because I realised he is VERY poor and lonely... SORRY YOU MUST SAY I AM A DEAD FOOL !!! However, this morning he sent me an email and asks me if I am going to see his daughter tonight (I usually spend time with his daughter three days a week for two hours)... But I did not reply and am not going to reply... I think this is my first step to IGNORE him. I am still trying to be detached from the connection with him, although the process is slow... I know I can do it at the end. Thanks for sharing. <Vicky> <BR>

Hey Bonnet,<P>Do you know why you were really crying the other night? [insert answer here]. Yes, that's right [hoping answer was what I thought] because you are fully aware of the situation and the ramifications of the said affair.<P>Doesn't it really blow goats that our S's don't have a clue as to what's going on and the pain inflicted upon us? If I could only find that all day pass to Fantasyland that Val has hidden.<P>Sorry, rambling again. It's late here in the real world.<P>Take Care, God Bless.<P>Tim

Hi Vicky,<BR>thanks again. I must admit that I always try to be nice to H too, I find it rests easier on me that way. I am not naturally a nasty person (although I have had my moments throughtout this little saga !!!)<P>Keep being strong, and take your credit card off him..... who does he think he is ?<P><BR>Hi there Bill,<P>but I don't like rides.....<BR>I hate them....<BR>I want to get off.......<P>I really don't want to go through what I went through in Sept, Oct, Nov & Dec. I have found some inner peace, and a little strength, and uni has just started again for the year.<BR>I can't go through it all again, I just can't. Maybe I'll move to the States, and file for divorce there !!<BR>I guess you guys will be reading this, thinking "yep, she's scared about seeing her H again", and you would all be right.<BR>Anyway, I'll let you know how it goes<BR>big hugs to you my friend<P><BR>Medic - thanks - I think......<P>As I just said to Bill, I don't want those feelings again. I have started to feel just a little good about myself (I'm sure that's not good grammar !!!) and I don't want him to tear my heart out again. <BR>When you find Val's hiding spot, let me know, I need to find his pass too....<P>thanks for the chuckle<P>hugs your way<P>

How the heck did I miss this yesterday??? I'm so sorry, Sweetie. But you gotta cry sometimes, so just let it go.<P>You've been good. You've been strong. Things are changing and that brings on brand new emotions. You'll be ok, I promise.<P>(((((((((((((Jo)))))))))))))<P>Hang in there.<P>Love,<P>Lori

Jo,<BR>If it is one thing that I have learned from all of this, it is that you can not control every emotion...every time. It is ok to cry. I ended up in a stress center after I found out about H affair. Spent 2 days there. They express over and over again that it is ok to cry. Let yourself cry. It is very good for you.<P>It has been over a year since discovery for me.....getting the big D....and also embroiled in a huge custody battle. I get so wrapped up in having to be strong.....not crying.....not letting the world....my children see me upset. Well you do crash. I had to see him last month at the evaluators office. First time in over a year. I was hyperventillating...scared to death...panicked. Yep, just as I figured...I was doing so good before that, but just seeing him...wanting to hug him and cry on his shoulder and beg and plead for him to stop all of this nonsence. Couldn't do it. I cried for 2 days and since then I feel like all those baby steps that I have taken over these past months have gotten me nowhere. I feel like I am sometimes back at square one. YUK. I had to admit to myself again that all those love feelings that I have stored away...can come back full force. <P>You will be fine. Your H even sounds like he is coming around. Would that be great or what? Are you afraid of those feelings? Are you afraid that they are going to put you back to those painful days that you have somehow thought were pushed far, far back?<P>You will work through them....you are strong.<BR>Good luck<BR>Nancy

Lostva - thanks. I think I'll be needing you over the next few days !!! Thanks for being there.<P>Mental - I am so scared. Of everything where he is concerned. The feelings coming back, the "does he want me's" the "why doesn't he want me's" etc etc etc<P>Thanks for your words. They mean a lot.<P>big hugs to you<P>Jo