The last few days have been so difficult for me. One minute I seem fine and the next minute my heart begins pounding, I shake uncontrollably and I can't seem to hold back the tears. Then I come to the Forum and read everyone's stories and I am amazed at how many of us have fallen victim to infidelity. I struggle with that one burning question, "How could he do this to me"? I am in the early stages of finding out my H was unfaithful to me and the emotions are racing. I feel like no matter what I read, or who I talk to about this, I never feel like there are any solutions. I want sure fire answers to my questions. Will I be able to forgive him? Can I ever forget? Will we ever have what we did before this happened? Should I just divorce him and get on with my life? I just wish there was real crystal ball that could give me all my answers and yet I know the only one with answers for me is God. I try praying, but I feel like he is not listenting. I don't understand how he could let this happen. As you can see, I am basically just venting. Sometimes that help! I wish I had the power to take everyone's pain away! Best Wishes to all!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{RHawkins}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Venting is GOOD! <P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>B<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Vent away, just know that He IS listening. He hears all of our cries, even when we don't think He does. I know how hard it is to see this at a time like this, but refer to the footprints poem. Prayers and Hugs!!

You have just written my life's feelings and frustrations since I found out - over two months ago about my H. <P>I see a couselor, it has helped, but I just want honesty - which he has been unable to give me, until this mornig - a little bit anyway.... we are slowly making progress. <P>I feel like the secrets he keeps is his way of holding onto the OW. He has not seen or spoke to her since I found out - I do believe that. He wanted to end it as it was and used me to do it - he set it up for me to catch them and then told her I found out and ouldn't talk to her any more.... <P>Time is passing and I guess he is adjusting to not having her in his life, so the secrets are coming to the surface, slowly.....<P>I had a situation occur this weekend that brought all of the initial emotions back full force and now the panic attacks and anxiety attacks are back. <P>I won't take medication - prayer is the only thing that removes the pain when it hurts. <P>I wish you luck and keep praying.......unfortunately - and sadly - you are not alone....

God hears you! Hope the lyrics to this song will strengthen you! They are from Pam Rozell. She and her husband, Mike, have a ministry called Potter's Field Ministry. Their marriage was almost destroyed,and her H gave his life to God... the master potter,who puts back the pieces of our broken lives,when we invite him. Check out their website Pottersfield.org They have a traveling ministry where he does a pottery demonstration and she sings, all to the theme of how God can make us into master creations. This song is off one of her cd's and has helped me so much. Here it is<P>Never so near.....<P>I know you feel alone in your struggle<BR>Like no one understands where you are<BR>And it's hard to trust in prayer<BR>When it seems like no one is there<BR>But Jesus has his ear to your heart<P>CHORUS<BR>Though He seems far away<BR>You can trust that he is near<BR>You may not see His hand<BR>But He is drying every tear<BR>And when you turn to Him<BR>His love will swallow every fear<BR>For He is holding you<BR>And He is molding you<BR>And He has never been so near<P>Thre's a small whisper<BR>Inside of you<BR>That's telling you to rest in His care<BR>He heals and He redeems<BR>Repairs our broken dreams<BR>There's not a pain you feel<BR>That He will not share<P>repeat chorus<P>When we learn to walk by faith<BR>We learn a truth we've never known<BR>That when we're held in hands of grace<BR>Our hearts will never be alone<P>repeat chorus<P>My H gave up OW and came back to his family and God. I always thought that if H wasn't accountable to God, he wouldn't be accountable period. That has been the biggest step to heal our marriage. Remember...what satan intends for evil, God intends for good. God bless you and hang in there!

I know when I first found out my emotions were all over the place and I made some bad decisions that made things worse(?). I wish I would have taked Harley's advice to talk to a doctor about medication. You have to make some BIG decisions and thinking clearly would help. I would search the message board for postings on what others think of meds and read Harley's rational for it. I know they have helped me.<P>Be prepared that this may not have been a one time event and there may be all kinds of other secrets. I know that is not what you want to hear but it is better to be prepared. <BR> As I have learned the hard way by not fully dealing with this situation initially it has a high probability of coming up again. So if your going to stay together be prepared for a lot of work on both your parts.<P>I always felt and told my wife the only reason I would divorce her would be for infidelity. When she had an affair I had a tough choice to make but decided to try and make it work. I felt it would be better for the kids and pleasing to God to stay together. <P>But know that whatever YOU decide God will bless you. If you leave you HAVE Biblical grounds. If you stay God will support you. Either way you have God's Blessing.<P>Prayers,<P>T2<P>

I am so so sorry for your pain! If you've been reading all these posts, you have indeed gotten to see that you are far from alone...that fact helps me a great deal, I hope it gives you some comfort too.<P>My H is deeply "in-love" with a co-worker; there was no sex, but his feelings are still very much with her. If it makes you feel any better, I envy you that your H seems to realize that his "fling" was not true love... But, maybe mine will get to that point soon.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Will I be able to forgive him? Can I ever forget? Will we ever have what we did before this happened? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Good questions. Here's what I've decided after my EXTENSIVE review of every part of this website, many of the posts, and all the books I've been able to read. Most people seem to be able to forgive...personally, I've decided I can. Forget? No, but I'm told it fades in time. I lost a baby girl 9 years ago...I do not ever, ever expect to forget her face, the feel of her in my arms, or the plans and hopes I had for her. Do I ache like I did then...no. I think pain fades to a liveable level after you've had adequate time to grieve the loss (and infidelity is a definite loss). Will we have what we did before? No, no day is an exact repeat of any other. What I do hope to have again is a good, strong marriage...I think this gives us a good chance to identify things that needed improvement, and make our marriage better.<P>[QUOTE} Should I just divorce him and get on with my life? [/QUOTE]<P>That's your call. My answer was NO. My H is basically a good guy, who really did something dumb. I love him. We have kids who love him and who he loves and is a good dad to. I think there's a good chance we can be happy together again. Could I survive without him? Yes, but I'd rather have a renewed marriage with him; and as long as I think that's possible, I'm willing to stick it out.<BR>Hope this helps in some small way. <BR>ehugs--<BR>Kathi<p>[This message has been edited by kam6318 (edited February 24, 2000).]

RHawkins,<BR>You sound so familiar, like someone I knew about 1 1/2 years ago. Maybe myself??? Anyhow, the only person that has the answers to those questions are you. You probably know the depth of your strength. The fact that you are still with him shows that your probably one step ahead of some people. Now, do you want to work this out? The answer is within yourself.<BR>What I do suggest is reading all the Dr. Harley's books you can, plus any others, I personally liked "After the Affair, breathing deep cleansing breaths, taking counselling for yourself and working towards a good plan A. The hardest part of this is probably the breathing, the rest will be helpful and somewhat soothing to your shattered nerves.<BR>Know that this board is here for you. This is a place that you can vent, scream, cry, and also look into the other side without becoming emotionally involved. My hardest part of recovery was understanding things and when you talk to people here, betrayers as well as the betrayed, they help as best they can. It isn't easy, but no one ever said life would be easy. I can tell you that my marriage came out of this with a much better chance of surviving than at any other time in my life. We are sooo much better together and life does get better. But no one can make that happen but you, and it's in your heart to make that decision. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

Not much to add to what everyone else said, but the only sure-fire thing around here is how much everyone cares. Read and post, you'll find some answers, help people, and help yourself. Taking care of you is the most important thing right now. So and relax. We'll be here for you.<P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com