Dinner was awesome, I must say I'm a pretty good cook, at least the kids enjoyed it. Took the leftovers to Cat so at least she could eat some of my culinary treats too. Could have fed several people since I also had a boneless pork loin in the fridge too. I love BBQ-ing in February. Drank a beer in honor of Dylan's b-day and had a wonderful time with the kids. They drew me so many pictures on the driveway with their chalk. We chased around the house, had ice cream, and talked about school.<P>Everyone give their kids a hug and a kiss because they deserve it for bringing so much joy and happiness into our otherwise dull, depressing, miserable lives. <P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

Allen,<BR>Sorry I bugged out on dinner last night. <P>I was having a margarita with my mom, dad and a girlfriend... celebrating the beginning of the rest of my life. <P>When I read your advice to hug your kids (wish I had some to hug right now), I remembered this quote.....<P><B>Kids are like sponges.... They absorb all your strength and leave you limp. But one good squeeze and you get it all back!</B> <P>Too bad you can't email leftovers! <P>B<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Well SD, I was at a meeting with my pastor so I didn't get a chance to celebrate. My meeting went GREAT though! He helped me to see that this is Bill's problems and that his problems are EXTENSIVE! He helped me to see that I can't do anything to change this other than to not be negative. I feel such a sense of peace!<P>I also thank God every day for my daughter! She is truly the best reason for me to pull myself together and get through this.<P>P.S. Thanks a lot! Now you have me craving BBQ!

Hey Sparkydog ~ Glad to hear dinner was a success! Thanks for a reminder about the kids!!! Yesterday, I was stressed, running late, and had my cranky panties on. I was looking for a CD that I needed to return to a friend and each one blamed the other. I totally blew it out of proportion, ended up saying something really ugly, slammed the door and stomped to my car (my mom had come over to take them to school because I had an early meeting) Anyway, I got in my car, started to back out and then realized they didn't need to be subjected to that kind of behavior just because my life is so screwed up right now. So I pulled back in, went inside, gave them a big hug and a kiss and told them I loved them. What a HUGE difference it made in my day (and I hope theirs as well).....<P>Your dinner sounded great! I cannot cook! Our dinners tend to be eating out or pre-made stuff from Price Club/Costco that you just throw in the oven! They say the best way to a man's heart is thru his stomach. Maybe it'll work that way for your wife, too!<P>Have a great day!

How does that saying go? The best way to a man's heart is though his stomach, and the best way to a women's heart is to show her you can fill your own damn stomach. <P>Hope you have a great day too.<P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com<p>[This message has been edited by Sparkydog (edited February 24, 2000).]

I hadn't heard that one, but it's great! Good thing it's not the other way around! I need help to fill my own d*mn stomach.... Wendy's, KFC, Costco, etc! Pretty pathetic for a woman! <P>Is it the weekend yet????

Not pathetic, just convenient I just like cooking, esp BBQ-ing. Nothing better than cooking a slab of meat on the grill while drinking a beer. Plus I get to use my "creative" side by making my own sauces and meat rubs.<P>Nope, still another day till the weekend. How are you doing? Still strong? Hope so, if not, come back here, we'll try to prop you up. <P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

I could think of LOTS of things better than a hot old bbq! I do like the drinking the beer part.....well, not beer *yuck* but Zima or a nice cold vodka tonic! <P>Nah, not too strong.....I broke down and responded to some email he sent me....but even though I shouldn't have responded at all, I am proud of how I did respond:<P>"all we're doing here is backsliding.... let's try to do better and cease and desist on the emails again. They said that every time we make contact, it's just like going back to day one in the withdrawal process. <P>I just want to hold you accountable to what you promised me. I want you to stop deliberating about what it is you want......the choice has been made.....now take steps to make that choice worth it. Try and TRY HARD to make it work.<P>You could start by going home and opening up the discussion about new kitchen vs. new home. New home wouldn't have memories of me floating about in it!!!<P>Got your other email........NO! it is NOT "easy for me to sit there and tell you to 'work on your awful <BR>marriage'" It is the most excruiatingly painful thing I've ever done/said. I want to be telling you to kick her to the curb, run to my arms and let's live happily ever after....but I can't and won't. You're married to her whether I like it or not (NOT!!!) and it's high time I (and you) realized that and try to undo what we have done. <P>You have only ONE world now, Will. (he had said that he is balancing two worlds) Turn it into a beautiful loving world for you and xxxxx. I really can't tell you how wonderful that would make me feel to at least know SOME good came out of this. I have said from day one that I wanted your happiness first and foremost. I beg of you.....run, don't look back, and face the future with a renewed hope and determination to make your marriage work. Do that for me. Please??????"<P>So, as you can see whilst I know it was wrong to respond at all, at least I didn't say what was really in my heart....I miss you, I love you, I can't be apart from you another day, etc. <P>Gosh doing the right thing sure feels wrong sometimes!!!! <P>How did your W like the food? Hope it made her feel special and pampered that you took it over to her!!!<P>It SHOULD be the weekend, darnit! I'm ready!<P><BR>

Sparkydog, I am so glad your evening went well. So you're a good cook? Great! I have always hated cooking, but loved baking(go figure) It is such a beautiful day today here in town that I rode my motorcycle to work and enjoyed the warmth and wind in my face. Through the wind, I feel Gods embrace especially today when I need his strength the most. I have roughly 1 more hour before the sheriffs dept closes and then I am released and I hope for good. I was not in a good way last evening. I was up half the night trying to convince myself to let it go. That is one reason, I rode to work. It takes me forever to put my riding gear on, back my bike out of the lot and so on. This would take up the majority of time that I couldn't possibly make it to the Sheriffs dept by 5:00. I know this sounds silly, but I am battling myself as I am writing to you. But...reading about your evening brightened my spirits and when I get home, I will hug my girls. And... of course, they will want to take advantage of my motherliness and good spirits and ask me to take them shopping.(ha!ha!)<BR>I hope you have many days of good joy and happiness. Enjoy today, because Busby said it's suppose to rain tomorrow. My love and prayers to you

Allll Riight!!!!<P>So good to hear from you, Sobeit. Now of course we'll expect a post every 5 minutes until 5:00. <BR>That is soo cool. Someone up there is thinking of you. I had just sent LMS an email that I hadn't heard from you, then my email notified my that you had posted. Spoooky. <P>{{{{Sobeit}}}} and some prayers too. <P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

Sparkydog: It's 4:30 p.m. time for me to leave, but right now my co-worker is here talking to me about business as I am typing. So I will be leaving late. My daughter's have called waiting for me to take them shopping this evening. Talk about spooky. I copied your email in hopes to email you this weekend from my daughter's house. Have a great evening and I hope to communicate with you this weekend.

ok three post from MO in a row <P>Sobeit hun I am just tickled pink to finaly hear from you I have been waiting (and by the way I'm not good at it) yes it is a great day today I love days like this and honey on a bike is just the place to be <BR>I want to see a post in 30 min from you<BR>Love ya<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"It took me quite a while to realize that <B>the real deal</B> is to be able to be enough of a person your own to know when somebody loves you and cares about you"<BR>----Stevie Ray Vaughan<P>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net <p>[This message has been edited by LMS (edited February 24, 2000).]

Send emails all you want, I'll answer them. Should be getting my apartment internet service tomorrow, if not I'll drive to work just to check my email <P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

Sorry Judy got distracted by Sobeit.<P>You must do BBQ different in AZ. Here it's about friends and family, sharing beer (or vod-tons)and laughter. It's all about ambiance. Put on some tunes and have a party. Sometimes it just you and the kids, but then it becomes a state of mind. Too much Zen BS tonight. LOL<P>Anyway, you contacted him, regardless of how you phrased it, he now knows you are thinking of him. Try this next time. type your response and then send it to one of us or to yourself. re read it and see if you really want to send it to him. Hopefully you won't.<P>W didn't say much or even if she liked it. Oh well. been emailing all day, major love busting, my fault. I'm an idiot sometimes. Love does that to us, huh?<P>No kidding about the weekend. Can't wait. Don't have the kids, but I'll figure something out. Should have internet at home so can still surf/email and keep on the board.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

Nah, we probably do it the same here in AZ....except we probably do it in the winter....the summers are too bloody hot!!!I just think it's a chest-thumping guy thing! *LOL* <P>Gosh, I wouldn't know what to do with a weekend without the kids! My xH moved overseas just after the divorce and just got back to the states a couple of months ago... wrong side of the states....NC when I'm in AZ!!! I not only have my kids every weekend but usually 3 others as well. I don't mind because when they have their friends over they don't mind if I go out. Not that I have anywhere to go. My friends are all married and I don't tend to do much with them outside of work. Sometimes I just go see a movie by myself or go hang out in this little neighborhood bar that one of my co-worker's wife owns. <P>I will try not to send the responses. I do have about 14 emails in my "drafts" folder that I initiated with no intention of ever sending. Those are more of the soul-bearing kind, telling him how much I miss him, etc. It's hard to see his name in my inbox and not reply though. I can't believe it's only been a week (tomorrow) It seems more like months. I wonder if it ever gets easier?!?!?<P>What's sobeit's story? I tried finding some old posts and from what I could tell it seemed like she was going to purchase a gun and kill herself? Gosh, as low and in despair as I have been in my life at times, I would never, ever consider that. Too hard on those you leave behind. Still, I can't say that I the thought hasn't crossed my mind. So much pain in this mixed up world we live in - eh? Do you know her personally?<BR>I see you both live in MO....big state though. I was born there....St. Louis. Also lived in (don't laugh) Festus, Matthews, and Poplar Bluff. Ever heard of any of them? Little tiny hick towns!!<P>Guess I'm rambling. Sorry, it is actually deterring me from answering one last email that he sent before going home for the evening....which was at 7pm his time....he has no reason being there other than he would rather be there than at home. <P>I did answer that one email but there were several others that I didn't respond to. Do I get any credit for that??? I really am trying. <P>When you said you had been emailing all day, did you mean to your wife? I'm sorry she didn't acknowledge your culinary talents. As much as I despise my xH, I still thank him when he does something nice (which has been probably 6 times in 6 years!!!) <P>Thanks for your post. It helps even though I fell (again!!) I'm off to church. Have a good one!

Judy, got to leave, but yes I've heard of those towns, I'm from north MO. I'll post more tomorrow. Have a good evening and don't get down on yourself. <P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

Okay where was I? Man tomorrow sure came quick. Had some work to finish so of course here I am on the boards. What do you mean chest thumping guy thing? I haven't done that since um a couple of weeks ago, but we were watching Tarzan. <P>Weekend w/out the kids, um Fri. take the kids to dinner/movie. Sat morn. take girls to gymnastics, Sat aft. go to college BBall game alone, Sat night bar time. Sun. church w/ the girls if W doesn't take them. Sun. afternoon, if nice, play catch, if not go to gym w/ them to play bball. That's my goal this weekend anyway.<P>Send the responses, but send them to yourself. You'll get the satisfaction of replying, hitting send, and still be the strong one. Now go to the drafts folder and delete around 14 messages. Too much temptation. besides if you do decide to send one you'll have to compose it again and have the chance to think about it.<P>A week already? Time flies when you're having the kind of fun we have. It will get easier, I promise.<P>Sobeit was/is seriously depressed and yes she had a permit for a handgun waiting at the sheriff's office and it expired today. No don't know her personally, but go to KC occasionally on business, so I could support her if she wanted it. You're right about the pain in this crazy world, and we've got more than our fair share here. But you've got to carry on and bear your cross and help anyone you can.<P>Ramble away, its for a good cause. Remember he will have a reason to go home, if you aren't there for him. <P>You get all the credit you want. I know you're trying and I can't imagine how much pain you are in, but its for the best. Lose a love, save a family. You'll find another love, but a broken family is permanent.<P>Yup e-ing the W all day, mostly love busting Bad sparky-dog! I'm about the worst Plan A'er there is.<P>You tripped but you got back up. Hopefully we're helping. Hope church was good. See you tomorrow. <P><P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com