A sudden thought is flashing in my mind - although I am still calm... am thinking how many women whom my ex-fiance has SEX with and brought them to our lovely home and f***ed in our lovely bed and cozy sofa ... <P>Well, as far as I know, there are 8 (I can name them one by one)... maybe more than 8 but I don't know anymore... and he is still searching more 'targets' on his internet. <P>Men............ Even if he really truly loves me with whole his heart - I BELIEVE - NOBODY DESERVES SUCH INSULTING TREATMENT !!! <P>Am I right ??? < Vicky >

Oh Vicky,<P>my heart goes out to you. I am having enough trouble dealing with one, let alone 8.<P>You're completely right, no-one deserves that kind of treatment.<P>As much as you may feel that you love him right now, 8 is pretty incriminating evidence that he won't change his ways.<P>What is he thinking.....<P>I just do not understand these people at all, my H included.....<P>my love and hugs to you<P>Jo

Thanks Jo... <BR>God ! What the hell am I doing ??? He asked me this lunch if I would like to go out with him this Saturday night and I said, "OK" !!!<BR>Jo, do you know sometimes I feel like my mouth cannot speak something in my mind !!! <BR>Anybody has ever experience such thing - you REALLY want to say NO, but you finally said YES - totally out of your mind's control. What am I doing... anybody can understand ? I am getting annoyed and, think, starting to hate myself act in such way.<BR><Vicky>

Thanks Jo... <BR>God ! What the hell am I doing ??? He asked me this lunch if I would like to go out with him this Saturday night and I said, "OK" !!!<BR>Jo, do you know sometimes I feel like my mouth cannot speak something in my mind !!! <BR>Anybody has ever experience such thing - you REALLY want to say NO, but you finally said YES - totally out of your mind's control. What am I doing... anybody can understand ? I am getting annoyed and, think, starting to hate myself act in such way.<BR><Vicky>

Sorry, just testing, my server seems having problem. <Vicky>

Thanks Jo... <BR>God ! What the hell am I doing ??? He asked me this lunch if I would like to go out with him this Saturday night and I said, "OK" !!!<BR>Jo, do you know sometimes I feel like my mouth cannot speak something in my mind !!! <BR>Anybody has ever experience such thing - you REALLY want to say NO, but you finally said YES - totally out of your mind's control.<BR>What am I doing... anybody can understand ? I am getting annoyed and, think, starting to hate myself act in such way. <Vicky>

You are right Vicki, NOBODY DESERVES THAT TREATMENT!<P>Some betrayers quickly are consumed with guilt, see the error of their ways and are so remoursful for the hurt they cause. Some are able to work their little butts off to help make things right in the end. Some, with a little "guidance" (Plan A etc.) are also capable of changeing. Some I believe are incapable. <P>Only you know how much you can take. By going out with him, are you putting yourself in a position where you will likely be hurt again? Remember the "fresh" pain? Remember when you have been hurt and how much better things get as time goes on and you feel stronger? Has he given you any indication that he has really changed? If he did these things at the very beginning of your reltationship, at a time when couples are often most respectful of one another, how do you think things would be if you were married? He would suddenly have the respect for you that you deserve? That he would suddenly care enough about you to protect you from the (VERY) physical risk that sex with multiple partners generates?<P>Only you can answer these questions. I have been in the exact boat as you but didn't realize the full extent of the # of partners and the true risk he put me through with his actions until recently. When you have a family, (2 kids), it is much more difficult to do what I now realize I should have done years ago. I am commited to working this through now but I guarantee that if I had been aware at the early stages (as you are) and there wasn't a family to consider - he would have been long, long, LONG gone.<P>Cheers, please take care of YOU.<BR>Lisa<P>

{{{{{{{{{{vicky}}}}}}}}}}<P>Nobody deserves treatment like that. I would not wish my pain on my worst enemy (although sometimes when I feel my H or OW is my worst enemy, I think I could make an exception ) <P>If you go out to lunch this weekend, be strong and confident!

Vicky,<P>While noone deserves that kind of treatment (or any kind of infidelity, for that matter), it's not necessarily a sign that he couldn't change. It's a sign that he has a problem, and that he has a lot of work to do before being marriage material.<P>And seeing that he's not a husband but a boyfriend, I'd give him a call and cancel your date, and let him know that you don't ever want to see him again. He's only a boyfriend, and it probably would be best for you to move on without him.

Vicky,<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Men............ Even if he really truly loves me with whole his heart - I BELIEVE - NOBODY DESERVES SUCH INSULTING TREATMENT !!! <BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>As an unofficial representative of the male gender on this thread, I beg you not to overgeneralize and cast us all as evil because of what your husband is doing. We're not all like that.<P>I am a betrayed, and I agree that nobody deserves the tratment we are getting. My heart goes out to you.

Dear 2sad4words, I am sorry I said "MEN" did not mean the male gender - it is just a SIGN... Some people would say "God", "Christ"... but I usually just say "Men"... Of course I know and I am 100% sure there are good and faithful men in this world - my father, my two uncle and my elder brother are very good examples - I am just bad luck to have met my 'cheating' fiance !!! OH MEN !!!<P>Dear studentwife, yes, I agree wtih you - I would ot wish my pain on my worst enemy - although I do not and never see my ex-fiance is my enemy - I never want to see him in any difficulty or pain or any hardship. I am still willing to help him (financially) in some ways when he asks and would like to spend some time with him when he asks (of course I refuse to have any intimacy with him - I feel quite comfortable to just see him have meal and chat - like a friend). I do not think I will ever treat him as an enemy although he gave me that insulting and painful treatment for 2 years - as other than those treatment, he also gave me sweet and honey treatment that I cannot deny. Yes, I would be strong when I face him - although I am still not STRONG enough to say NO when he asks to see me... Maybe I will one day. <P>Dear K, yes, I believe he has problem (I think it is we call 'sexucal addiction' -I have talked with him about that but he denied he has ay problem and get very agitated and insisted and claimed that he is VERY NORMAL - what can I say ???) YES, you are right, I am not yet married to him although I am wearing the engaging ring (still do not want to take it off yet....) , I should be feeling lucky in this way as I think it would be even harder to face the problem if I am married to him. And the other thing is : I am really feeling good and moving on quite well WITHOUT him. This site helps me A LOT ! <P>THANKS FOR ALL !!!! Wish one day my mouth would be firm enough to say "NO" to him. <Vicky>

Hi, just a little bit update. <BR>Just called my ex-fiance and told him, "I am not going to see you tomorrow, OK". After putting down the phone, I feel absolutely all right, great relief !!! Well, guys, ifyou have read my posts, you might know my situation - I left my fiance three weeks ago but he keeps contacting me since the days I moved out and I, always say YES to his date. <P>Tonight I went to his flat (used to be OUR flat) to his little daughter - she and I have a HALF mummy-daughter relationship and I found out something disgusting on the sofa - a sanitary napkin plastic sheet !!! I am a woman of course I know what is that INSTANTLY. I was not angry but just felt very disgusting. Well, it is not the first time I know he brings women to our lovely home for sex ! Then I confront him and said, "Please next time ask her to throw it to the rubbish bin, don't throw it on the sofa, just for the sake of being clean !" Then he grapped me and said, "DO NOT GET UPSET. DO NOT GET UPSET !!!" Then he continued, "I am not going to say anything to criminalize myself. NO COMMENT." Then in the following 10 minutes I did not say anything, did not look at him, just played with his daughter... He then came to me again and said SORRY. <P>I left (because I have dinner appointment with my colleagues) and then called him to cancel the date for tomorrow. I NEVER SAID "NO" TO HIM BEFORE. I am proud I have done it the first time. What a lovely feeling.<P>My heart was NOT painful though, I still cried a little bit on the bus. Doesn't matter - sometimes crying helps us to release some feelings. I hope this would be the last time. One thing I thought on the bus, "This time, the GOD brings me the evidence - HE wants me to leave this time - HE can't stand it anymore, HE brings me the evidence to tell me it is time to leave !" I had this thought because in the past, all the cheating evidence were FOUND OUT BY MYSELF - if I did not go to find (check his computer, check hic cell phone, chea his condoms... I would not know he was cheating. BUT THIS TIME, I did not go to find, but the evidence was presented to me, brought to my eyes. This must be GOD's message.) <P>I have faith this should be the last time I have contact with him. I have faith. I know I should keep this faith. <P>Thanks for letting me vent here ! <VICKY>