I guess that there isn't a ton of activity on the Women's Bible Study Forum - So I thought I'd post here, ask you to go over there and read my post, and help me out today.<P>Thanks in advance.<BR>TNT

To make the hop to the other forum easier, here is the link:<P>Geez, I feel desperate. Husband will be home in 2 hours, and today my SIL gets married, so we will be with each other non-stop, and I don't have the ability to be back on the board until tomorrow afternoon. <P>Need your help, ladies.<P>Here is the link:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000211.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum25/HTML/000211.html</A>

I'm really feeling desperate.... So, Here, you don't even have to hop to another forum. I am cut and pasting my post! <BR>Thanks again!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Help me to get back on track AGAIN! <BR>SD/Xwife issue is really getting to me again, and although I'm giving up hope that things will ever change, I'm still hoping that I can learn to deal with it better, and I have failed again today to keep my eyes on the solution and not the problem.<P>The youngest stepdaughter is in our home, and is a real problem. Father abandoned her, Xwife used it as an opportunity to blame me for his actions, kids do not respect me one minute, and father and mother both enable these kids to continue with their illicit behavior.<P>I can't voice my opinion, or my husband starts becoming abusive. It feels like a no win situation for me, not for the girls, and not for my marriage. He is intolerable to my feelings, or my opinion. He does sometimes use violence, mental abuse, and financial abuse to try and keep me "in my place" of being a piece of furniture. I am fully aware this isn't appropriate, but I am powerless to change this, if I want to stay in the marriage. All the "secular" advice I get is "to give up and leave". I do believe God works miracles, and I do believe he will save our marriage. But, sometimes I open my mouth, and it doesn't help one bit. I know the solution is to keep my eyes on God. But I blew it again, and I need your prayers to help me.<P>Last Monday morning, my husband said that he was going to send the younger stepdaughter to a military school. That is because she refuses to follow the rules, and because was missing for 4 days, and had been suspended from school the week before, and she is totally rebellious. Family counseling was nothing but a joke. <P>So I checked into some schools for him, per his request. No sleep Monday night, because SD came home in the wee hours on Tuesday - then he said that "if she follows the rules - she doesn't have to go to a school".... so the rules are: home at 10:30 pm on weekdays, and home at 1:00 am on weekends, and she needs to do the dishes for 7 days straight as a punishment for not coming home, and getting suspended from school...<P>So, She does an 80% job on Wed. night, and on Thursday night, when we got home at 10:20pm, she was home, but had a boy up in her bedroom. My husband had no intention of stopping this.<P>So, I told him that we have a 7 year old, and that if he hadn't done anything about this illicit behavior by the time the timer went off (2 minutes 30 seconds), then I would have to take care of this myself. So, he called her down, and they moved their "party from the bedroom to the livingroom".... I could hear them in the LR, and said, "unacceptable." <P>The boy finally left at 11:15. They moved the party from the living room back to the bedroom. Her face was beet red. My husband is too cowardly to stand up for what is right in OUR OWN HOUSE!!!<P>So then, he didn't make her do the dishes. So this morning, after seeing the kitchen, I said, "you know why reform schools work? Because they are consistent with the rules and consequences... I notice the dishes aren't done, she was 80% successful one day, and now you cave in. No wonder she is the way she is."<P>He blew up. He said that she was going to "move out", and that will solve my problem. He said "my daughter feels like you have come between us, and you have. You have caused her to make a choice to move out, and she will have a ruined life, because of you."<P>Unbelievable. I am so sick of this. I just need your prayers, and to top it off, we have 1 week before X-wife will be here, and he has done nothing about this, either. <P>It will be worse when X gets here, because then my husband gets more insecure, and feels he has to "buy his kids" and "outdo" his X with these kids.<P>These kids are horrendous. I am so sick of dealing with this.<P>Now we have a wedding reception for one of my SIL's. (She's marrying her affair partner...ugghhh), and I feel like I am being forced constantly to go along with things that I don't agree with. It becomes unbearable sometimes.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>thanks.<BR>TNT<P>

TNT,<BR>I have read and reread your post and still don't know what to say! It's amazing how inconsiderate your H and SD's can be!<P>Try to hang in there! I know it's got to be hard. If I was in your position, I'd probably do the BIG LB thing.<P>Take care and many prayers to you,<BR>Mitzi

TNT- Stuck between a rock and a hard place to say the least. No advice from me...but I'm praying.

Thank you both. I know the prayers will make a difference for me. It is the only thing that ever seems to work.<P>Gosh, I sound so hopeless! Thanks for your prayers!

YUCKKK!!! What an awful situation!<P>You have my deep sympathy...but I have no advice, as this is beyond my experience. I would only suggest that when you do have to talk to your H about SD behavior, you make every effort to make it as calm as possible. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>...now you cave in. No wonder she is the way she is.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>While I can't argue with your logic, it sounds angry and judgemental. Maybe a better way would've been to put yourself on his side and say something sweetly, like:<P>"you know, something just occurred to me..I'm wondering if one reason military schools get better results than parents do is because it is easier for them to be 100% consistent. It is so hard for us to enforce the rules consistently, and she seems to think that we are going to let her get by with doing the dishes one day, doesn't she?"<P>I don't know..that's my only thought. Like I said, I've no expereince in this area. But, I will pray for you all!<BR>Kathi

You are right, Kathi. I guess by the time I finally was able to say something I was demanding, and it was definitely a lovebuster. I was just lucky he had to go to work, so I didn't get clobbered! <P>I know I do well when I just "shut up and pray". It is when I bottle up my feelings for so long that it all comes out so snippy, and as a demand and judgemental statement instead of a helpful comment. He had no choice to be defensive. <P>I just need to shut up! Prayers to help me shut up, might help.<BR>ugghhh<BR>

No advice from me, you know. I STILL get frustrated with all you have to deal with. But you know you are always in my prayers.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{TNT}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Lori

Thanks Lori, I know that.<BR>Tnt

TNT, My prayers too are with you. I don't know if I can be of much more help than that, but I would give you some of my thoughts.<P>I am a military person, and I look back at my military training, and even though I went through it as a 24 year old, it still had very profound effects on my life. It did instill in me discipline, order, self control, self-reliance, and respect. Even though I had fallen away from many of these values during my affair, they are still engrained in me, and thru the help of God, are returning as the spirit fills my body.<P>It does sound like you and your H are at odds on how to discipline and follow thru. Is there a way that you can sit down with your H and try to brainstorm together ideas on how to discipline and follow up. Maybe if you can present your self as part of the team and not the advisary, it may work. I do empathize with what you are going thru. W and I struggle with some of those same things with our oldest daughter. It is even worse being out of the house, and also because of her feelings about me leaving her, and why should she be accountable for her actions if I wasn't the last 1 1/2 years. How do you answer that one? I just try to give her reassurance that I love her, and want the best for her. One thing that I was doing and had mild success at it, was that when I was over to the house, I would begin to do her chores in front of her, and she would see that, and start pitching in too, and say "Dad, you don't have to do that, that's my job." So that was nice. :-) I have gone thru letting my daughter walk on me and not showing enough discipline, to being too critical so that I was constantly nagging her. <P>I hope you can find a solution. But for now, I will leave you with something that seems to bring me comfort:<P>"I fear not, for God has given me a spirit of Power, of Love, and sound mind. God is on my side." II Timothy 1:7<P><BR>

TNT,<P>Just got home from work. I am praying lady and will check back in here tomorrow.<P>Much love and know the strength of God is with you.<P>

Sorry I was not available to respond earlier, but I don't make much time to post these days. I will definitly be praaying for you tonight, and will look for some scripture that may encourage you and post that later.....Obedience to God in all things is key!

You know you have my prayers,<BR>everyday, and I also pray for your SD,<BR>teens can sure go threw some rough cycles!!<BR>I have two teen D's <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{TNT}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Peg

Tnt,<P>I posted over at the women's study forum but will repeat my prayers for you. <P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tnt}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

I'm praying for you TNT. You're doing a tremendous job of holding up under extreme pressure. Remember our motto "Shut Up and Pray".<P>Love ya,<BR>MTAW

Hi all.<P>The wedding took place. The affair began 7 years ago, and their marriages broke up only 5 years ago. Now they are married. I guess my SIL that married her affair partner is one of those 3%, one of those that the affair is working. It is tough to see the 3% that works. I spent 75% of my time dancing. I didn't dance with any men, except my H, and I danced with lots girlfriends and my daughter, and other SIL's. That was nice, that I didn't have to get into any conversations about how wonderful this situation was. It is hard to endorse something you don't believe in, and I don't think I can do it. I went to the wedding - endorsing my marriage. Rationalizing.<P>Xwife/SD situation isn't changed. Haven't seen SD since yesterday morning. She just got a new job 1 week ago, and her boss called today to ask where she was. She didn't show up. No clue where she is. <P>Same ole' same ole'. <P>I really thank you all for your prayers, I was able to carry on through the evening without lovebusters! Whew! Hopefully I can keep on! And that way I am not getting in the way of any potential miracles!!!<P>Uggh!!!<P>Guard, I don't have any answers for your questions. But, this is one of my most favorite promises from God. That he promises to give us a Sound mind, power and love. These are the 3 things I need the most! <P>Thank you all so much for your prayers! I really think they help me to control those lovebusters. Those lovebusters dont' get me anywhere but backwards! <P>Blessings to you all,<BR>TNT