(sorry this was posted twice but I needed to change the topic name.)<P>My wife met with her counselor this week. She told my wife that she needed to completely separate from me and OM for six months.<P>She said that there was no way that her relationship with OM could get anywhere have started as an affair unless she separates for six months, determines what's important in her life and then chooses her path.<P>I'm not sure what this counselor is doing. Kinda sounds like plan B but It sounds like she's trying to give the other relationship a chance if it has one. This is just weird.<P>Anyway, I'm being as helpful and supportive to her as possible. She is under the impression that it would be best for me to move out. She will be looking for an evening job which means I will have the kids every night and morning (my prayers answered). She would have them on the weekends. On the other hand, I think they should spend the majority of the nights in the place they've come to know as "home." Seems less traumatic for them. Any dissagreement with that?<P>Anyway, our conversation over this lasted all morning. We both cried. I sat next to her and prayed for her and the kids and me. She even appologised for not being able to feel the way I wanted her to feel towards me. I told her that I still loved her and that I was not going to "start a war" over this and that I would be praying for her the whole six months. It was not an angry discussion but sad and full of sorrow.<P>I blame myself 90% for what has happened in our marriage. I left the door open for this to happen. So why should I get the kids every night and the appartment? <B>I don't want to push her away more by being greedy or appearing selfish</B>. I don't know. I'm confused. I need honest and wise input.<P>My purpose in keeping the kids is two fold. First, to keep the kids grounded to a place they call home. Second, if she is the one that wants to separate then she should move and feel the full effect of that decision. I want to make the BEST and WISEST decision for my FAMILY not for me.<P>Part of me wants to show her my strength, stand my ground and make her move. The other part wants to punish *me* for what I have allowed to happen to my family. I am reaping what I have sown by not being the husband I should have been.<P>Any input?<P>P.S. I am typing her resume right now to help her find work. I don't know if this is the right thing to do either. But it's just about done. Much confusion going on right now.<p>[This message has been edited by hopefull_1 (edited February 26, 2000).]

I very rarely post anymore, but your thread caught my eye, so I'm gonna try to help ya here...<P>Plan B is for <B>YOU</B> to institute - <B>not her</B>. It is to protect the love you have remaining for a betraying spouse who will not stop the affair. <P>I don't know what the counselor is doing either, but she sounds like (parden the name calling before I say it) an idiot. Telling the betrayer to seperate is like giving her a license to go straight to the OM. <P>It is commendable that you take responsibility for the destruction of your marriage, but the affair is <B>your W's sole responsibility</B>. Don't forget that!<P>I agree about the children, and it sounds like your W does too... no harm in that!! You sound like a great dad!<P>I'm sure you'll get some sage advice, and as I said, I rarely post, but your story touched my heart.<P>Best wishes as you continue down the very difficult road...<P>~Sheryl

I responded to your other post.<P>I actually think your wife's plans to work evening may be good and helping her with her resume is very nice.<P>If she works evenings and you have the kids, then you are both getting the space you need to work on yourselves, since working on the marriage is difficult when she is not committing right now.<P>The extra income may make her feel more empowered and ironically less trapped.<P>Since you said your plan the last few weeks is helping somewhat, this may help even more.<P>Helping her to leave, however, or leaving your self is not being supportive. That would be undermining your marriage and compromising your own convictions.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13