Hi guys,<P>here's the update. There's not much I'm afraid.<P>I dropped the children off at his house Fri night, he didn't even come up to me initially. He was hugging the children, and he had tears.<P>We went inside the house, and he told me I looked beautiful. He then gave me the biggest hug, and I could feel him shaking. He had tears (again) in his eyes. I looked at him and said that I missed him, and he responded that he missed me too.<P>He asked again if I would have coffee with him, I said yes, and suggested he call me at the hotel to arrange details. He never called.<P>Late Sunday afternoon, (obviously too late for coffee) he rang, and I made the comment that he had obviously changed his mind about the coffee. He said that he had tried to call my mobile, but it wasn't switched on. I had given him the no. of the hotel, and my room no. so I asked why he hadn't called the hotel.<BR>His pitiful excuse was the following:<P>"I lost it, and by the time I would have looked it up in the ph. directory, well, I was busy doing things with the girls, and running around after them. I never got to it........."<P>I think he has told me all he needs to say. He simply does not want me, our marriage, or our family.<P>He has an appt. with our Dr. this coming thursday. He is going to get a referral to speak to someone, I'm not sure about what. I think he is suffering depression in a big way, but whether the referral is for a psychiatrist or a counsellor, I'm not sure. I don't want to ask any more questions.<P>I also caught up with BIL and his girlfriend while I was there. They have been so very supportive. Had a great long lunch, and lots of chat. Apparently MIL & FIL are still very angry with me, going back to aa comment I made about them both coming from dysfunctional families. FIL doesn't speak to father, 2 sisters or a brother, MIL doesn't speak to her father or her sister. That qualifies for dysfunctional where I come from. However, the comment has been turned around into Jo thinks that their own family is dysfunctional, (ie MIL, FIL, H, and BIL) Completely not true. The conversation never was about their own satellite family, ie, the 4 of them, but only my MIL & FIL's family. Apparently I have also supposedly said that my H was an underachiever. Never, not once, in the 12 years I have known him, have I ever thought that. Let alone said it. Where does this BS come from.? Oh well, I guess Joey has become the scapegoat for everything that there son is now going through. They just don't get it, that my moving away is a direct consequence of the choices HE made. They only have one person to blame that their grandchildren are so far away, and I'm sorry, I will not accept any of that. That is for him to bear. I needed my family.<P>All the hurt came back, and the anger for the way they have treated me, but I feel a lot better and calmer now that I'm back home. My own little sanctuary. Far far away from them.<P>Well, that's about it. I'm glad I talked myself out of those expectations, and was prepared for nothing. That's what I got.<P>hugs and prayers for you all<P>Jo

((((((((((((((((((((( JO )))))))))))))))))<P>come back over to my party, girlfriend.....the lemons arrived and I got a CASE of tequila.......<P>I'm glad your daughters enjoyed their visit....it really was for them, anyway....so, in that respect, you avhieved a great goal....<P>as for this...<P>""I think he has told me all he needs to say. He simply does not want me, our marriage, or our family."""<P>sorry girlfriend, but [censored] CAN happen, honestly....and if you were cool and calm..(and I KNOW you were....good girl!!!)...he may have thought that you were not 'jumping' at the chance for coffee with him...<P>also, another thought....he may have mentioned the 'coffee date' to his parents....they may, in their misguided dislike of you, have tried to persuade him against it...or whined and complained so much to him that he just didn't call...to keep the peace..so to speak..<P>think about it....<P>just breathe and realize that you did what you set out to do....give him a birthday with the girls...<P>and for that, they and he probably thank you...<P>chin up!!!<P>love ya!!!<P>Dylan

Hey Dylan,<P>thanks for that.<P>It still just hurts, you know...<P>I'm ringing the airlines now for that first available.... tequila and lemons, I'm there. By the time I arrive, this weekends hangover should have gone. I went to the casino with some friends on Sat. night, and had just a 'few' champagnes (my friend won big time - he was buying !!!!!) Yep, hangovers last days now, does that mean I'm getting old.???<P>I haven't even wished him Happy Birthday, it is today. I just don't want to speak to him.<P>I'll ponder what you've said, and you could be right about the outlaws - FIL and I never got on, (we had a civil cordial relationship to try and keep the peace for everyone else) but now I can say it. I DESPISE THAT MAN !!!<P>It's such a shame his 36 year old son can't or won't make decisions without his input.<P>love and hugs to you girl, how did your birthday party end up, or shouldn't I ask...<P>LOL How was that stripper ?????????????<P>Jo<P>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jo}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Welcome home!!!! I saw one good thing in your post, well..actually two...one was your H showing some emotion...two you had your expectations met.<P>Isn't it so much easier to handle things when the old expectations are kept at a minimum, and accep[tance is at a maximun...<P>I'll go with Dylan's take on your H standing you up.Forget your miserable in-laws..If they never treated you good to begin with they probably won't start now. Tell the to go take a sodding hike.<P>Hang in there maybe seeing the girls ( you have two girls, right?) gave him a homesick feeling that will jog him into reality...I know I am the ever hopeful one...<P>I'm glad you're back, hand in there it's not over yet...<P><BR>Bill<BR><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hi Bill,<P>thanks for that. You're right, they can take a SODDING HIKE !!!!!! Are you English?<BR>The only reason I ask is that I am originally, and sodding is an English expression of speech.<P>Yes, I have 2 girls, one 4 1/2, and one 21 months. Maybe it did jog him into reality. When we drove out of the hotel carpark, in a cab, he was driving the car in front of us.<BR>I could see him looking in the rearvision mirror, and he turned off into a street he wouldn't normally go down to get home. He had masses of tears when saying goodbye to the girls, and my eldest d was screaming for her daddy. It broke my heart, it must have done the same to him. He always has, and still does, adore his girls.<P>As for him showing emotion, well, it was the most I have seen/heard for a while.<P>I've just phd him for his birthday, he has gone home from work sick. I know he had a sore throat yesterday, but he couldn't or wouldn;t talk to me just a minute ago. That brick wall was back in place, he was not even interested that I was only calling for his b'day. Something is going on - I'm actually starting to get a bit worried. His voice just cracks when he speaks to me now, and I don't want to read anything into that, but why ???<BR>If he is so happy being a bachelor, why is he always crying when speaking to me.?? If he is so unhappy about his choices, why isn't he speaking to me.??<P>He was having such a bad day on Wed last week with Kylie "Boil the Rabbit" and he told me a little about what was going on. I just listened, didn't say a word, and at the end of the conversation, I just said I wish I was there to give him a hug. He made some comment about how it was amazing that I could say that, after everything. And the thing was, I meant it.....<P>Oh well, he has to dig himself out of this hole, but one way or another, I will always be there for him. This I do know.<P>Keep you chin up, big hugs for you<P>Jo

Hi Jo,<P>Gotta be brief...going to work in a moment. Just wanted to post for support. Ya did good, girl. Seriously. You did a really nice thing for your girls and their father. That was a wonderful gift. Savor that.<P>As for what's going on with Hubby? Yah, he does sound like he's depressed. I've been there. Suse has been there. So have many others here. Hopefully, with counselling (and perhaps some medication) he'll claw his way out of it. From everything you've told us, he just doesn't sound like his "old" self. <P>Anyhoo, welcome back. Nice to see you. Enjoy each day for what it brings.<P>DMac<P>------------------<BR>I'm just a pilgrim on this road, boy. 'Til I see thee... fare-thee-well. Steve Earle

thanks DuncanMac,<P>I hope the counselling will work. Even if not for us, for him personally. He sure has lost his way.<P>I'm glad to be back.<P>Jo