Hello Friends,<P>I know I ahev dropped off the face of teh planet but I still so need this group and BB. I started my New job as a pediatric nurse and i love it. Teh hours and the staff are fabulous. Yet I still find little joy in achieveing my dream. Almost everything is colored by my sadness over my Marriage being a farce. <P>H is doing all teh right things. As far as staying away from OW. BuT i just can't love him the same way. I feel so broken and damaged. A while back others were talking about how when they learned of thire Spouces affari tehy felt as if the marriage had a big Void on itas if the affair just cancelled all those vows made during the wedding. This is how i feel.....voided. <P>H could be helping more and not being so selfish. I started my new job and also took on my Niece and nephew to care for while My sister in law is away in teh miltiary. So Over nigth My family doubled as well as my chores and responsibility. H spends most of his time down stairs with his new computer. Thatw as in a former post how he wanted to build his new computer. So he has that now and he is down there and I'm up here with the kids. Worlds away as far as I'm concerned. I'm sole care giver and he relaxes. <P>So you see I'm sad. Not sure my marriage is worth it adn not sure i want it to end either. I'm finally safe...as far as a job goes yet I still Long for my life back. Teh one where i Had the never to be Happy.....Its almost as if the pain ahs not lessened at all. And it has been since x-mas time. Advice welcome...on my marriage and on ow to get 3 kids up and ready at 7am in the morning <P>Confusedwife

Well, as far as getting 3 kids up in the morning and going I would tell them that for every 10 minutes they messed around with in the morning that would be 10 minutes they would have go to bed earlier in the night. I have also resorted to bribery, if they hurry up and get ready they can watch some cartoons in the morning, usually this works since I limit their tv at every chance!<BR>As far as you marriage, well, I guess I would ask you a question in regards to this. The thing is that did you discuss the increase in the work load with your H before you took on the added responsibility of the kids? I mean, if you took them without talking about his additional help then you need to make him aware of the fact that you feel your drowning in a sea of responsibility. I would take the time out to spend with him, he sounds like he's feeling neglected, since he's hiding out. Anyhow, maybe he doesn't realize your needs and you need to communicate them better. I would also talk to him about where you guys are headed and how the tension is higher now with the kids and you feel cut off, he might not be aware of your feeling neglected. Anyhow, God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

Hi,<P>I know how you feel at this stage. It is a tough stage to go through. The feeling that there is a missing link, a bond that is "loose", not as intimate, a something missing.<P>This is normal. It is part of recovery. It is grief. You are grieving the loss of the marriage as it was once. <P>I think, though, as time moves on, and as you work towards building the lovebank, this feeling will lessen. And, something else takes it place.<P>I really understand where you are at, but I want to encourage you that it DOES GET BETTER. Some days are harder than others. Sometimes we take 7 steps forward and 6 steps back. The 7 steps can take 3 weeks to take, and in one hour you are knocked back another 6. But, as long as you keep your eye on the goal, and consistently work at restoring your marriage, and don't give up, you will be making ground. <P>Maybe the next time you only take 5 steps back. Maybe the next time it is 8 weeks before you go backwards. <P>But, with T I M E, things do improve.<P>Keep up the good work.<BR>TNT