Well, I've been saying that I don't think there is another woman, but a friend saw him with a dark haired girl in his car the other day. <P>I must be SO stupid! <P>Should I confront him or will that mess up the 180 and last chance strategy?

Sorry teddy bear. It's hard to see, but there almost always is an OP involved. Really, in over 90% of the separations. I question the other 10% too, it just may never get uncovered.<P>It changes nothing regarding Plan A. Personally, I think you should let him know that you know, but not in a disrespectful way (try to imagine that one!). Although, it is possible that she's not an OW, but I doubt it. He should have the opportunity to explain himself (deny, deny, deny). Seriously, the discovery moment is critical. If he acknowledges it, it's immediate decision time. Will he continue the affair or stop it then? Will he be remorseful and care about your feelings? If he doesn't stop it at discovery, expect to be wrapped up in this drama until it dies a natural death, months (at least) down the road. Since he already separated from you, my bet is he won't stop at discovery. I am really, really sorry. I know what this is like as do many on the forum.<P>If you do confront him, I suggest doing something that is totally unnatural. Instead of being angry about it, turn it around, put your arm around him, look him in the eye and say "I'd really appreciate if you could tell me what she's giving you that I didn't. I'd like to have the opportunity to make you happy with me.". If you can actually do this, you'll earn my respect forever. You'll also shock him off his chair.<P>I hope you have a good support group in place. Lean on friends for a while, OK. Come here whenever you need support.

Thanks for the advice!<P>I am actually doing the Last Resort Technique I read in Divorce Busting. Everything else was backfiring. This is the only way to keep my sanity!<P>I posted earlier that he broke into my house this weekend to get his stuff (like I wouldn't have let him have his stupid stuff). He has also been busy getting everything out of his name. <P>Oh well, he just wants a reaction out of me that I won't give him.<P>TB

Teddy Bear<P>Looks like I'm in the same boat. My H and I are separated (2 weeks). As hard as it is don't confront disrespectively. My H denied an affair but admitted that he wanted to explore a relationship with this woman. (Which really floored me and would you if you knew how conservative my h is)<P>When I had started to hear gossip I flipped out on the phone one night with him (before he moved out). He spoke in this possessed voice that I had never heard from him (he had never spoken truly cruely in 11 years of marraige before). He said "See, this is exactly why I am leaving you. You always do this" Now I have NEVER screamed at him before. I'm telling you he was a generous, affectionate, thoughtful husband. I always told him how much I appreciated him. (I guess my task now is to find out what I wasn't doing for him!!!!)<P>Anyway, he used this for ammo!!!! I haven't brought her up once since. I have continued to hear lots of rumors. It is hard. It seems like he has no emotion for me and the kids, but I still try to be pleasant and nice whenever I see him. Try to bite your tongue. Vent with some close friends. <P>It is really humiliating. But you have to remember You have not done anything wrong. You know what love is even if it is currently not "in love" "in love" does not mean the same thing as love. Love IS what it is all about.<P>Do you suppose my recurrent dreams of having my purse stolen this past year meant something?????????