Hello, Me again.<P>I took my son back up to college tonight. On the way back home I made arrangements to pick up my SAA book from Val. I stopped at her parents house and retrieved it. It was sitting on the side porch as requested. <P>Her car was not there so deciding that I had some time to waste I went past Brians house. Well, that's good, it's not out front. Went in the alley and sure enough there it sits.<P>That was enough to piss off the Pope. I circled around and wrote a note saying thanks for leaving the book out for me and I guess that this is really the end. I went to put it on her car and dearest Brian was out on the porch watching. I waved [using all fingers], saying I was leaving a note for Val. I asked if she was now living here. He replied Yes.<P>When I got back home. I called her parents house and spoke to her Mom. I asked when did she moved in with Brian? Dolores tells me she is still living here with them. I asked are you sure? She is sleeping at your place? Yes!<P>She told me that she thought the divorce was final. I said no, not yet. I told her that Val was still sending nice cards that lead me to believe that there was still hope and wanted to meet on Tuesday. Dolores was as confused as I was. She says I should just give up, how could you trust her again? I told her I love her daughter and it could work out. It seems that Val is lying to everyone including herself. <P>What the [censored] is going on? Her Mom never lied to me before. She never volunteered information, but, never told false stories. <P>I am so angry tonight. I could spit nails.<P>Sorry, I believe that this is one of my first real vents. Damn it!<P>Zippy the Pinhead and total idiot for believing there is still a chance.

Tim,<P> I am so sorry. To bad we don't live closer we could have a drink anddrown our sorrows in fact I am doing that right now. Read my post "a Yoyo up and down and spinning all around" You will understand. I have no words of wisdom but plenty of sympathy. I here to listen. <BR>{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Tim,<BR>Can't really give any advice since I'm basically giving up.(read my post if you want details. LONG STORY) but I can offer prayers and (((((HUGS))))).<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Tim, Tim, Tim,<P>That was the worst possible thing you could have done. I know I did it too. It just tears your heart out. I'm so sorry you had to endure that. This is a warning to others don't check up on your spouse. The knowing hurts worse than the not knowing.<P>It may have been Brian was the one that was lying knowing he could drive a wedge between you and Val. I guess I don't think your MIL would lie, but I've been wrong before.<P><BR>Hang tuff man! We here at MB are here for you.<P>God Bless <P>Bob

{{{{{Medic}}}}}<P>My MIL would do anything to protect her precious son. No matter how close we got at times, she seemed to always show me that. <P>Take care of yourself. RWD has a point, maybe Brian was lying???????

Hey Di, Mitzi and Bob,<P>It seems that we are all hitting the bottom at the same time. After I got off the phone with her Mom I walked around the block 5 times. The neighbors must wonder about me. <P>Di, I wish you lived closer too. Not just for the booze. I ran out early in the afternoon. I have time to hit the pizza place for more but that won't solve anything.<P>Mitzi, Looks like we are at the same place. Don't give up the ship! Thank God we don't a ship and can give up. <P>Bob, I was happy to see that her car wasn't out front. Yeah, bad move driving in the alley. I'll bet he would have a poop fit if he saw his girlfriend was sending nice cards to her H. I thought about sending copies to him. Why bother.<P>I don't think I would be this upset if she wouldn't have sent the misleading cards and her wanting to meet to talk this week.<P>I'll probably be out for a walk again soon. Took some Benadryl so I can try to sleep tonight.<P>Thanks for the kind words and hugs.<P>Tim

MEDIC238 -- Don't know what else to say except I'm sorry for you.<P>Thoughts and prayers.<P>God Bless

Hey SW,<P>Posting at the same time. I don't get it. Obviously Brian knows I will ask Val about the living arrangements. <P>Off course she will believe that I am lying about him telling me that she lives there. She could lie about living at parents house. Dolores could have lied. I doubt it though.<P>I can only believe that he came down and grabbed my note. I didn't see her anywhere. It seems that there are so many lies being passed around. Maybe Dolores is right. How could I ever trust her again?<P>Tim

Tim,<BR>I have to give up that ship. I won't hang on any longer. It sunk a long time ago and I just didn't realize it until now. <P>We all will be ok ya know? Sometimes it doesn't seem that way but we will.<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Only had one glass. Problem will take some bendryl also it sure helps me sleep and I don't want to think to night. Hope you sleep tight. and as my sister use to say don't let the bed buzz by (that is what she thought people were saying when they said don't let the bedbugs bite) Okay you had to be there and of course we were little kids then. O well I promise it was only one drink and my daughter made it and who knows what she put in it. <P>You know it would be nice if we all lived closer and might help.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hi Tim,<P>those lies, those damn damn lies...<BR>they just keep on coming....<P>I am at the stage where he doesn't have to lie, but still does.<P>Is it their guilt, and their trying to protect us from more hurt, in some sick perverted twisted way.<P>I'm feeling awful for you. I do remember reading here, in the very early days, that the knowing hurts worse than the not knowing. It is so true. I found that I could stop asking the questions. It didn't stop me from assuming, and I assumed the worst, but I didn't know for sure. There was still that element of doubt, that he really was with her all the time. Don't look, don't ask. It will make it easier for you.<P>big hugs for you<P>Jo

Tim,<P>I'm so sorry that you are hurting. I tend to agree with RWD that Brian is probably lying. He has more to gain by lying to you and knowing it will drive you nuts. Be strong as Val could still come around and see the light. Take care and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Hey ES, <P>Didn't mean to leave you Buddy. Thanks for the kind thoughts and prayers.<P>Hi Bonnet,<P>I just spoke to her yesterday. Yeah, I know I'm in Plan B and shouldn't have picked up the phone. She asked about the cats. Talked to my son. I told her I love her and could tell she was near tears. Now this [censored] today.<P>Hello Tulip,<P>I'm not sure who is blowing smoke up my butt. I guess I could drive by the house again and see if her car is there all night. I don't think that will happen. Thanks for the prayers.

Tim,<P>I don't know what else to say other than this SUCKS....<P>Hang in there buddy,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Lest we all forget: PEOPLE IN AFFAIRS DO NOT ACT RATIONALLY OR LOGICALLY. They LIE even when they don't have a history of lying.<P>OP's who are afraid they are losing their grip ALSO LIE. Yes, you could find out the truth by talking to Val, but if he has pushed you far enough, HE FIGURES YOU WON'T TALK TO HER AT ALL! OP's are generally not looking out for anyone's interests but their own.<P>This does not MEAN ANYTHING, Tim! For all you know, Val was at Brian's to tell him it was over, and Brian told you a HUGE lie because he was so angry that you are winning...<P>Until you talk to Val, don't jump to any conclusions. There would be no reason for your MIL to lie to you - she thought the divorce was final, so she wouldn't feel the need to lie about the living arrangements of her daughter.<P>I guess I'm saying: YOU'RE NOT STUPID. And there is no reason to give up at this point!<P>Just MNSHO...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P><BR>

Hey Bill,<P>Boy you ain't kidding that this sucks worse than life itself. I have no idea why I went over there in the first place. I should have known better. I guess it's like putting you hand on a hot stove. You know damn well it's going to hurt like a son of a gun, but you do it anyway. [Well, maybe that's just me]<P>Hi Terri,<P>It would be nice to imagine that she was over there to break it off with him. She tried that before and he turned on the water works. I believe that my tears were not as good.<P>I guess that Dolores wouldn't lie now. The living arrangement was the first question I asked her and it went from there to the divorce subject.<P>Seeing her car there was a heart sinker, then hearing she lives there was a kick in the jimmy. I know she goes over there, just seeing it in real life was too much.<P>I guess that if she does move in that would pretty much be the end of the road for me. I'm feeling a little better now.<P>How about I'm intellectually challenged.<P>Thanks,<P>Tim

How about just a slow learner? Think I am one also. <P>I would trust in thing my MIL said over the OP!!!!!! The OP wants to make trouble, the MIL will might be doesn't sound like your would.<BR><P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Quick update Guys,<P>I called Val this morning at the office and asked why she didn't tell me she moved in with Brian. She said she didn't. Why did he say so then? I don't know, maybe he wanted you to leave. Like I was planning on staying for coffee and cake.<P>A few LB's thrown. Couldn't help it. I said if that's the kind of horses [censored] you want to hang with, so be it. <P>She is still using the we have been separated for almost a year excuse. Not ready to come back, seems not ready to leg go either.<P>That's it, gotta run. Hope you Guys have a better day than I'm expecting.<P>Tim

Okay, we know one thing for a fact....<P>Someone is lying. <P>Who? 2 people out of 3 have the same story. <P>Medic, you are surprised to see Val's car at Brian's? No, you weren't surprised. You were hoping she wasn't there, but you weren't surprised. <P>You already knew she was having an affair, why did you drive by there? UGGGHHH!!!<P>But.... The good news is: She isn't living there! AND.... She actually talked about something!!! BUT... You took yourself about 3 steps backwards by driving by, and then lovebusting.<P>Back off from her right now, and next time you talk to her, do not mention it! Maybe send her another "friendly" card. Don't include any letters! <P>She knows you are going to need to 'cool' off a bit. <P>This aint over, Tim. She's still got quite a ways to go, but you gotta play your cards right, buddy! <P>ugghhh! <BR>

Hey TNT,<P>I know I just won the bonehead of the year award. <P>Your'e right I wasn't surprised to see her there, I really hoped she would have been at her sisters.<P>Why did I drive by? I must like to torture myself.<P>I was thinking if the relationship with Brian is so great why doesn't she move in?<P>I think Val and I both have a ways to go. I don't get it. I work in a high stress job and nothing bothers me. Blood, guts, gore. My personal life I can't seem to get a grip on. I have never had this great of a flood of emotions in the last 39 years.<P>Well, time to back off big time. I told ya to color me stupid!<P>I tried hard not to say something dumb this morning. Brians comment just burned my [censored].<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Tim