Hi,<BR>I am new to this forum and would like to ask someone for advice. My wife of 13 years has an affair with married co-worker. We have to children 12 and 10. She told me about affair on 01/21/00, she was EA to OM for about a year and I know that since last month is physical. She went for two-day trip with OM. OM has two small children and his wife is in emotional distress after death of her mother. He claims that he may divorce her to be with my W. W wants to separate to "sort out her feelings" and I know from our mutual friend that my presence in the house makes things worse. She claims that being around me irritates her and she cannot look anymore at my "sad face". She also claims that she never loved me and we should never marry. (I think she lies) I don't want to move away from our children, but since her mother is living with us W states that it would be much esier for me to move out. What should I do in this situation? Stay home despite her feelings? Move out and go to plan A? Go to plan B? Make her to move out? Please advise. <P>------------------<BR>

I am fairly new here too, but get the book Divorce Busting! <A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com" TARGET=_blank>www.divorcebusting.com</A> <P>It is great!!

It would be much "easier" if she would terminated her affair.<P>If she feels strongly about seperation to "sort out her feelings" then she should leave...not you. And tell her to take her mother with her.

Bob,<BR>Thanks for the advice. She dosen't want to end the affair, she so much "in love" that she dosen't think straight. Problem is that our kids are very attached to grandma and she is taking good care of them. Granny hinted that she may stay even if the W moves out, but you never know. I will ask W to move out anyway.<p>[This message has been edited by Sadpete (edited February 29, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by teddy bear:<BR><B>I am fairly new here too, but get the book Divorce Busting! <A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com" TARGET=_blank>www.divorcebusting.com</A> <P>It is great!!</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Thank you, I have already order the book. <BR>

I agree that the wife should move out, since she is the one who decided to have an affair and is not ending it. She is using the guilt about Grandma and the kids to manipulate you. If you like Grandma and are fine with her staying there, then she can stay. Otherwise, out they both go. How would you feel if she moved loser-boy into your home? If that is what she really wants to do (be with OM), you don't have to help her do it by leaving your own home.

Thanks Student,<BR>She cannot move in with the loser-boy because he is married with 2 kids and I believe his wife dosen't know about the affair yet. Otherwise, I think she would be long gone. I will talk to her tonight and ask her to move out. Do I apply any MB principles now. How about plan A or B?

Welcome <B>Sadpete</B>...<P>Before I give you a general welcome post a few thoughts...<P><B>DON'T MOVE OUT!</B>... this had to be said!<P>D-day has only been one month ago... this ihardly the time to push her away since you've had virtually no time to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> is where you've got to be for a while...<P>Don't let her "being around me irritates her" be the factor that pushes her out... and again...<B>DON'T MOVE OUT!</B><P>It is very, VERY, <B>VERY</B> hard to successfully <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... if she were to move out! Try to handle her time at home as best you can... read the books and post your questions here!<P>About her lying... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Wayward spouses do not necessarily have a history of lying, but their affair turns them into masters of deception. (page 40 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><B>Now</B>... I have a post of general welcome post I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>For some clarity... a short time ago the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR>Staying in the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum will give you the most responses! <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited February 29, 2000).]

Thank you, for your advice. I will talk to W tonight (when she gets back from her trip), I deceided to stay and if she needs separation, she will have to move. I have one more question. I almost move out few weeks ago, but changed my mind very last minute. She was very upset about it and became even more hostile. Before she gave "I'm sorry" hugs time to time, know she is indifferent and openly hostile. I am very calm and quiet and did not engage in any LB. How about friend's "inside" knowledge that separation would "improve" her feelings for me? Does this mean anything or W is trying to provoke me to move out of the house?