JDarm5,<P>I think it's great that you are both wanting to work on your marriage, you are going to make it.<P>I think you may be a little confused about what forgivness is... it isn't forgetting. That you will never really be able to do. I do believe however that in time, it may be just a bad faint memory.<P>Forgiveness is talked about many times in scripture, in fact it is what Jesus is all about, it is through Jesus's dying and resurrection that Christians are forgiven.<P>Christians are called to forgive. Colossians 3:13 "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."<BR>Jesus told Peter that we are to forgive 7 times 70 times.<P>A recent lecture about forgiveness talked about what forgiveness is not. I will condense the points here for you.<P>It isn't necessarily immediate or even a one-time action. It may take some time, and consciously done again and again. It can be a long process.<P>Forgiveness is not dependent upon confession. It is something which God commands us to do, an action that I may choose and which is not dependent upon the behavior of the other person. He commands it for our own good as well as the good of the other person.<P>Forgiveness does not require an agreed version of the past.<P>Forgiveness means letting go of my natural right to revenge. As human beings we are not responsible for the moral balance of the universe. That is God's perogative alone.<P>Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. God promises that He will remember our sins no more, but this is an ability which He has not given to us. A better goal is to strive for a memory of the wrong that no longer harbours malice. <P>Proverbs 17:9 says "He who forgives an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends". Here the opposite of forgiving is not remembering but rather repeating. Forgivness means not bringing it up again. I forfeit my right to repeat it all over again but choose instead to let it be finished. I choose this in 3 areas: I won't repeat it to to the person who wronged me, I won't repeat it to others and I won't dwell on it to myself. <P>Forgiveness does not mean excusing the behaviour of the other person. <P>Forgiveness is easier when we rest in God's providence. Romans 8:28 indicates that even in bad situations, events that were not in His will, he can and does work good out of these situations.<P>Forgiveness does not always mean re-trusting. Those are 2 separate issues. Forgiveness is a choice. Re-trusting is a judgement. If forgiveness meant the same thing as re-trusting, then I would have to wait to forgive you until you had changed. God doesn't command us to re-trust. Where confession and repentance are deep and sincere, forgiving and re-trusting often come together.<P>And finally, Forgiveness is incomplete until love replaces anger.<P>A cassette tape of this lecture is available at <A HREF="http://www.soundword.com/lab2000.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.soundword.com/lab2000.html</A> <P>I realize that this it long, but I hope it helps you with your struggle. Please don't let this be a barrier to your work of reconciliation and the great things God has planned for your marriage. He will reward your faithfulness.<P>God bless you,<P>Repenting<P>One other point I wanted to make, I can't remember now who it is, but I like their signature line, they said "Resentment is when you take poison and wait for the other to die." Very well said.<P>------------------<BR>Fear God and you will have nothing else to fear<P>Hosea 3<p>[This message has been edited by Repenting (edited February 29, 2000).]
