Maybe it is my emotional state or maybe it is because there has been no contact with my H in 8 days, but I feel very hopeless today.<P>Is all the pain and suffering we are all going through worth it? <P>I mean really! If these people have the capability to hurt us this deeply, do they deserve all the effort we are giving to this marriage?<P>How do we know that they wouldn't just do this again sometime even if they do decide to grace us with their presence again?<P>What kind of person would leave his pregnant wife? Is that the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with?<P>Right now, I think the answer may be NO!<P>These people don't deserve us! Why do we keep trying???

After reading the post from My3kids and crying for her, I again ask...<P>ARE THESE CREEPS WORTH IT??<P>Why do we even try? <P>Holding on can only bring more pain.<P>Cat had some great advice and I am going out to get the book she suggested tonight.<P>There doesn't seem to be any point in working on my marriage anymore. He doesn't care. He doesn't call. <P>I need to move on I guess. How SAD!!! My poor daughter!

I am so sorry. It is so sad. You can make yourself go crazy trying to figure them out. You do sometimes wonder why you put yourself through all of this trying....fighting...when it seems they have given up the fight a long time ago. Maybe because we love them....maybe because we have this need to do everything possible to recapture our marriage. Just know that you can not have any regrets if you try everything to get it back. If all fails...at least you know you did what you could.<P>God bless you and your daughter.....and even your H<BR>Nancy

Thanks Nancy!<P>I really do feel that I tried everything even though it has only been 6 weeks since S. I am actually still trying by using the DB Last Resort Technique. <P>I haven't had any contact with my H in the last 8 days (unless you count him breaking in while I was gone over the weekend to get his stuff). <P>He has been taking his name off of EVERYTHING this week! <P>It seems pretty hopeless.<P>This isn't the man I married. Maybe I NEVER knew him.

Teddy Bear,<P>I appologize for not replying to you sooner. I thought you were someone else. There was a message on here about a month ago from some man who had been in prison and back and forth for years with a lover, it was about an hour to read his whole post. I thought he was teddy bear, so I haven't been reading yours since.<P>I agree, that it does come to a point when it all gets hopeless. I think we are all going through a lot of pain, myself, mitzi, and woozy are all coming to this at the same time as well.<P>I think you part of it is Plan A , it puts a lot of pressure on you. I had so much stress I never made it to Plan B. <P>There are no guarantees. If we go back with the betrayer, there is just as good of chance, he/she will do it again, as much as a chance it will work next time. With that in mind, once you have been hurt so deep, you need to look at YOU to see if you are capable of forgiving and in my case, I can't.<P>I know its wrong. I know I should forgive, but I am not ready to. I will keep a closer watch on your posts, sorry i mistakenly thought you were someone else. Dana<BR>

Lonelymom,<P>I know what you mean about stress! It seems like the more I would Plan A, the more he pulled away. Anyway, now I am doing the Divorce Busting Last Resort Technique and I have cut off all contact with him.<P>I haven't talked to him in 8 days. It gets easier each day though. I have to say that I have came a long way in 6 weeks!!<P>Sleeping is still hard though. Losing weight was an unexpected bonus (haha LOL).<P>Anyway, sounds like our situations are pretty much the same. <P>Any advice you would have to offer would be great! <P>P.S. That's funny about the name thing. I hope EVERYBODY doesn't think that!!!

Hi Teddy Bear,<P>I think the best move I made was when I gave up! Of course my husband moved in with the ow on Valentine's Day. Isn't that sweet? I tell you though, knowing that he is out of my life and that I don't have to deal with his crap on a daily basis has made my life so much easier! I can now focus on healing myself instead of trying to get my husband to get his head out of his a$$!!!! My husband is not the man I married either. The man I met and fell in love with would have never treated me this horribly. I liken his behavioral change to a death. The man I fell in love with is now dead. Or, I guess I could even say that my real husband was abducted by aliens and this is his replacement. That sounds really good. The thing is, I don't know him anymore. Even his own family says that about him. I do believe that the best thing for me was just to move on and start getting better and to stop dwelling on my husband. I also figured out that there is no good in trying to figure out what he is thinking because he doesn't even know what he is thinking. I honestly feel like I am at a much better place in my life than I did even two weeks ago! I know divorce isn't going to be fun. Going through it that is. It will probably be hell. I don't relish the idea of sending my kids to stay with my husband and having them being around the ow. I am sorry, she is a tramp and I don't think my kids should have to be subjected to that. It is bad enough they will have to spend time with their father. Yes, I still have some issues to deal with. I think that is perfectly normal! The boys and I had another counseling session today. We are going to keep that up. I keep thinking to myself that I wish it was just two years from now! By then I hope to have a good job and have a whole new routine. That and we will hopefully be through the worst of the fallout from the divorce!<P>~Woozy

Woozy,<P>I don't look forward to divorce either. I remember when H left you because I got my Divorce papers too. It seems the holidays are really bad for us all these days.<P>Try not to think too far into the future, you too teddy bear, I have been taking it day by day, and on a bad day, hour by hour, it gets better, but each time it gets worse, I do pull up and out of it, a little faster than the last time. Each time, I am not hurt as bad anymore because I have been hurt far too much already.<P>We will all survive, I am sure of it. Especially with the love and support for each other on the forum.

teddy bear,<BR>I guess I am part of the "I give up" group!<P>And you know what? I feel so much better! Of course, my situation is a little different than yours (physical abuse by my H)so I guess you could say I'm more relieved than anything.<P>Some people can plan A a lot longer than others. It just depends on what your emotional limits are.<P>Good luck,<BR>Mitzi

If I thought Plan Aing would work, I would keep doing it, but everytime I showed love he withdrew more (guilt I guess). Anyway, I figure the Last Resort Technique from Divorce Busting was the only way I could actually still be working on the marriage, but keep my self esteem in check.<P>I have to admit that it is hard because he has not called in I don't know how long. He supposedly loved my daughter like his own, but hasn't called to talk to her even one time! <P>She is 6 and doesn't understand all of this. She is really angry right now and is having terrible nightmares. The dreams all consist of Her, Me, and Her Biological Father all being together and my Husband coming and killing us somehow.<P>How sad huh? Anyway, I have decided to quit feeling sorry for myself and spend quality time with her. <P>Thanks for your input. Advice at any time would be appreciated.<P>