My H for the first time in months has expressed some desire to try and work on our marriage. He has been trying extremely hard not to argue with me and we have gotten along quite well lately. He is currently living with the OW but is suppose to more out this month. I guess I will have to wait and see.<P>I do not trust my H after all the lies he has told me. I want to believe him, but I am afraid to let my guard down completely. My Question is: Are there any signs that show he is being honest and sincere? Once you decided to end your affair, how did you show your spouse you were sincere? Thanks for any info you can offer!

Hi Tulip,<P>I'm not a betrayer, but I'm wondering....if your H has decided to work on the marriage, why can't he move out from OW's residence right now?<P>If he gives you an excuse, such as, "I need to pay the rent," can't you just have him pay the rent....but still, he will live with you?<P>I'm just wondering.....<P>Oh....and here's some answers to the questions you asked.<P>When my H decided to work on our marriage, we went to joint marital therapy. I also had him "account for his time" and he would call if he would be late coming home from work. We also spent more time together. He would try to answer my questions as open & honestly as he could (although I suspect he didn't tell me everything).<p>[This message has been edited by NoTrust (edited March 01, 2000).]

Tulip: There really is no way that you(the betrayed) can tell outside of taking his/her word. I have told my spouse that I made a mistake and I truly do want to stay with him. I do love him very much, but currently I am in a dark hole that I am trying to get out of. I know he has his days of questioning my word. I can see it in his eyes and his behavior toward me. As I told him before; there is no way I can prove that I will stay with him until death other than my daily presence. I do make it a point not to leave the house without giving him a kiss goodbye and telling him I love him. I am struggling with issues that even cause me to question my own reliability. <BR>All I can tell you is that it will be you that will decide whether or not you believe him. Of course, he will have to make every effort to be faithful and rebuild your trust in him. Good luck to you both.

NoTrust,<P>The lease is up on my H's apartment this month. He has expressed some desire to work on the marriage, but I have not told him he can come home yet. Right now, he can't just walk back in because there is a court order that he cannot enter my house unless I allow him to. I had to file a whole bunch of things back when he was acting crazy because he was slowing trying to move everything we owned when I was not at home. At least, I think that was his plan. I am currently trying to decide the best way to move forward with the possiblity of the marriage working. I am still a little afraid that he might get his foot back in the door and then go berzerk again! My attorney told me if we try and work on the marriage I should have him sign an agreement that states I did not condone his behavior but I will work on the marriage to try and save it. Apparently, this will help prevent him from coming back just for the simple fact he doesn't want to pay child support, etc.<P>Thanks for the info. I think marriage counseling is a must for us. I hope that we will be able to work on our marriage and accomplish what you have.

Hi Tulip,<P>How are you doing today?<P>I think that is great advice that your attorney gave you. He definitely is working for your best interests.<P>Hang in there. I'll pray for you.