Well, we talked about the did he or didn't he have an affair and Steve admits that his denial is a problem for us to move past. See my profile, but I think there is little doubt that something at least an EA is going on. Steve said that I need to be doing plan A, but my continuing to do plan A with no acknowlgement from H will burn me out. And that not communicating that there is an ongiong problem that we need to work on could lead to more missunderstanding, like H thinking she is treating me so well I must be doing everything right.<BR> So I am to fill out LB questionaire from my H point of view, and to try and get H to call Steve. Of course he has said he will not go to counseling so I am concered that he won't do this. I have been rehearsing how to ask him all afternoon. Now he called and said he is not going to be home till later so there goes my plan of a nice dinner and hit him with it during dessert.<BR> I am hopeful that Steve can get him to open up, but I am worried he won't call Steve. I am feeling like something needs to break here, I can not go on ignoring his continued contact and getting nothing from him. At some point he needs to do a little communication and work on this marriage too.<BR> So we shall see what happens. <BR> Lora

Lora,<P>I'm so glad you called Steve. Your H is very typical. You might, tough be surprized at his curiousity about the LB Questionnaire. Explain what it is about, and tell him you have filled yours out. Men can't stand not to know. Steve will give you a plan for good reasons. Try, as hard as it is, to put your needs and emotions on hold right now. Your h is so confused, he doen't know what he wants, much less having energy to comprhend your needs. The Harley plan is to get him to feel comfortable talking with you. However, I do agree, having everthing going on out on the table is important. Steve will discuss this with you I am sure. Hang in there. I bet your h will call Steve, and at least look at the questionnaires. Keep on working. Many people are praying for you and your family. victoria

Lora,<P>Do listen to Steve...<P>It will be hard to get your H to commit to talking with Steve... but don't gie up on this. Your Plan A efforts need to be balanced and supported with your "honest" need for him to contribute to marriage building.<P>I pray for your success.<P>Jim

Hey, folks,<P>Lora's situation (inappropriate friendship that H denies is anything too intense) is quite common, as we all know. <P>Does it bother anyone else that S. Harley is "stumped" by the fact that Lora's H denies anything going on? I can't possibly believe that he's never encountered this before.<P>I know that "Plan A" as defined in Harleyland assumes that discovery has taken place, but you'd think they'd have something to offer in cases like Lora's (and mine) where the spouse is in deny, deny, deny mode.