Victoria in Texas<BR>Member posted March 02, 2000 06:01 PM <BR>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<BR>how are you today? Ithink you should start a new topic since you are a H with a wayward wife. There are several other men here who are in the same situation. I don't really know which ones, I get everyone mixed up. Put that in your subject line and they will respond. I hope you had a good day. <P>Tried to post yesterday. Did not seem to work.<P>The vacation is in progress now.<BR>Yes I paid/am paying for her to be several 1000 miles from us. No guarantee from her that OM is not going to show up or be seen. Vacation puts her only few hundred miles from OM 6hr drive maybe ...<P>Question does plan A call for me just to hope for the best? <P>Some have told me I must be very very loving or crazy to have let this trip go on. <P>Anyway got an email from her that she got there ok. .<P>Trip has been in the works since end of Jan. Yes I did LB a few times over it.<P><BR>by the way;(Victoria in Texas)I have the workbook that goes with his needs her needs and LB. <P><BR>W not interested in working on it.<P>

I'm sorry that at this time, your w does not want to use Dr. H's materials. However this does not mean you can't. I think he address what to do with a S that does not want to work. <P>Sorry to be so short, but I am going out of town until Monday. I will say a pray for you and your family. You are NOT alone. Many have been in your shoes, and yet they have made it thru this nightmare. You can to. Victoria

inthisboat,<P>There is very little you can do in this situation. You can only hope for the best in that your w will see that what she is doing is wrong and will be sorry and willing to work on the marriage with you.<P>You must remain in Plan A even after she comes back. You cannot demand details of vacation. I guess you have to act as if she did not meet with om.<P>Hang in there, you are in for the roller coaster ride of your life.<P>Keep posting for advise and to vent. Don't let it buildup and then explode on her when she returns. She must feel it is "safe" to return to you.<P>God Bless<P>Bob

inthisboat2,<P>Bob is 100% right on the Plan A-ing!<P>I will however tell you what happened to me.<BR>About 2 months before D-day, my W too went a on a vacation... with her "girl-friends" from the "Aruba" chat. Now this <B>is</B> exactly what it was supposed to be. There was no OM... and she didn't even tell the 2 girls she went with... about satrting the affair (about 3 weeks earlier!<P>But...<BR>One of the women was also haveing marital problems... and the general contributions on the chat line were about martial problems! This openness of "complaining"... and <B>NOT</B> solving in my opinion contributed to my W's acceptance of the affair!<P>Several month's after out (W & I) D-Day... I found an e-mail message where my W was encouraging one of these women to syphon off money so she can start her own affair/divorce... It was totally disgusting!<P>Friends not with you... <B>are</B> against you!<P>Yes... do keep up the Plan A... obviously I did not and caused another huge Love Buster when I called this woman's husband about the e-mail!<P>Be careful...<P>This is a very difficult balancing act.<P>Prayers... <P>Jim

I just was in the similar situation my W just came back from 2 day trip with OM. Dud, you have to let it go. You cannot worry every minute what she is doing because you will go crazy. Focus on yourself and things you like to do to take your mind of her. If she wants to meet the OM, she will do it no matter what you think or do. Let it go, stay in Plan A and do your thing. Hopefully, she will came around. You have control over your actions and fellings (to the extend) focus on yourself and do not worry about her. Easier said than to be done, but it will keep you sane. It worked for me. Hugs and prayes, hang on, Dud.