I just got back from marriage counseling session, my W coul't not make it this time. Anyhow, the counsler suggested that I give my W as much space as she needs. She is quite angry,has a lot of resentment and my presence in the house aggregates the situation. I suggested for her to move, but her mother is living with us and she uses her as a excuse to stay. I am willing to move for some time to let her anger to boil over. I the mean time I was wondered if anyone tried successful Plan A during separation. I am planing to spend as much time as possible at home with kids and keep "separation" just formal. She seems quite happy with the idea of me moving out. Two days ago she was requesting divorce because, I did not respect her plea for space. I asked her for more time and tell her that I will move out then I am ready (04/01). I know it is against MB principles, but it seems that she is warming to the idea. Maybe it is just a play on her part. I will support her financially as much as I can, but at the same time I would like the reality to set in. We agreed with the counsler that she is still in the fantasty land and directs her anger toward me to justify her affair with married man. Boy, does she needs a reality check !!! I think decision to move out give me same relief and I am doing quite well mentally. The affair is still "fresh" (3 months) - only 5 weeks from D-day.

Sadpete,<P>There are a number of us who went through Plan A (or are still going through it) separated from our W's... me included. One of the veteran guy's (Chris) may chime in too!<P>IMHO don't move out...<BR>IMHO don't have W move out...<P>The chances of doing an effective Plan A are greatly diminished if you do.<P>Yes... it makes it easy to avoid those Love Busters... but nearly impossible to meet <B>ANY</B> of her emotional needs.... and leaving off the emotional needs part of Plan A us a big mistake!<P>I can realize and understand her anger...<BR>But.. you know what...<BR>Ever since my W moved out... her anger towards me has grown (fed undoubtedly by OM.) Tou may not think that is possible... but I can assure you... it is!<P>Something to take into account if you plan on moving out!<P>Prayerful thoughts on this one Pete!... <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited March 03, 2000).]

Jim,<P>Thanks for your reply. I was thinking long and hard about this, but it seems the best solution at the moment. Both of us living in the same house dosen't work. There is a constant tension and her anger. Even kids start commenting how "Mommy is mean to you". She is so much in "love" with OM that I don't meet many of her emotional needs anyway, but the LBs are all to common (from her side). She cannot think straight right know and I need for her to cool off. Beside I believe that the reality will set sooner while I am out kids, bills, household chores etc.<P>MOving out was something she asked me to do, since she states that I have a very strong personality and I am supressing her. However, I am going to indicate that it is only temporary, because of the financial costrains. If situation won't improve with time (few months), I will be back home continuing with Plan A. I will see how she reacts to that. I believe it is the best solution for now. I will let you know how it worked.

Pete,<P>I was able to successfully plan-a seperated. I had to eat an [censored]-load of resentment, but I did no lovebusting. Thats what it is all about. When I get more time, I'll share more of my experience.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

I am separated and doing planA. I still have not real idea of what is going on. I got a lot of nonsense. (check other posts). <P>He moved out about 3 weeks ago, after acting like azombie to me and the kids for 2 months. I guess looking back he was in withdrawal from OP. When I would see him at work he seemed like himself (she was there) but he would walk in the door and say he was freezing, or he would go to sleep, or he would play horrible computer games or watch movies like "Apocalypse now"<P>Anyway, I have 3 kids who were the apple of his eye until this. Luckily, he comes over often or calls, so I really try plan A then. <P>He really needed to get out. He was feeling "Trapped by the marraige, kids and situation" So I let him free. <P>Things have been better regarding the uncalled for anger. I actually told him early on "Whatever i wasn't to you. I was never your enemy. Don't you dare treat me like one now" I couln't believe some of the treatment I got. This was a gentle man, conciderate etc. <P>I'm not sure if it's all working or not. I haven't got too much feedback. But he is not angry, he comes to see the kids, we talk and he hugs me (that's about it). He has smiled at me the last two times he was here in way that reminded me of the old him. <P>I have not asked him any questions. I have not pressured him.. He is a real conflict avoider and must be in great pain. He has already told me he is not completely aware of what is going on. ( He is in counseling himself). <P>But I am counting on plan A. And I have no choice since he moved out. I also cannot get him to rid himself of the OP because she is sort of indespensible to him at work. <P>She is also married. I don't know if she is leaving her husband but I heard rumors yes.<P>She is another story altogether. S Harley says in this case I may have to wait for him to "bottom out" which I think will happen. <BR>This is a bit of midlife for him. <P>Isn't there a great quote somewhere on this board about feeling trapped and opening the cage door and setting them free. <P>Just do a great plan A when you are with the kids.