I am in so much pain now. I am sick with a very bad cold which does not help matters. <BR>Here is a brief history of my situation and I hope someone might have a good idea as to what I should do next. <BR>My H came back to me right after Thanksgiving. We even stopped the divorce that was almost final. He said it was all over between him and OW and he wanted to save our marriage. I have been very patient with him through these past three months as he goes through his withdrawal period. I would always tell me that OW was not contacting him when I would ask which was often. He was never gone for long periods of time unaccounted for. <P>Last Sunday my world came crashing down. Here I thought things were going well and I have been decieved again. My H accidently left his pager at home and she was paging him. When I confronted him he confessed that he never stopped seeing her. He said thier encounters would be very brief. I thought he understood that separation from her was vital if we were to have a chance, but he did not understand. He even said he felt bad and he did not know that was part of the plan even though we agreed upon that. Two days later he walked out on me. He told me that ow had given him an ultimatum for him to come back to her by the end of the month or she would be out of his life forever. <P>Now what am I suppose to do. Its back to ground zero again. I want him back and he left with a lot of doubt about his future with OW and even told me that he loved me a little. I cannot believe he walked out. I never thought he would go for such an ultimatum. We have been talking daily on the phone since then and I can send emails to him at work, but with the weekend there will be no contact. He is expressing a desire to come back. I have stated to him that he is not allowed to come into the house anymore like he did last time. Is this a good idea? Or should I try to get close to him by seeing him as much as possible? Should I give him an ultimatum? <P>Please help! <BR>

Pinky,<P>You're hurt (and rightfully so)...<P>But from what I understand you are still in Plan A!<P>Giving your H ultimatums will just push him closer and closer to the OW!<P>Locking him out of the house is a Love Buster...<P>What to do then?...<P>Well, unless your love for your H is drained.. and you're ready to go to Plan B...<BR>Then do all you can to be the ideal W!<BR>Let him know he has a safe haven at home!<BR>Meet those needs of his you can... (sexual fulfillment may be a tough one though.)<P>You are in competition with the OW... and she probably has a big advantage in fullfilling that fantasy world! By Love Busting... you will be playing right into the OW's hands!<P>Is this hard to do?... <B>YOU BET IT IS!</B><BR>Is there an alternative?... yes... Plan B!<BR>That is equally as hard if not harder!<P>I'm praying for you... <P>Jim<P>

I agree with Jim. We are in competition with the O/W. That is how it is. My family and friends think that I am crazy. But I keep smiling and trying to be the wife that I was not these last couple of years.<P>I can tell you a little of my story. I found out about My H affair 5 months ago. He left the house. He tried the first few weeks. He got worse as he could see O/W more. Though work found out around new years and they started to cool it. All the time he takes me out, we have sex ect. Though through the holidays i did no contact because it was hurting me too much.<P>My H moved home 4 weeks ago and his affair is over but he still has feeling for her. He is going to out of town for almost a month, though he will be back in town here and there.<P>It seems it helped to let them be together for them to see it would not work and she is dumping him. He is 12 years older.<P>I still have a divorce pending. I am trying topostpone as long as I can.<P>Hope this helps. I know that you are hurt. They are still in fantasy land. Their bubble will burst.<P>I am waiting for his too. I just hope not too late.

Thanks Jim and my3kids, <P>I guess I should welcome him with open arms. It is just so hard to go through this all over again even with all the love I have for him. I did plan A for 7 months before and I don't think I can last that long. That was the hardest thing I did. This OW is so powerful that I am sure he will come running back to me like he did the first time. He says he loves her and he likes the way they get along and talk to each other, but for the last three months I am sure she was putting all her charm into getting him to come back. <P>I will try plan A again because if he is able to see me that can be a start in the right direction.....at least I hope.<P>I wish both of you the best of luck and my prayers are with you.<P><BR>Pam