.<p>[This message has been edited by Jackh (edited March 26, 2001).]

Does anyone out there care? I DO

Jack,<BR>Yeah, the people here do care. <P>I have a hard time posting to "newbies" because this is fairly new to me also. It's difficult to post something positive and give advice to someone when I'm not sure if what I'm doing is right or not. <P>There is a post of general welcome in the just found out forum. It has a lot of links to information that you should read if you haven't already done so. It explains a lot of details about the different concepts used by most people here. <P>Read as much as you can, and post, and then read and post some more. Take time to read other posts too. That way you might find someone who is in a similar situation as you. <P>I know this is hard. But try to take lots of deep breaths and take care of you.<P>Prayers,<BR>Mitzi

Jackh<P>I care! I realy do!<P>I know how hard this is for you and with her saying she is getting married so soon you must be devistated and in shock. <P>As Mitzie said read, read and read some more on this web site. There is lots to help you here. With so many in pain on this forum it is next to impossible to respond to everyone. Not to mention your situation may be different than many others as you were not married yet to your g/f yet. Not that that means you hurt any less because I'm sure you hurt just as bad.<P>I just wanted to let you know others *do* care.<P>Fingers Crossed<P>

Jack--<BR> I am so sorry for your pain. If I read your post right, your girlfriend was involved with this other man for one of the two years you have been together? When did you find out about their relationship?<BR> You are in my prayers tonight...<BR>Kathi

.<p>[This message has been edited by Jackh (edited March 26, 2001).]

Slow down Jack, give us a chance to reply. You're hurting, in pain, but we're only human too. Dec of 99 I assume, hard to think of 99 as last year. She wants you to go to the checkups, or is letting you? Is the OP going as well? Is this on the off chance that you are the father or because she still cares for you.<BR>How about the marriage, is it still on, is her family involved, do they know the situation yet? Zero to marriage in 3 months is pretty sudden, what is her demeanor to you, is she cold, or does she still like/love you? Talk to us, we'll try to help.<P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

Jack,<BR>It's so good to know that the girls have you. You obviously are a very important person in their lives. Even if things don't work out between you and their mother, try to keep the relationship with them. <P>You never know how things will work out in the end. Especially if the baby turns out to be yours.<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

.<p>[This message has been edited by Jackh (edited March 26, 2001).]

Sparkydog<P>Sorry '99 is right, Gina asked me to go, she said she knows how much it means to me & she she wants me to stay involved as the child maybe ours, but don't count on it. No the OP knows nothing of this, he does not even know I have been getting the girls on weekends and Sara off the bus everyday, Gina tells him they are at her Mothers. Gina is nice to me, but stands off as she said tonight, "I am going to get married on the 19th, it's still on"<P>Her Mother & Father support are not real happy with this but they as I don't want to start any trouble because of the girls.<P>Thanks Jack

Does the OP know about Gina being pregnant or doesn't know about your continued involvement w/ her and the girls?<P>Classic fantasyland behavior, she can't even tell OP that you are still involved w/ the girls and with her and her dr visits. She is having a big problem w/ the honesty thing. Do you know the OP, what about arrangements for visitation of the girls after the "marriage"?<P>The girls are going to have the hardest time of all of you. They've lost one dad already, now are losing you, and will probably lose this OP eventually if the marriage actually takes place. Try to be a stable person in their life if she will let you.<P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

.<p>[This message has been edited by Jackh (edited March 26, 2001).]

why the he11 won't her mom and dad be able to see the girls? Is this guy that controlling or is that her decision? More info. We'll get through this.<P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

Jackh,<P>My advice. Use Plan A and be as good to those poor kids as you can. This thing is going to blow sky high. If the OM doesn't know you could be the father and that you are taking care of the kids, then he is going to get the shock of his life. <P>He has no clue who he is marrying. Actually, I am not sure you know who your girl friend is either, but I suspect you are closer to the truth than he is.<P>This poor guy is going to hear about you from the children. There is no way they will be able to keep their mouths shut on this. <P>So hang in there, be kind and loving and most of all help those poor girls. They have a very messed up mother.<P>God Bless You,<P>JL

.<p>[This message has been edited by Jackh (edited March 26, 2001).]

Hey Jack,<P>Just to let you know that there are those praying for you, the girls, and the unborn baby. I hope you have a GREAT time with the girls tonight.<P>Wonderful picture, but boy big feet. <P>Ed

It sounds to me this lady of yours has an AWFUL LOT of GROWING UP TO DO! She seems to only care about herself and no one else. Did you know of any problems prior to the OP? Did this just come out of the blue? I really can't help you with this one, because when kids are involved like this and the Parent doesn't see the harm they are causing then I get emotional and disgusted! She needs to grow up. And the fact that she KNOWS you will do anything to be with her shows that she will use this to her advantage for as long as you allow it. I don't think a Plan A will help. It sounds like you have been Plan A'ing already. Maybe a Plan B is what she needs. JMHO

Welcome <B>Jackh</B>...<P>Before I direct you a general welcome post... a few thoughts...<P>You say you've found this site in October (that's just a few weeks after I found it)... and if you've anything about <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A>... you'll know that the combined duration of both is about 2 years! In your first post you said <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>My girlfriend of 2 years moved out...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...I think, and this is purely personal, that you may your GF's 2-year limit...<P>I understand you love her emensely, and her girls too. If you wish to proceed... absolutely the only way is with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... but I would strongly consider... if you reach recovery... to go for some <B>marriage PREPARATION</B> counseling/training. <B>trying2_4give</B> has some very valid "logical" points that someone who is in love may be missing.<P>Has your GF really grown up?<BR>Is she mature enough for a realtionship?<BR>Clearly she's mature enough to have babies... but is that enough?<P>While you wait about the "fatherhood" issue... does that really mean your GF is at an emotional stage/state where she can commit to a truly solid marital commintment?<P>These are questions only you can answer...<BR>Don't let emotions tie up some of logical reasoning...<BR>...lost logical reasoning... will lead to problems of even greater magnitude in the future.<P><B>Now...</B> I have a post of general welcome post I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A> (good refresher for anyone)<P>Prayers for some thoughtful decisions... <P>Jim

.<p>[This message has been edited by Jackh (edited March 26, 2001).]

.<p>[This message has been edited by Jackh (edited March 26, 2001).]