I am struggling with the direction to be taken with my husband who has been involved in a long distance romance for the past 18 months.This evolved out of depression and general disconnection in our marrige along with the activity of 3 great children. He has tried to break off contact with her several times but lasts only 4 - 6 weeks and becomes more depressed than usual. He has talked about moving out for the past 9 months and seems to becoming more certain baout that change. I feel almost panicked about trying to keep him from doing that. He says that he feels no connection with me and has been avoiding me for the past 18 months. No wonder I have not been able to connect with him. We are in counseling - individually and together - and each have made some changes for the better. His therapist, however, seems to be supporting his decision to separate. Our therapist says that I have been quite patient waiting out this on again, off again relationship with this other woman but told him only recently that he would have to give up that relationship if our marriage were to grow. I have tried to get him to go to two different intensive marital therapy groups locally and he has considered one. However, I am concerned that examining our relationship as it is now from his perspective,it will affirm for him that there is nothing worth building on and that we should separate. His line is that "needs change and love changes". On the other hand, reading SAA gave me the perspective that it is difficult for our relationship to be more connected when he has been pouring all of his emotional energy into telephone calls and emails cross-country. He is reading SAA at my suggestion and has sought out some other books on marriage so I am confused. Our relationship is mostly cordial, parallel, and emotionally non-existent. I would love to hear some ideas as to a next step. Thanks.

Welcome <B>smac</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>For some clarity... a short time ago the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR>Staying in the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum will give you the most responses! <P>I assume you've started Plan A...<BR>Keep going with that as best you can.<P>It's great that your both in counseling... although ... his therapist that recommends separation... <B>has got to go</B>!<BR>Once you husband finishes SAA how about a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> ($85US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A>. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A>!<P>Prayers... for your stregth to be patient with Plan A.<P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited March 05, 2000).]

Hi smac,<P>Welcome. Sorry you have cause to be here...but glad you found us. There are a lot of wonderful people here who will share with you. We've got all sorts of experiences and resources on which we can draw. So, don't be bashful about posting. If I can suggest, the best thing you can do for yourself and your relationship at this moment is to learn more. This is a good place for that.<P>One last thing... there is hope. No guarantees, but there is hope. I too had a long-distance romance. There are similarities to our situation and that's why I posted to you. <P>My life with my wife (Suse, who also posts here) and 2 boys is so wonderful. I can't believe that 2 years ago it had sunk so low. <P>Anyhoo, read on. There's great reference material here. Feel free to use mine/Suse's history too. Do a search on us.<P>Best of it with your journey. <P>------------------<BR>I'm just a pilgrim on this road, boy. 'Til I see thee... fare-thee-well. Steve Earle