Been 3 months since I posted. My W filed for divorce 14 months ago. I discovered her affair shortly after. The divorce was full speed ahead until the end of '99 when everything got suddenly put on hold. Affair ended last summer (or so she has said; I am inclined to believe her). She continues to be totally closed to going to counseling with me (she sees a Christian counselor herself). I've tried Plan B when the affair was continuing, Plan A (as best as I can with the separation) when it ended. Nothing has made a dent. Divorce seems imminent and inevitable. Any thoughts? Success stories of last minute miracles? I feel ready to move on, given the total lack of change for a year, but I am open to reconciliation if something changed. Not desperate, but definitely hurting.....

I am wondering how your case has not been thrown out by the courts since it has been so long. I went to see my lawyer today and I filed in jan (because of custody reasons) and he said it could be a done deal by june. I told him I wanted to postpone as long as I could. He said if keep postponing the court will just dismiss my case.<P>That would be of course fine with me. My H and I are still trying to work things out. More on my part though.<P>What I wanted to say to you though. Never give up until you feel you are ready. My therapist told me yesterday that the best thing for me to do for my marriage was to let my H go free for a while.<P>I have the pressure of this divorce hanging over me, and I can post pone again next month. <P>I just keep on plan Aing and my H is trying, maybe the same thing will work for you. <P>I do believe in miracles. Sometimes they really wake up when it all comes down to custody, money, visitation ect. I hope that it works in my case too.

Idon't know about the legal status. We need to do something or it will get thrown out. Since there is zero interest on my W's part in exploring reconciliation, I am ready to cooperate with her desire to finish the divorce, and then go from there. I do know there are marriages that are restored after divorce. It almost feels like it is necessary for her to experience the actual divorce to have any hope of reconciliation (which, admittedly, is very dim)

Hi Doc - long time no type!!!<P>I have no success story to tell and am looking for a miracle myself....so can't help on that end - sorry!!<P>I do have to tell you that the longer this divorce is taking - the more time is allowed that gives my H "reality" moments....what I mean is - he has started coming out with some truths about things he was feeling and misconceptions of events, etc. in our marriage. He has admitted that my not working wasn't really the cause of all this and that he was/is messed up.<P>Not that this has changed his divorce plans....he's still full speed ahead with that!! It does ME good because I knew all along that I am not the cause of his leaving.....it's his own mind and choices. It is also good to see that he realizes that to some extent. There's some Truth finally coming to light with him to me and that brings me a certain peace...<P>What's your exact relationship at this point? Refresh my memory...you're living apart, yes? Do you have regular contact? Do you do anything together? Talk about things other than the relationship?<P>Why was divorce put on hold? Her or you? Don't push if you don't want to.<BR>Do you really think that divorcing will somehow 'end" this bad part for her and that perhaps an opening will be made by it for a new beginning?<P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Sheba<P>We are separated and have not talked meaningfully about our relationship in months - just money, kids, transportation. Divorce was put on hold by her, sort of by me (I never wanted the divorce in the first place). There was a brief window in the fall where it seemed she was open to talk about our marriage, but it closed abruptly. She is seeing a Christian counselor who is not pushing at all for saving the marriage. It has been a long, unchanging road. Thanks for your support