I have been married for 6 years and have 4 children under 5 and I work 10 hours outside of home. My husband helps with our children but he does not help with any house chores. I don't want to nag but he just seems so set against helping me and sees it as my role.

I saw that nobody had replied, so I thought I'd offer a suggestion. <P>I understand one of the big problems with being a SAHM is that your job is never over, it seems. Am I right? Basically, your husband goes to work in the morning then comes home, say 6-7 and his day is done. Your day is not done till everyone is fed and the kids are asleep. Not to mention weekends.<P>First, I'd prepare a plan to tell him specifically how he can help. Let's say, vacuuming on Tuesday, washing or drying the dishes twice a week, putting his clothes away after you've washed them. Whatever it is you'd really like help with. The key is to make it specific. <P>Maybe you can present it to him like you would be preparing a job proposal or a budget at a regular workplace. It is not fair to you that you are working basically 12 hour days plus your 10 hours a week, without help.<P>The next option would be to ask him to hire someone else. Would he be willing to hire someone to do some of the cleaning? A babysitter on the weekends so that you could have a break? When both my ex and I were working full-time, we had a maid come in twice a month. It cost us <BR>$50, if I remember right. That was a couple of years ago. <P>Third option is if 1) and 2) don't work. If he doesn't agree to hire help or help you, you could always go on strike. Basically, anything he needs for you to do is out of the question after 6:00 pm and on weekends. Of course, the kids would still need your attention. He's off the job at 6:00 or so, you should be too, right?

Wife,<P>I have found that it is basic human nature to resist anything that we are pressured to do. I also know that both me and my wife are very good examples of this. Another thing I have found is that people are more responsive to reinforcement than to punishment. <P>As difficult as it is, I would suggest that you catch your husband doing something you want him to do, regardless how small, and praise him for it. I know that right now this is the last thing you want to do, but I think that it could show results. Do not even acknowledge when he is not helpful. And when he is doing something that is not exactly the way you would have done it, don't criticize or correct him, just praise him for doing it. <P>This may take a while, but done consistently, it should produce the results you want. <P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You.<BR>John