I have a quick question for you. Is there anyway that I can help my H with his triggers? What I mean is... Is there anyway that I can help diminish them? I feel so bad that he is having them. It is my fault that the triggers. I just want to be able to help him. I knew to a point that he was having the triggers with his post last week but I really didn't know he was having nightmares until I asked why he had gotten up so early yesterday. He went to bed late and got up really early so I knew something was wrong.<P>How does Petunia help you? You guys seem to be doing so well that I thought I would as you how you get through them and how Petunia helps you.

Hopeful:<P>Well, I think there IS a way to help ES with the triggers. Y'all need to TALK about them. You need to understand that he will have them, and be there to comfort him and reassure him when they flare up.<P>He needs to let you know when the triggers are bothering him so you can be there to support and encourage him.<P>Really, the key for us has been NOT being afraid to talk about it. I always try to tell her when something has triggered me, and she listens patiently and tries to reassure me that things are getting better.<P>Most of the time, I just need to hear that she loves me and that she's sorry for having done this. That's usually enough to make me feel better. And, it's usually enough to keep her from feeling so guilty about it.<P>The best thing I can tell you to do is to TALK to each other and be respectful of each other's feelings. I know he hates it when he has triggers and you hate the fact that your actions caused this.<P>But, the fact is, what's done is done. Y'all can either get mad at each other and further deteriorate the relationship, or you can forgive and talk and hold each other, and commit to getting through it together.<P>THAT is what you need to do. BE there for him.<P>Hope that helps! <P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

I understand that much of it. There are certain things that we can forsee and avoid most of the time, ie mixed raced couples. But what do you do about things like nightmares. I don't know excatly how many he has a night and if he has them every night but it almost seems like he avoids going to be because of the nightmare. How do I help him get through those? I know listen when he wants to talk about them if he wants to talk about them but it seems like that is his biggest trigger right now. How do I help him there? He needs sleep so that he can get up and function at work and after work. Help please. I don't want him to have them for the rest of his life. I want him to be really happy with his decision to stay with me and work on our family and marriage.

Hopeful:<P>I'd suggest that you ask him about them. Make him tell you what he dreams about. Y'all need to discuss them and find out what they mean and why he dreams them.<P>All I can tell you is that you've GOT to communicate. You've GOT to open up, and talk. That's all you CAN do.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>