It seems to me that "midlife crisis" triggers many affairs, and that those are the ones that most often end in divorce.<P>This makes me wonder: Is young marriage a risk factor for later infidelity? Are people who "missed their youth" more likely to try to recapture it later on? Does "sowing wild oats" while young make you les likely to feel you missed out on something later on?<P>My H went through a very brief midlife crisis around the time he started up with Dragon Lady, triggered by the 30th anniversary of his mother's death -- at the same age he was then. It was a reminder to him that he's no longer young, that he's now outlived his mother. But it seems to have passed, and when I ask him if he ever feels he missed out on anything, he looks at me as if I'm crazy. (He had a pretty wild time before he met me.)<P>Do we see any patterns here on this board that shed some light one way or the other?

D&C<P>I was 28 and x was 25 when we married. So we weren't young as I assume you mean.<P>Sowing the wild oats might be something though. My x was a born again Christian back in Jr Hi and was "goody two shoes" all those years. She said she never even went to a frat party in college. I never missed one !<P>After she got out of college, she was just getting into the "wild" things, drinking after work, etc. Then when we met, things kinda calmed down. We were basically an old married couple the last few years between her work at night and my travel.<P>When the affair was discovered, she told me she just wanted to be wild for a while. She talked about getting a tattoo or maybe a piercing. SHe even told her friend that her and om snuck into a private swim club. She also went to more concerts the past summer than we ever went to.<P>Her MLC i think was brought on by her losing her hair. I have been wondering if her losing her hair was from guilt of her emotional affair with om. Also all the attention she got at work from men and my own lack of attention all led to the affair IMO.

I have to respond to this. This is a real temptation for me. <P>I have always been a Christian. In High School and college, I was also considered to be very attractive by girls my age. Many of these girls made it very clear that they would make themselves available to me if I was interested. All of my friends took full advantage of this, and I did not. I wanted to wait until marriage. <P>I eventually met a girl who told me that she also wanted to wait until marriage, and, after we decided to get married, she told me that she could not wait until we were married so that we could engage in sex together. What a surprise was in store for me on our wedding night! We only kind of had sex the second night, and only one more time during a week long honeymoon. We never have sex more than 1-2 times a month. My wife has told me very clearly that she has no intention of changing and I just need to get used to it. <P>Anyway, I now have to fight the temptation to be very bitter for not taking advantage of sex when I could, so I can certainly understand the feelings of other people who feel that they have missed out.<P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You<BR>John

D&C<P>I can totally relate to how you feel. My H & I got married young, raised 2 kids, and are approaching 25th anniversary. Not sure if we will make it though. I've tried everything to save the marriage. He's having an affair, said it was over, but now not sure. H wants me to get a place of my own, I'm inbetween jobs so it's a little hard. H thinks we need to spend some time apart, maybe start dating again after awhile. He says he needs his space, wants to have some fun, etc., etc. He's gone most evenings, and just got back from a weekend away, he's not even trying to hide it. Well I'm sick of the whole situation, we hardly ever talk or see each other, so it's probably best to split up. Once H makes up his mind what needs to done, no one will change his mind. Sorry this reply is so long, but I think your observation is right. <P>Aloha<BR>Cheryl