edited by claudia103<p>[This message has been edited by Claudia103 (edited March 12, 2000).]

I am glad to hear that you told your H and very sorry to hear that he is still not coming forward about this. He sounds a lot like my H in someways. He does not want to talk about it so he just ingnores the topic. Makes my blood boil too. He still wants his fantasy and you are trying to ruin it for him. Maybe that is why you get such a bizare response?<P>I read LOVE MUST BE TOUGH by James Dobson before I came to this site. It recommends a different approach than plan A or B. <P>Once my H started calling the OP his confidant and best friend (my H had an EA) that was it for me. I just could not make room for a 3rd person in our marriage. So I took the advice of the book and my councelor and wrote him a letter. I told him (in a loving way)that I could not be his wife while she was his confidant - it just was not fair of him to expect it of me. How could I share myslef with him when he shared an emotional part of himself with her that he no longer allowed me to be part of?<P>I respected his right to decide who to be with and told him that I loved him and wanted our marriage to work but that I also wanted him to be happy. I said that if he chose to leave I would be happy for what we had and would respect his decision and move on.<P>It was not until I did this that his relationship with the OP ended. I think that I this approach ended the fantasy by injecting a dose of reality into thier relationship. Suddenly it was not so much fun anymore. <P>James Dobson believes that the sooner you do this the better since the emotional attachment between your spouse and OP will not have as much time to grow. It is an interesting approach and one that worked for me.<P>Only you can know if your heart if shoud use plan A or move on to a new approach. If you do plan B or use the Dobson approach, be respectful of your H. Tell him you want him to be happy but also tell him to understand that you have to make some choices for yourself too and ask him to respect those choices in return.<P>Good luck. Hope this helps.