HELP! I'm caving big time. I posted another thread a couple of weeks about trying to end an affair with a MM. I have been trying really hard and only backslid a couple of times. Well he is going to Baltimore on business on Monday and I have booked flights to meet him there. I know I shouldn't go but the temptation is soooooo great right now. I am missing him like crazy. Please (nicely) help me see the light. Prayers and advice greatly appreciated.

AZ,<P>Ok you're backsliding. Have you went back and reread your first thread?? All of the advice you got there?? And did you see how strong you were getting? You are that strong person and you deserve someone who is free to love you. Someone with no strings attached. <P>We can't talk you out of seeing him. The only thing we can do is tell you that you shouldn't see him. In the long run, his wife will find out, and she won't blame him as much as she blames you. Plus it will break her heart as well as hurt her children. <P>Please stop and think about the pro's and con's of what you plan to do. There are alot more reasons not to see him.<P>Prayers,<BR>Mitzi<P>p.s. I'm only 3 hours from Baltimore. If you actually go thru with it, and need someone to talk to, I'll email you my phone# and you can call if you need to.

AZ,<P>I'm noit real familiar with your story. Are you married?<P>Two words: <B>DON'T GO!!!</B><P>Let this MM go...<P>Be strong...for your own sanity and for the sake of his kids an d wife.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

azhootie,<P>I beg of you to not go...<BR>Change the flight to DC... Atlanta... Chicago...<BR>ANYWHERE but not near Baltimore.<P>No matter what you think of the state of their marriage... <BR>...you would be destroying them completely!<P>Guilt will invade every part of your life.<P>Your first post on the 18th... said it all!<BR>It was exppressed by all who replied how destructive this would be... <B>to you</B>!<P>Please... please... please... dom't go!<P>Jim<P>

azhootie:<P>DON'T GO! <P>I can't even tell you the number of times that I wish I wouldn't have gotten on the airplane to go meet the other man. In my situation, the other man had already filed for divorce from his wife by the time our EA started. He was technically still married. He had two beautiful children. Sure, his marriage "stunk" at the time and seemed "over" (my OM's situation sounds alot like your MM's situation...married very young, etc., thought he never loved his wife, etc.). But, I still feel guilty about going to meet him -- not just because of wrecking my own marriage, but for helping him to finish wrecking his marriage. I can almost promise you that this MM that you are involved with is very confused and extremely vulnerable right now...just as vulnerable, if not more vulnerable than you are. Please don't go. Please don't make yourself live with the same regrets that I am having to live with. Please learn from MY stupid mistake.<P>I know you can be strong. I'm praying for you right now. I'm praying that you will cancel those airline tickets, even if the tickets cost you $1000 and you won't be able get a penny of it back... <P>I truly believe that you want to do the right thing. The right thing is to drop this man as if he were a hot-potato and RUN.<P>NO CONTACT!! No contact, even if it means that you have to sit here and type posts all night until your fingers are numb. No contact, even if it means you have to place yourself under the constant supervision of a close female friend, etc. No contact, even if it means that you hurt so much that you cry yourself to sleep. <P>I know how much you are hurting, and I am so sorry.<P>I'll be looking for your posts...<P>Love and peace to you...my heart goes out to you...<P>Jill<P>

I have no problem with trying to talk you out of this. If you want to avoid a relationship with a person who obviously does not care a single bit about his commitments, CANCEL THAT RESERVATION RIGHT NOW!!<P>Also, I would listen to Jill. I have never seen anyone who more eloquently has enunciated reasons why this is a horrible idea. <P>You have said that you are a Christian. If you go on this trip, you are submitting to Satan. You need to realize who is telling you to do this. It is the most evil being the world has ever known. What you need to do is to get down on your knees and ask God to do whatever it takes to get you away from this married man. <P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You.<BR>John

It's much eaier to long for what we don't have than to regret what you have done.<P>Please don't go. I'm asking you as the father of two wonderful daughters (14 & 9) who have not seen their mother in 10 months because she ran away to be with the om. What if he was to do the same with his family? Do you want to be the one responsible? PLease don't say, "it won't happen." We all know it can and it does.<P>Please?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

alllllllright...here's Dylan's try...<P><BR> <P><BR>Think of me as generic brand 'Wife X'......but most importantly, I am a wife.<P>I would like to think I have permission to represent a nice percentage of wives when I say this to you......<P><BR>Dear Azhootie,<P><BR>I AM A WIFE....<P>so, <P><BR>please don't do this to me.<P><BR>please don't do this to my marriage.<P><BR>please don't do this to my children.<P>you don't even know me, so please do not do this to another human being that shares the planet with you.<P>how do you know that anything my husband has told you is true?.<P>I love my husband with every fiber of my being....do you know that?...I sleep with one of his shirts whenever he is away - because it smells like him....<P>Do you know that he lies...and tells me he loves me everyday?<P>my children love their daddy, and the theft of their innocence and joy, and the knowledge of betrayal will impact them for the rest oftheir lives....they love and believe in their daddy and would like to grow up with him in their home.<P>please, ask my husband to get a divorce, and that if he truly loves you and wants to be with you, that when he is 'uncommited', he can expect to be greeted by you with open arms.<P>please, until then, give my marriage, my heart, my life, my children and my very soul, the chance it and they deseve before you so this.<P>please realize that you are worth more than this.<P>please think that taking the moral high ground may earn you some self-respect.<P>remember that taking the moral high ground is the right thing to do.<P><BR>please don't help my husband do this to my life......<P>let him do it by himself, if need be.<P><BR>please don't do this to me.<P><BR>please don't do this to my marriage.<P><BR>please don't do this to my children.<P><BR>a wife.<P>

Listen to Jill, read her posts.<P>This is not going to be some passionate, romantic weekend. You already feel guilty about it, just in the prospect, what to you think the reality will be? Go somewhere else, see something else, do something else and save yoursefl a ton of grief. For there will be grief, you are far to aware and sensitive to avoid it.<P>Take care and be sensible.

Judy,<P>What more can I say that hasn't already been said? Not a damn thing. YOU know this is wrong, YOU've tortured yourself over this countless, sleepless nights, knowing in YOUR heart and YOUR soul what YOU are about to do is so very wrong.<P>Like I said, there isn't a damn thing that I or anyone else on this board can say to convince you otherwise. YOU have to make that decision. We WILL be here to back you up but we can't prevent you from getting on that plane and seeing MM. Only YOU can do that and YOU WILL do that. For you and only you. Please cancel the reservations, Judy. You've backslid a bit these past two weeks. That WILL happen. But seeing him is going to put you back in square one. YOU don't want that. YOU want to be the strong, confident Judy that YOU know YOU can be. Don't let this MM destroy her.<P>My prayers go out to you tonight and the next two nights, hoping that you make the right choice. Be strong, Judy.<P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

We can not control your behavior.<P>Only you can control your actions.<P>You will betray your own beliefs and your own convictions. Nothing is worth your integrity.<P>A quick roll in the hay...or even several is not worth betraying your own character or your faith...or is it?<P>Look in the mirror and decide for yourself.<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Don't Go.<P>Every moment you have with this MM you are stealing from him, his family and violating God's Law. You say you are a Christian.. I believe Christ says "IF you love me you will obey my commands..." Do you love HIM? Obey HIS commands.<P>My prayers are with you. YOU know what is right. Now make the right decision. Do not take what is not yours. Leave this family alone. You will hurt this family SOOOOOOOO greatly by going I shutter at their pain. I shutter at the eternal pain this may have on you. The pain of infidility is so great. DO NOT GO. You will find rich blessings by doing what is right. Pray and Fast.<P>Prayers,<P>T2<P><BR>

azhootie,<P>PLEASE don't do it. It will just make things harder for YOU in the long run. <P>This urge you are feeling is part of withdrawal. Understand that and use the knowledge to resist the temptation.<P>Please don't add to the damage that has already been done.

Aahootie,<P>I will speak to you as a Christian who is a betrayer. A fellow human being who has struggled thru many trials. Some failures and some successes. I have been where you are at. You are searching for something to fulfill your life, but you are looking in the wrong places. You are one of God's own, and he has a plan for your life. The voice that you are listening to, is a deceiver, and he wants nothing more, than to destroy your life and the lives of the MM and his family. Don't give him the power over you.<P>"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thansgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." <P>"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what is says."<P>"Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one or you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of teh Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven." <P>Do not put yourself in a place where you will be tempted. You had the strength to post a message for help on this board. Use that strength, and the words and support of the people on this board. Cancel the tickets now, while you have power and strength of conviction.<P>God has bigger and better things for your life. Guard

Here is an idea for you.<P>Take that money you would spend on this trip and book a romantic weekend away for your and your wife. You will feel better.<P>The idea that you are asking us to talk you out of it shows you know in your heart this is wrong. <P>Ask yourself what it is that you are seeking in this relationship with OP and find other ways to get those things in your life.<P>Don't go but reward yourself for your strenght by celebrating in some way with your family at the very time you would have been with OP.<P>I guaarentee you will feel so much better about your self. Let this be your turning point.<P>GOOD LUCK. Be strong. You are worth it and so is your family.<P>Acacia

Thank you soooo much for the outpouring of support. I half expected to be bashed beyond belief but then I also hoped and prayed for compassion and that is exactly what I received from you all. So thank you again. <P>Whilst I haven't actually picked up the phone and cancelled my reservations, I am 90% sure that I won't go. I hope that makes each of you feel very good inside for your part in helping me get this far. <P>MITZI,thanks for the offer of the phone number. I hope I won't need it!!! I hope over the course of the next 24 hours (my flight is an AmWest flight PHX-BWI at 11:48pm tomorrow night) I will have made it the last 10% and no-show my flight. Please keep me in prayer.<P>BILL - nope, I'm not married. Been there, done that. My xH had an unconfirmed affair and we divorced some 6 years ago. <P>JIM, I do believe that you are right about the guilt thing. I'm living with it every day believe it or not. It's eating away at me. I wish I were stronger. <P>JILL, thanks SO much. You are wise beyond your years! I will try so very hard to learn from what you are going thru. I have followed all your posts since I started coming here a couple of weeks ago and I can almost feel your pain. I'm pretty sure I'm going to beat this temptation and not go. Posts like yours are certainly pushing me in that direction. I honestly think of you and pray for you often. I was thrilled to read that you actually are missing your H!!! That seems like a good sign!<P>JOHN, yes, I am a Christian but as I mentioned in previous posts, my prayer life and relationship with the Lord are severely damaged because of all of this. I hadn't even picked up my bible in the last 10 months (since the beginning of the affair) It wasn't until another poster (Pilgrim) asked me to read some passages that I dusted my bible up and read it. I am trying desperatley to restore what I have torn apart with respect to my walk with God but I feel soooo weak right now. I am trying (if you only could see how hard) to not lose this battle to Satan. Thanks for your post....it helps, I assure you.<P>CHRIS, I really don't want to be the one to cause his family to break up but it was truly a mess LONG before I ever came into the picture. I know that I should just stay out of his life unless he does end up leaving and Lord knows I am trying. I just feel so outta control sometimes. Like he's a magnet with this powerful pull on me. I am trying soooo hard to resist but I am so drawn to him. Please keep me in prayer. I NEED IT!!!!<P>SOULLOSS~ OUCH!!!! Okay, I think that post has pushed me to 95% sure I'm not going to go. That really was tough to read. I'm shaking and in tears trying to write this. Pretty powerful stuff. I am at a loss for words except to say that your "letter" really moved and touched me. I feel horrible. I think maybe I'm more at 98%. A million thanks for that poignant reply. <P>HANORA~ I wish you were right but I already KNOW what our time would be like together. I have felt guilt from day one but it doesn't stop our time together from being the happiest moments in my life. That's why this is sooooooo hard to pass up. We seem to manage to get together once per month because of business and each time, I "bargain" with God and say "just this one last time and I'll stop" only to find myself repeating this month after month after month. This forum has really been sooo helpful, I don't know where I'd be without the help and support I've received here... well, yes I do......I'd be upstairs packing for Baltimore, but instead I'm here coming to the conclusion that I CAN'T go.<P>ALLEN, a very huge thank you to you. Well put, my friend. Your insight continues to amaze me. I talked to him last night and I was saying those exact same things to him....that I wanted the old trooper Hootie back....the strong, confident, determined, "I can take on the world hootie" I explained to him that I felt like I was an outsider watching someone I didn't even know. I KNOW in my heart that I should cut the cord but saying it and seeing it and actually DOING it are two very different things. I know you are dealing with a bunch of nasty stuff yourself this weekend so it means soooooo much to me that you took the time to post. A very heartfelt thanks to you, my friend. (I haven't checked yet to see if Cat responded yet???????? I'll do that next. Praying she has and that it's positive)<P>FHL - I realize that you (nor anyone for that matter) can control my behavior.... actually I feel like I am sooo out of control myself, and I hate that feeling. It's so not like me. Having said that, what you and others can do (and have done) is help point out all the reasons I shouldn't go and reaffirm what I already know to be true. It helps to see it in black and white for me. It helps to have others add insight to what is going on in my head. In just the short time that I have been on here, I've already gone from about 90% sure that I will cancel the reservations to 98% sure. This helps me a great deal even though no-one is actually "controlling" my decision. So, thanks.<P>T2 - Thank you for the prayers and the advice. I will definitely pray about it although my prayer life is so far in the toilet that I am not hearing His voice. I'm trying though. I promise you that.<P>2SAD4WORDS - I never imagined the withdrawal process to be this hard. It is excruiatingly painful. I cry so hard sometimes I make myself sick. It is so difficult. I'm trying to resist though. <P>GUARD, thank you for your post. I did have the strength and courage to post here.....I only pray that I'll come thru with the strength to not board that flight. Reading all these posts has really helped. I assure you. <P>ACACIA - um, I am a single woman, so I can't very well spend the money on my wife! Still, I do like the thought of celebrating with my kids during the time I would have been with the MM. I just closed my eyes and imagined what that would look like.....it means that I would be here to take my daughter to her youth group on Monday night and my son wouldn't have to miss his religious ed class on Tuesday night. And then maybe on Wednesday, the night I would be coming back from Baltimore, I could take them out to dinner instead. Thanks for the suggestion! I do hope I have something to celebrate. I'm pretty close to that point. Just need to actually gather the strength to call America West and cancel. <P>to ALL.....again, thank you for your kind words and support. It means more than I can say. You are all wonderful people and I'm soooo glad I found this board. You don't know how much it is helping me. I couldn't do this on my own. Good night and God bless. <P>Judy<P>

AZ,<P>I'm glad you are changing your mind.<BR>God doesn't leave us we leave Him.<P>"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3<P>That scripture gets me through alot.<P>Bill<P><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Judy,<BR>Promise me you won't go. Okay? If you don't go, you will go a long way towards restoring<BR>my faith in people. Better yet, promise the Lord you won't go...He'll hold you to your promise. Take your kid's out to dinner instead. I know the Lord has something better waiting for you. <P>I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ Eph. 3:16-18 <P>Nothing is worth losing that. Absolutely nothing.<P>CJ

Because someone made the choice that you are pondering, I am alone at 57 years of age, still having to work, my family is devastated, my daughter is on the brink of divorce. <P>Also I lost the wonderful inlaws that I had for more than 30 years. Yes, we are still friendly but they live miles away and they are hurt as well. <P>Also because some woman made the choice to have an affair with my husband, my child's wedding was clouded by the fact I found out one month earlier that my husband had been cheating on me. The same when she gave birth to a son a year later.<P>Gone are the happy times we could have shared together as a family, because some selfish woman made the decision to get involved with my husband.<P>Yes, it's true that my husband is to blame too. Yes, it's true that his needs were not being met. Yet my needs were not being met either and I was kicked in the teeth for it.<BR>I tried like crazy to make my husband happy, fixed his favorite meals, didn't go much of anywhere except to visit his parents and tried to build his self-esteem even though he did little except to tear me down.<P>If you have one ounce of decency within yourself, I urge you to bail out of this trip immediately. Someday you yourself may know the pain and destruction that this brings.<P>Martha<BR>

Ok ALL.....thanks sooooooooo much for everything. I am NOT going to make the trip to Baltimore. Not only that but I emailed him a VERY strong letter telling him to leave me alone and not contact me again. Now I ask your prayers that I can be strong and not contact him. This is mighty difficult in that we love each other VERY much and neither of us really wants to end it, we just each know it's the right thing to do. <P>CJB80 ~ I hope that this does help to restore your faith in people. I am only one, but hopefully this will be one less family destroyed by infidelity. <P>Martha ~ Thanks for posting. Your response helped push my 98% to a full 100%. I will cancel the reservation as soon as I log off from here.<P>Thanks again for everyone's KIND support. I think if you would have been cold and harsh, I would have given in and run to him. A MILLION THANKS TO ALL who took the time to post. It truly helped. <P>Happy Sunday!