I know that I can have no contact, but with 3 kids (10-8-5) and his changing, hectic schedule I have to remain flexible for him to see them. I found an intermediary, but can the kids call or e-mail him to set things up?????

Claudia,<P>Yes... do let the children have unlimited (virtually) acces to communicate with their dad! This is important... especially if your Plan B takes you down the road of a divorce.<P>No... children should not call the shots on "setting up things"... This will open an incredible can of worms for you... and you will be running around like a chicken with it's head chopped off if you do! You... and your H must come to these terms... whether with direct conversations or proposals through e-mails back-and-forth or through an intermediary... or even a professional "mediator". But... don't let the kids take care of visitation palnning. It is a bad precedent and is strongly discouraged.<P>Might there be agruments... yep!!!...<BR>and even in Plan B... cut out the Love Busters!<BR>But it is matter for adults to work out...<BR>...not children!<P>Prayers... <P>Jim

What about step dads? Isn't that different?

I think step dads should be able to contact the kids too, if both want.<P>

Absolutely step-dads too!!!<P>I don't see a distinction between dads and stepdads...<BR>I raised my stepson from the age of 3 1/2 and I have <B>NEVER</B> called him my "stepson" until the attorneys forced me to use that language in legal paperwork... (divorce pending)<P>A stepdad is as good as... sometimes better than many.... dads!<BR>as yes... virtually unlimited communications for them too!<P>I just say "virtually"... just so the children don't assume they can call 24X7!<BR>Daily or even twice daily (or more or less often) contact could be very reasonable. It depends on the relationship of dad-to-child!<P> <P>Jim

What if the child's biological father is WONDERFUL to them and due to some bad behavior by the step-dad, he doesn't want the child any where near the step-dad?<P>FYI, <BR>The step-dad hasn't contacted the child in 6 weeks and only brings it up when we meet for financial purposes.<P>The step-dad told my 6-year old daughter that the reason he left is because she said she didn't like to hear us argue. She now blames herself.<P>My daughter now has nightmares of her step-dad coming and killing both her & I. I don't know why because he is NOT a violent or abusive person. I think it is because he has taken away her security by leaving.<P>Should I still allow contact? My counselor says NO!