Well I got another big jab today. Got the mail......recognized stbx handwriting on the envelope but didn't really pay attention. Opened it to find the license plate info on the van I drive. I guess even though we are not Divorced yet....I have to pay. Big problem.....the van is in only his name....can't get plates.<P>Then comes the big blow.....I look at the envelope and the jerk addressed it to me using my maiden name. <P>Just how low can he get?<BR>Seems like a decent human being to me<BR>No...he certainly doesn't try to hurt and emotionally craze me.....does he?<P>I have been crapped on so bad......the GAL and custody evaluator think I am mental....well seems pretty normal to address an envelope that way. Heck after 11 years of marriage I'm sure my last name just slipped his mind.<P>Nancy

Nancy,<P>They never fail to amaze us, huh? No you are not mental. You've just been hurt really bad and he just won't let it rest. <P>Is there anything you can do about the license for the van? Check with you're attorney about it. Have you met with you're new attorney? Does this one seem to be able to get some results? I hope so! <P>You take care, okay?<BR>Mitzi

I am so sorry Nancy! That was a low blow on your husbands part to put your maiden name on the envelope! That would crush me! Hang in there and I hope you figure out something with the licensing on your van! I don't know how they can be so cruel! I will never understand it! <P>~Woozy

I know some of you may not understand this....but I cried. It hurt sooooo bad. Just crushed me. Also I saw it as just another way to emotionally abuse me. He loves to put his hook in me.<P>Like my mom said.....the GAL was wrong....he hasn't gotten on with his life, because if he had he wouldn't be trying to continuously hurt me. <P>I AGREE<P>Nancy

Hi Mental,<P>I'm so sorry this has happened. I have no words to say that are going to make you feel better, but I'm thinking of you.<P>As far as the maiden name on the envelope goes, I have thought about changing my name back. I must admit to having see-sawing feelings about doing it, but if he doesn't want me, and has made it so patently clear in the past, why keep it.? I loved my maiden name, it was ME. I really only took his name as he was quite upset about me not wanting to. He was quite old-fashioned about it...Funny how things change isn't it !!!!!<P>You're not mental, I for one think you are an amazing lady. All the sh%^ he has put you through, and you still keep going. Your best revenge is to keep doing exactly that. With the support, friendship and love from all of us. Your mum is right, he is the one that hasn't dealt with any of this. If he had, he would have moved on and left you alone.<P>thinking of you, and sending a big hug<BR>you'll get it when you wake up!!!!!! It's only 7.30 pm here Thurs.<P>big hugs to you<BR>Jo

He is actually trying to see if he can push some buttons. It was deliberate. Custody cases can be compared to war - all is fair. <P>Don't let his attacks get to you. He is out for the kill. Realize this isn't really as personal as it seems, it is all about winning to your husband. He doesn't have a clue.<P>TNT

He pushed some emotional buttons....just his way of making sure I think of him. He just can't get me to do anything about it. That is what makes him mad. Before.....months ago...I would have called him and said something. Nope, not anymore.....that is why he does these things. I am not stupid....it is his childish games.<P>My maiden name is hard to pronounce and I think I will be just fine with the last name I have had for 11 years. Besides.....I like the idea of having the same last name as my children.<P>But anyway...he got me to cry...I guess he won that battle. Sad to say...I don't think there is anything that would make him cry. But of course...he doesn't know it made me cry....so did he really win? <P>I am at a point in my life where the only battles that I am working on are the ones that pop up occasionally inside of me where the stbx is concerned. And most of the time I win those.<P>Wishing everyone the best<BR>Nancy

Nancy,<P>No he did not win this battle. He doesn't know that you got upset. And you didn't call him so unless you tell him, he'll never know! Good for you!!!!<P>I'm going to keep my married name too. I don't want my last name to be different from my kids right now either.<P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Early on after discovery and him walking out....he mentioned to me that I needed to take back my maiden name. He said using "his" name would be me still holding on and leaning on him.<P>The guy makes me want to puke. Wished I could get him to look on this site.....I think that he would be amazed. Maybe he would learn something. But then again...maybe not.<BR>N

Mental, I am so proud of you! AND YOUR MOTHER IS ONE SMART LADY!!! She see's what your x is doing! He is trying to get you to respond and you are smart enough to see right through him Yes at first you are hurt and upset and it bummed you out, but you STILL WON THE BATTLE, by not giving him what he wanted! He is going MENTAL in trying to figure out why you are not getting nutty about this and calling him. DON'T GIVE HIM ANYTHING that he can use against you psychologically speaking. He hasn't gotten on with his life. We have all been here listening to you tell us what HE is trying to do next. Do you realize this? HE IS DOING EVERYTHING TO TRY TO HURT YOU. He is spending HIS time trying to think of something new to do to you. I swear he just makes me laugh. (Don't get me wrong, I know the pain, my H tried doing things to me, but like I told you, i had NO reactions to his actions and that got to him SO BAD, when he finally played all his trump cards with no reactions from me, he gave up and came back to me. My friends kept telling me that he was lashing out trying to hurt me, but i was too hurt to see it that way).

You know what...it hurt...I cried and now I am over it. Only took about 2 hours and the pain was gone. Moved on. YES!!!!!! Because right away I saw what he was doing. He has been doing this all along. Sometimes I fell for it...(in the beginning)....but after a while...I didn't anymore. You can laugh...I did/have. It is so comical. If I wasn't going through what I am....I am sure I would laugh a little louder....a little longer.<P>It is so funny that everyone can see what he is doing....but the people who make the decisions, can't. Why is that? Maybe her diploma that is hanging on her wall hit her a couple times in the head and caused major brain damage. <P>I am saving it for my attorney...along with the Christmas card that was rude and the letter enclosed with it. He is mental...not me<BR>Nancy