My husband is coming back from his 2 weeks business trip tomorrow. Thecnicaly ( as he puts it) we are seperated since 3 weeks. I sub-rented a small place for a couple of months to think things thru and I beleive that he is still having his Fling!!<BR>During his trip he would call every night to speak w/ are 10 year son, and we even have a couple a good convertation on the phone!!<BR>It gave me the feeling that he missed me, Who knows, I certainly miss him to death, but I did'nt let show. The thing is he wont get his place until march 16. He has now where to leave in the mean time. I refuse to let him stay , because he is still having is fling. If not it would a different situation. As you know my in-laws have staying w/ me for 1 month by now, they are such great support. anyhow my question is , should I be "there" when he come to the house to pack new cloths and see our son and his parents, Should I be distant, nice , our just go until he out of the house. This is still so fresh , (6 weeks), and I still feel so hurt and devested. He still says it's not over, but he has to have the guts to ended w/ her.<BR>Please advice, Thanks<BR>Anne T

edited by claudia103<p>[This message has been edited by Claudia103 (edited March 12, 2000).]

I've not been in your situation, which is why I did not reply earlier. But, if I were in your place, here's what I think I'd do.<BR>If you can be pleasant and nice, stay. If you are afraid you'll end up angry or in tears, I'd arrange to be somewhere else.

Anne T:<P>I don't have any specific advice. It's my plan to read the replies to your post so that I can learn something.<P>I just wanted to encourage you and tell you that I care about what happens to you.<P>Jill

Boy a plan B question. Kam's advice is good. If you can stay and not resort to lovebuster's than that is where you need to be. Leave him with a positive impression. I don't think your being there violates Plan B. I could be wrong though.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>should I be "there" when he come to the house to pack new cloths and see our son and his parents, Should I be distant, nice , our just go until he out of the house.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Absolutely you should be there.<BR>Be nice. Don’t hover over him. Don’t ask a lot of questions. Tell him you missed him and hoped he had a good trip.<P>Don’t be needy. Show him you are a good person and someone he would want to be with. When he leaves tell him you love him and to take care of himself. After he leaves you can go ahead & get angry or cry or whatever, but do not let him see you like this!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Anne,<P>be there, and be strong, if you think you can.<P>He needs to see you in a positive light, smile, put on makeup, a pretty outfit, and let him leave with a beautiful picture of you.<P>They all come out of the fog eventually.<P>take care, and hope all goes well<P>Jo

Anne,<P>Welcome to the forum. I have not seen other posts of yours, so I am not familiar with your story, You said this has been about 6 weeks? Are you married, you said he is having a fling, here we call it an affair.<P>If you can manage it, put on your best clothes, do your hair and makeup and be beautiful when he arrives. Try and be pleasant as can be. Let him leave wondering. Don't cry and be emotional in front of him, it only makes them more upset. If you have to , go ball in the privacy of your room after he leaves. <P>Six weeks into it, my H still maintained it was not over. Be careful what you believe, when someone is in an affair, they don't think, act or speak clearly. They may quite possibly lie. My H kept the door open for a while too, even after I got served with divorce papers, I used to always say the door was open. Not even 2.5 months later, I have slammed the door in his face so to speak and want nothing to do with him. I tried , I plan A'd and I quit. Learn as much as you can here on the forum. <P>Learn about Plan A and if you want this relationship (marriage?) to work, get started on it right away. Read other posts and reply to people, that is how you will meet people in similar situations.<P>There are usually a few people at the same point in their relationship at the same time . They tend to relate to you the best and if you reply to them, they will reply to you. Its a mutual support for us all. <P>Just because you don't relate to a situation, you can always offer a prayer and just say hi.<P>Good luck. I would definetly be there, but read about the whole MB system, and Plan A if you do.<P>Prayers are with you , Dana<P>

I guess the big question is can you be there without being emotional? If not, then I would suggest that you leave. Doesn't necessarily mean that he can't see you....you could great him at the door and tell him you have some errands to run and give him a hug and leave. The first time by stbx left....he would come by and I would always leave. After 2 1/2 weeks of that...he came home. I was always nice...never cried.....just said hi....did grocery shopping and in fact I would call him at the house and see if he was ready to leave...if not...I would stay out. <P>He did leave after 3 months...for good....but I know in my heart that the reason he came back the first time is because I acted like it didn't bother me....that I was fine.<P>Don't know if that helps....but....maybe<BR>Nancy