I often wonder. What does OP family think of them if they know they are involved with a marrried person? My h is involved with an unattached OW and who does she talk to about this? I am sure that they know that the man she is involved with is married. When her kids come to visit and he takes them places, what kind example is this? He has met other members of her family and her group of friends. He left to come back to me and then he left to go back to her under pressure from her. Do you think these people in her life are trying to tell her to cool it? I received a Christmas card forwarded to our home after H moved to come back to me. It was a picture of her kids and one of them wrote "I hope things are as they should be". What's this mean???<P>It is such a horrible mess, isn't it? <P>Thanks, Pam

I hope you get some answers on this. I wonder that too.<P>Our OW's family sees nothing wrong with her relationship with my H. They see it as a "Christian Friendship" because there is no sex involved. <P>I can't understand how they can approve of him spending so much time with her instead of his family. <P>I guess people can rationalize anything if they really want to.<P>Keo

Hi Keo, <P>Thanks for your reply. I am sure everyone here who has been hurt wonders what is going on in the minds of these people. Do close ones to them even know that they are involved in such a relationship?<P>Thanks again and good luck to you<BR>Pam

Hi Pam<BR>Perhaps I can help here my husband and myself are well into recovery but silly little things pop up all the time. Just the other day he brought up this very same subject(he had the affair) He said whilst visiting with the o.w (she was unattached with 2 young children)her mother arriveved he was introduced as her new boyfriend no mention of the fact that he happened to be a married man, it then dawned upon him that he had his wedding ring on he said that he had never stuck his hands behind his back so fast ever before and kept them there for the remainder of the visit, her mom never found out that he was married but it just goes to show how nothing seems to bother the o.p (I don't know that I could stand infront of my mom and do what she did I would die a thousand deaths to lead my mom down the wong path) my husband on the other hand felt really bad, it was shortly thereafter that he broke it off with her things were getting to intense for his liking she was speaking marriage and him being a father to her children etc did not sit well with him at all plus I found out!!<P>I hope that this might help.<P>Jenny <BR>

LRB's family think he done real good. He got him someone to mamma him so they don't have to. THEY SUCK.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

edited by claudia103<p>[This message has been edited by Claudia103 (edited March 12, 2000).]

The low-life former OW in our situation had her bestfriend continually harrass my H at the gym. This went on for a period of 9 months!<P>She kept suggesting to my H, "OW wants to know how you are. Pick up the phone and call her."<P>My H always said, "No, I won't. I am with my wife."<P>I didn't know about this and it went on & off for a period of 9 months! Geez! If my H would have been honest with me, we would have found him another gym to go to. <P>All my H could think of was that he didn't want to pay more membership dues since he just paid the membership dues for that particular gym.<P>Our marriage means more to me than spending more money for membership to another gym.<P>Anyway, I wasn't aware of this harrassment until the OW finally got the courage to contact my H. This is after NO CONTACT for 9 months! (She doesn't have a life!)<P>I'm really pissed off with this so-called conspirator friend of hers. Such conniving jerks! But then again, this former OW is a low-life anyway. Her cousin is also a pregnant OW by my H's former co-worker.<P>What great genes!<BR>

I would bet many OP's don't tell their family that the guy is married. I know I certainly don't. I tell them he is separated and pursuing a divorce *bad hootie* Some of my friends know and 1/2 are supportive because they have met him and wish for us to be together, the other 1/2 are disgusted with me. I have been able to hide this from my family because he lives in another state. <P>I am confident that my mom and brothers and sisters would just about disown me if they knew he was married. I once had a real friendship with a married man, no hint of an affair, everything was above board. He didn't take time away from his family to spend with me, we would have lunch together sometimes because he worked with me and he really helped me in times when I was struggling with my faith (this was when I was about 22 and had just suffered thru a VERY traumatic experience which left me believing there was no God) But even though I knew there was nothing there but a friendship and a mentor of sorts, my mom was totally against it. I can only imagine how she would feel if she knew the truth about the MM I am trying to end it with now. <P>Hope that helps!<p>[This message has been edited by azhootie (edited March 10, 2000).]

Thanks everyone for posting a reply.<BR>and special thanks to AZ. because if all OP's were like you most of us would all be on the road to recovery.<P><BR>The OW in my case must not have much of a concience because of her own personal history before engulfing my H. She has had a MM relationship proir to my H. I just can not see how h can find this appealing at all.<P>Thanks again everyone for the reply's and good luck.<P>Pam<BR>

Om's mother called my now x all the time and told her she didn't like his wife and that she, my now x, made her son so happy.<P>She then paid for airplane tickets for my then w & her son to come to Fl for vacation and was going to pay for my kids.<P>I found out that my x and om went to the city where his stepchildren and grandchildren live. I don't know if she met them or not.<P>The kicker is that om's mother gave them a downpayment for a house here in town.<P>Gotta love someone like that!

Hi pinky,<BR>Well, I guess a lot of the op's families are all for it, according to the answers I see here.<BR>And according to my own experience too.<P>Ow's sister and SIL ( also divorced over an affair - hers -) knew my H was married. <BR>SIL worked with them as well.<BR> They welcomed him to the family, so to speak, and even offered their own houses . I know this is true, because I heard the voice message she left him regarding that. WHere she said that "if the problem was a place to be for a while, her SIL had offered her house whenever they wanted"( this was included in the "going out for a coffee" thing, which was the message she used to leave when she was feeling there wasn't enough sex for a while.- I must confess was aware of many different ways of saying it, but "going for a coffee was definetly new to me LOL )<P>ANyway, her SIL would many times be the person sending messages from her to my H, and had no problems doing it, even though she knew me.<P>Her sister invited him to go to church with them (!?!) and to meet their friends from church ( do they go for Mass, or group sex?).<P>Even her mom seemed fine with it. She had called me before the affair once or twice to transmit a work related message to my H. <BR>The only complete night that my H spent with the ow ( other than that he always came home, late but was home ), her mom called me again, asking if I knew when were they coming back from the seminar.<BR> If I had had time to think, I wouldn't have opened my mouth. But since I was fuming from waiting all night and knwoing perfectly well where he was and who, I exploded and told her there was no seminar at all, she was just spending the weekend with my H. <P>After a few minutes of silence and some seconds saying more to herself that she indeed had seen him around more than usual, she ended up like this: Well, if your H wants to leave you to be with my daughter, then I guess I just have to get ready to have a new son in law. <P>So, in my case, the family was quite O.K. with the situation as well.<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.