Hi all<BR> I have been lurking here for several days and now would like to share my story. I found a e-mail from my h to ow 10/99. H stopped seeing her the next day. I continued snouping and found e-mails to multipule other women also personal ads written and many personal ads answered. Some it seems like he was seeing ,others just e-mail. He has told me very little about this-refuses to talk about it-only says it is over and I should forget and go on with our life. We see a counseler and she supports this idea of just bury it and move on. I can't. Any other experiences with many ow in the picture. Also I think I am older than many here at age 42 and h age 55. We have been married 11 years with a daughter age 10. My h says almost all men have affairs and it is no big deal. Is that true?? It is a big deal to me. Lost trust

I beat you on the age factor... I have grandkids that are 10 years old! LOL<P>My thoughts are kinda radical so you'll want some better opinions than mine, but I'll give mine anyway.<P>Find another counselor. try to find one that supports MB values. <P>Phone Harley if you can't find one in your area. <P>just my opinion... I'm sure there will be better ones coming.<P>Keo

Hello Lost Trust,<P>I am also 42 and have been married 23 years. There are many of us here in our age group (unfortunately). Personally, I think lots of this stuff is caused by midlife crises.<P>I agree with Keo, find a new counselor immediately. If your husband won't go with you, go alone.<P>It is absolutely not true that all men have affairs, and it is a "big deal" when anyone betrays their spouse. Perhaps you can get your husband to visit this site and learn more about the destruction that infidelity causes families and especially children.<P>I don't want to offend you, but your husband sounds like a male chauvanist. How would he feel if you were having an affair? How would he feel if your daughter was older and married and her husband was cheating? Would he just say that all men have affairs?<P>If your husband is unwilling to recognize that he is wrong and to change his behavior, you will still need counseling to help you through this ordeal. Please keep visiting this site. You will get support and advice from people with similar experiences.<P>Best wishes,<P>Peppermint

My heart really goes out to you. I found out two weeks ago that my partner of 17 years has had sexual relations with several other women throughout our relationship. I was in total shock. He does know that he has made a mistake and is currently in therapy. Our entire relationship was based on one big lie. One thing that may make you feel better is that your h has never wanted to leave you for any of these other women? That's the excuse my partner used anyway. These men have real issues to deal with such as major insecurites and a need for an abnormal amount of attention from others. It's their problem and not yours. I have actually left my partner and I am sure your situation is very different from mine, although I did notice some similarities in your h's behaviour. I also would suggest finding another therapist immediately. Someone that is a little more understanding of your needs!! I know you cannot make these men see anything until it is too late, but hang in there and keep on trying. My partner (x) is 41yrs old. Good luck.

My heart really goes out to you. I found out two weeks ago that my partner of 17 years has had sexual relations with several other women throughout our relationship. I was in total shock. He does know that he has made a mistake and is currently in therapy. Our entire relationship was based on one big lie. One thing that may make you feel better is that your h has never wanted to leave you for any of these other women? That's the excuse my partner used anyway. These men have real issues to deal with such as major insecurites and a need for an abnormal amount of attention from others. It's their problem and not yours. I have actually left my partner and I am sure your situation is very different from mine, although I did notice some similarities in your h's behaviour. I also would suggest finding another therapist immediately. Someone that is a little more understanding of your needs!! I know you cannot make these men see anything until it is too late, but hang in there and keep on trying. My partner (x) is 41yrs old. Good luck.

Welcome <B>lost trust</B>...<P>I just posted this to <B>JS</B> too...<BR>...and today is just a crazy day for me...<BR>...I'll get back later!<P>Until then... I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>For some clarity... a while ago... the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Just+found+out...&number=29&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Just found out...</A>...for those new the forum... pre/post "discovery" of an affair or possible affair.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Plan+A/Plan+B&number=30&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Plan A/Plan B</A>...usually after "discovery of the affair"...for those with questions of "what to do now?"<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=In+recovery&number=31&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>In recovery</A>...when a commitment to work on marriage by both spouses has begun.<BR>We are being asked to post the forums that make the most sense with respect to our questions/vents and not just dump everything into the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum because it will give you the most responses! <P>Jim

Keo<BR> Thank you for your reply and help. I think I will give Dr Harley a call<BR> Lost Trust

Pepperment<BR> Thanks for reading and replying to my post. It helps a lot to just be able to share with someone. I notice that you take time to answer and support many people here.I think you might be right about my h.<BR> Lost Trust

JS<BR> Yes that is exactly what my h said. He always loved me and never wanted to leave me and it was just a big game. Can I ask why did you decide to leave? I feel like if it was a big game with them maybe it is with me also. <BR> Lost Trust

Jim<BR> Thank you for your welcome. I read the post your reply took me to. You put a lot of thought and time into that welcome. I also read your profile and my prayers are with you. Lost Trust

Hi! From your description of your husbands behavior, it sounds like he could have a sexual addiction. I am not an expert by any means but I do agree that perhaps a change in counselors would be worth looking into.