Woozy,<BR>Thanks. I know we are making progress but is sure is hard when you want to be intimate. The last time was 30 May 1999.<P>She has been moody lately moreso than the rest of the time I have known her. I am becoming more sure that she suffers from BIPOLAR DISORDER. OUr boys are noticing it as well. The oldest and I hate to come home. We talk often because he hates to see us argue. I hugged him last night because it is wearing on his. I have been a little more strict with them because they are doing less and less around the house which drives her crazy. I get the brunt of her criticism when the boys don't clean. Kind of difficult when you are always working (two or more jobs.)<P>God will get us all through this.<P>I am praying for you. The stupidity factor eventually has to come to an end. MONDO HUG!!!!!!!!!!! <P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Rob,<P>Tell me about the intimacy part! That is a tough one for me too! The last time for me was February 12, 2000. When my husband showed up yesterday, I jokingly asked him if he wanted to have casual sex. I don't know if you saw my thread about a neighbor calling me and asking me if I wanted to have casual sex. Anyway, I reported him to the police. I am not THAT vulnerable! Or stupid for that matter! I told my husband about it and that is why I asked him about the casual sex. Well, he laughed and then said, "You know I would." Then he said, "I must be screwed up!" I told him he is screwed up. I told him I was just joking anyway and that I didn't need it! Well, I do want it but I am not going to go that route! I don't want to be his charity case! I am going crazy though! May, that is a long time!!! I am so sorry! That is how it will be for me too though I am afraid!<P>Has your wife been to a counselor at all? My husband did go on Prozac but as soon as he moved in with the ow, he quit taking it. His way of saying since he was with her he didn't need it. Another hurtful thing for me! It is hard to deal with the mood swings! My h had them when he was living at home also. He would be just fine one minute and the next yelling at the boys for something minor! He tends to blow things out of proportion. I keep planning to make a list of the pros and cons of having him around. I keep thinking the bad stuff would outweigh the good! Make me realize that I am better off without him! <P>My prayers go out to you also and a hug for you too!!!!! God knows we need them right now!!! Take care Rob!<P>~Woozy

Ohh...Ohh,this is a good one.<P>I was sick and he stayed home to take care of the kids.(he had a hockey game to go to.)<P>1.I stayed home to take care of my "friend"<BR>2.You don't want me just going through the motions do you?<BR>All of which I knew better.It hurt none the less.<P>

I forgot this one..<P><BR>"I really thing this is the best thing for both of us"<P>-How does that work? You are with OP,I am alone and hurting, somehow I can't agree with that statement-

Ohhh, Ohh, this is the best one... Well, not really...<P>Husband: "I feel sort of bad, either way, I won't be alone and one of you will." <P>How is that for a kick in the face? Yep, well, I am alone but not really. My little dig I got in on him was, I may be alone but I have the boys! Therefore, I am not lonely! <P>~Woozy

Well, I don't know if he didn't mean this, I think he did....<BR>We were trying to reconcile, and went to dinner together. He saw someone he knew through "friends from work" (this guy worked at the resturant we were at). He introduced me as "a friend"... He said it was because he didn't want anyone spreading rumors... I think he didn't want it to get back to the twinky that we were together. <BR><P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

<BR>" It was nothing you did, it's just me? "<P>HUH, What does that mean?<P>Or " I don't love you like I did when we were first married."<BR> <BR> <P>------------------<BR>Peg

This one was the icing on the cake!<P> "Someday,I'll explain it to you in terms that you can understand." --ARRGGGG!!! <BR> <BR> --Murph<BR>

what a great thread, to make us all realise we are not alone !!!<P>My H said the following:<P>..I don't know what I feel for you<BR>..I don't know if I love you<BR>..When we made love, I didn't feel anything (Emotionally, not physically!!!) This was after I had found out about OW, but we were still living together, and trying counselling<BR>..No, I don't want to try and work on our marriage<BR>..Yes, I had thoughts of marrying her<BR>..Yes, she's very special<P>THIS IS THE KILLER<P>..You probably don't want to hear this, but she's a lot like you.................... AAARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH<P>Now he tells me she's a psycho who twists and turns everything in her own head. She also warps everything. She's selfish, jealous and possessive. These last two things I am DEFINITELY not. Never have been.<BR>So, is this the real me ??? Am I a rabbit boiler in the making??? Do I have all these personality disorders that he finally discovered, which allowed him to find someone else. BTW, I had no idea I had these personality disorders. !!!!!!!! LOL<P>Jo

<BR>bonnet,<P>"She's a lot like you..." Oh man, incredible!!!<P>I guess I'll reveal my own zinger, but I hesitate to post this for language reasons. I caught a girlfriend cheating on me when I was in college. When I confronted her, she turned on me like a pit bull on steroids and said,<P>"You just want my c**t as your own little cave!"<P>Seventeen years have passed, and I *still* wince at that one. <P>Bystander

Bystander, thought I would add my 2 cents as well. My have has said the ususal." I love you but I am not in love with you.".<P>But, during an arguement, and four weeks into recovery, the truth of her feelings and state of mind became quite clear to me for the first time.<P>She said." If it wasn't for what you did(not meeting emotional needs), I wouldn't have done what I did."<P>That makes me want to forgive her today. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bystander:<BR><B><BR>bonnet,<P>"She's a lot like you..." Oh man, incredible!!!<P>I guess I'll reveal my own zinger, but I hesitate to post this for language reasons. I caught a girlfriend cheating on me when I was in college. When I confronted her, she turned on me like a pit bull on steroids and said,<P>"You just want my c**t as your own little cave!"<P>Seventeen years have passed, and I *still* wince at that one. <P>Bystander</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I'll add my personal "favorite":<P>"I want out, our marriage is finished, I can't tell you why because I don't want to hurt your feelings." <P>My wife of 15 years, said this to me 8 weeks ago. Guess what, it still hurt my feelings.

How about this...My H had told me he wanted to leave, but had not yet told me he was "in-love" with a co-worker (deep emotional bond, but not physical affair). Anyway, we were trying to work on relationship, but he did not want to have sex with me, bcs he still thought he might leave.<P>One night I overcame his objections, and we had great sex, repeated at his instigation the next am. That night he told me he didn't feel right about it, that making love to me "felt almost like adultery" <P>Four days later, when I found out he was "in-love" with someone else, this comment made a whole lot more sense to me

Oh, and then after I found out about his EA, there was:<P>"I just keep thinking if I can't be happy again married to you, I should see if I can be happy married to her"<P>(She is already married, has 3 kids, and had told him to go home and work on his marriage...this is when I decided he was on the extended tour of fantasy-land!)

Wow, what an open nerve. We all have our unbelievable statements made by our wayward spouses in the temporary insanity of adultery. Does anyone - anyone - have a story where those statements, with the benefit of forgiveness, recovery, and a return from insanity - are somehow redeemed, recanted, talked about in a productive way? Although it has made me feel better to hear others crazy sentences, it is a very temporary and empty feel better.....

My goodness, look what I've started here.<P>Yes, there are far more stories about couples who have recovered and their spouses then acknowledge that these "sayings" were not real, not them, etc. Yes, they do eventually remember the love for you - the key is YOU (me too). It's not that way with all affairs, but far more recover than not. It's just that we on this site are either not in recovery yet, or just in recovery with still a lot of uncertainty. The many who are on the other side are gone from the site now.<P>Genie29, Spooknook, and so many others are on the other side. Do a search for Genie29, read her threads. Her husband recanted all these horrible sayings. And she's not alone.<P>Just last night my wife told me that she wasn't going to leave, that we were moving forward together as one, and that she said she was leaving (4 times and very strongly) because she was angry, etc. My ride's not over - but you already see the trend here.<P>SamH

My H told me the other day that having an affair "Gave him hope," I am like hope for what.<P>He is in a major MIL and has even told me so. He wants the divorce but wants to do family things together and date me. Then he says in a couple of years who knows, we might be able to get together.<P>Another one he told me was that his wedding ring was a shakle.<P>I almost wish it was a noose and I would tighten the rope!

Ok, here goes - we've been in recovery for about a year but I still remember every word:<BR>"She/op and I are really close, closer than you and I ever were"<BR>"I've NEVER been happy with you"<BR>"Doesn't it mean anything to you that we (he and op) never actually had sex."<BR>"It (the affair) just happened to me because it was meant to be"<BR>"You hurt, not because of my affair, but because of your childhood and history - so don't blame me if you feel hurt"<BR>"She (op) is everything you are not - strong, powerful, young, etc..."<BR>"My leaving will not have any long term effects on our daughter - kids are resilient and she will get over it in no time"<P>

edited by claudia103<p>[This message has been edited by Claudia103 (edited March 12, 2000).]

How could I have forgotten:<P>"She and I have some kind of pyschic bond...I can feel her thinking about me...that's how I know she loves me."<P>Once, he actually shivered...I asked him what it was...he said that was her thinking about him.<P>