I was afraid that after I got divorced that I would be alone the rest of my life. I imagine there are other out there feeling that too.<P>Let me say first off, I am all for trying to save our marriages, but if you are holding on because you are afraid of being alone, that is the wrong reason.<P>I went on my first true date last night and had a wonderful time. We went to dinner and afterwards went and listened to some music.<P>Will this lead further, I don't know at thsi point, but she is an attractive, interesting woman.<P>So there are people out there, some good, some bad. You just have to be careful and ready. I felt I was ready, but at times last night I felt very vulnerable so I was real guarded about what I said and listened carefully to what she said so I didn't misunderstand what she was saying<P>So take heart, there is still life out there for us !!!<P><BR>God Bless us all!<P>Bob

Bob,<P>Betcha don't get too many replies on this one ! I'm in the same boat as you. I agree.<P>Eric

Hi Rob,<P> I'll reply!!.....good for you , I'm glad you are experiencing some happiness. I have to say , I wonder if it's easier if you're male? Wonder what it's like if you're mid forties and female? Not that I'm looking (!) but wondering what it's like "out there"! LU

Bob,<P>Well I must say that I am happy for you. I have also decided to move on. But only as far as with me and daughter. H will file come April. I'm no where near ready to start dating. I'm still working on healing me. <P>Take your time, but by all means enjoy yourself. You deserve to be happy and I for one will cheer you on!<P>Praying always....<P><P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Hey Bob! <P>I'm with you on this one! I will be among the singles soon! Yeah, I'm afraid of dating again, I'm afraid I'll make stupid choices! (again, that is)<P>I'm also wondering how easy it will be for me...a 30 yr old woman with 3 boys. I wonder how many men would really be willing to take on that responsibility??<BR>Guess, I'll be able to find out soon enough!<P>Congrats,<BR>Mitzi

Eric<BR>Yea, I probably won't, but I just sensed that some people are just hanging on, so I wanted to give them some to think about.<P>Lu,<BR>I'm 44 and have two kids, so I wasn't expecting too many women(single) with no children to be around. I'm no looking for some 20 yr old unless they were very mature for their age. But then I don't want to be in my 50's raising a baby either.<BR> It may be easier being a guy, it depends on how outgoing you are. Would you ask a guy out? <P>Jamie-Lee,<BR>I felt the same way at first. Then as the kids started to spend some time with their mother I didn't know what else to do with myself. I wasn't feeling any love or sadness over my divorce as my x has killed all that in me, so I decided I would ask someone out. I met this woman briefly at a Super Bowl party, that we both got invited to at the last minute and something about her intrigued me. So I figured why not, the worse she could do was say no. And after what my x has done to me, words don't hurt me anymore. She did say yes, at least this time, so I will have to see about the next.<P>Mitzi,<BR>Yea, it is scary. I too worry about making stupid mistakes or falling in love the first time out. So I am being very wary. I'm trying not to fall in love this time. I'm just lookiing to going out and having some fun with someone from the opposite sex.<BR>Which part of WV do you live in ? I have some work in Parkersburg and over in Steubenville, OH. that I have to do within the next month.<P>Bob

Bob,<P>I am no longer affraid of being alone.<P>There are other fish in the sea and the fishing's good.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Bob,<BR>I am happy for you. I am nowhere near expierencing the dating thing...in fact don't see me even close for a long, long time. Got hurt way too bad....and am still hurting.<P>I know that there is life after D. I am getting on with my life......just me and our daughters. I am actually enjoying it to the fullest.<P>Good luck to you...<BR>Nancy

There is hope for us ladies.<P>My neighbor of 15 yrs was divorced<BR> around mid 40's with 3 kids.<P>Her oldest girl wanted her to start dating but she said who would want to date an older women with 3 kids.<P>She's been married for 3 yrs. now to a man who treats her like a queen.<P>So if things do not work out with our WS then ther has to be someone out there for us <BR>who will love us the way we are!!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>Peg

Hi guys!<P>This is the first time I have logged on since December and I promised to come back when I settled in a little. <P>Well, I decided I didn't have time to post an update, but what an appropriate topic for me! Update later.<P>My divorce was final Jan 31! I feel lonely at times, but life is grand. I wish my marriage could have worked, but life will go on and it will be better. It already is.<P>THERE IS HOPE! I too worry about being a 31 year old, single mom. I hope not to make the same mistakes, but I am confident that there is a difference between 22 and 31. Dating is scary, but dates can be fun! I know first hand. Kind of exciting - makes me feel like a school girl.<P>Later! <P>PS - RWD - Don't count out those younger women. Maybe not in there 20's, but some of us young 30 year olds are looking for a more mature man that knows how to treat a woman. <BR>------------------<BR>d is for dog<BR>h is for hope<BR>j is for joy, pure joy!<P>[This message has been edited by dhj (edited March 12, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by dhj (edited March 12, 2000).]

DHJ,<BR>Didn't mean to putdown the 30 yos. I belive my date was 35.<P>Bob

HEY BOB!,<P>Good deal on the first date! Hope you had a great time.<P>Why wouldn't she say YES? Look who ya hang out with. That would be us.<P>silly rabbit!<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Tim

Bob,<P>I'm from a small town (Keyser) in the Eastern Panhandle. It's about 3 1/2 hours east of Parkersburg. Actually my BIL lives really close to Parkersburg, about 30 minutes away.<P>Mitzi

Bob, <BR>I agree. There is life after the turmoil and pain we have gone through, although we have thouble seeing it when we are in the midst of it. <BR>I am 45,2 teens and have started the dating thing as well. There are many nice men out there. You just need to open yourself up to it. It is wonderful that we can still feel that wonderful way again. That is what is great about MB. No matter what happens with our marriages, we become better people, ready for those feelings and challenges in a relationship. <BR>I, too, loved my X like no other. I was devastated when I found out about the affair. I was even more devastated when it continued, over and over again. I followed Dr. H principles the best I could. I got to the point where I fell out of love with my X. I was ready to move on, without regrets. I had done eveything I could to save my marriage. Now I am ready to give the love and respect to another that my X did not want from me. I will take my time, live my live for me, but be open to another down the road. It feels good to know life is not over!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

Bob,<P>Good for you! Sometimes, just having someone show you some positive attention, really makes you open your eyes about so much.<P>Dating is VERY SCARY, I agree with those who said that. But it is a time for you to learn more about yourself as well. I have been dating too. I have also chickened out a few times, but I am getting better at it.<P>Take it slow. Be cautious of opening up too soon. Keep everything nice and simple. Age is just a number, but I find that I do prefer someone in their 30's. I am 27, not sure of your age! But after what we've been through it is hard to relate to people who are young and "inexperienced" in a major relationship or just life in general.<P>Good topic title, I was hoping it would be something positive!! I hope you are doing well and I am sure you are smiling a lot today!!! :roll eyes:<P>Dana<BR>

I keep wondering if that is my problem. I am afraid of my future. <BR>My family and therapist keep telling me I deserve someone who will treat me like a princess. They wonder why I keep crying over someone who does not want me and who does not love me.<BR>I am afraid of looking for someone else but I know after my divorce that I will want companionship and someone to do things with.<BR>I want someone to love me again. But I too am afraid to trust someone with my heart. What is left after beening stomped on by H over and over again.<P>I would still love my marriage to work out. I do feel like my H is in a MLC. But how long do I wait for him, even after our divorce, to see if he will ever wake up and see what he walked away from.<P>I hope the fishing is good out there. I will soon be fishing or be one of the fish.

Bob,<P>Just wanted to let you know I had seen this (just lurk a bit these days).<P>How happy I am for you. Life has dealt you some lemonhs and you are trying to make the tastiest lemonade you can! Great! I really am glad that you are finally beginning to enjoy life once again. <P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Thanks all for your replies, I didn't expect that many replies and was afraid some would not appreciate it in that they are still working on their marriages. I still do believe in marriage and would like to ahve a life long partner, again.<P>Mitzi<P>I don't get that far east, I thought I would stop and say hello if I was in your vicinity.<P>Sue,<BR>You and I are at the same point. How was your trip ?<P>Dana,<P>I was all smiles yesterday. Today is a work day though!<P>M3K<P>I believe my x is in a MLC too plus she has never been happy in our marriage. I was just too ignorant to now what to do, not that I could make her happy. It just got to the point that she wanted out of the marriage and the affair just happened to speed things along.<P>She is still so messed up, she has no clue what to do with the kids. She had them Sat & Sun. She took mt daughter shopping most of the day Sat while my son was at a friends. Then on Sun, she took my son shopping while my daughter stayed at her apartment ill.<P>She dropped them off this morning and then kissed them goodbye by giving them her cheek, like she had done to me for the past few years. It looked like kissing your elderly aunt.<P>How long do you have to wait. I kinda thought after we divorced she would come out of it but she hasn't so far. Its getting close to a year.<P>Desiree,<P>Good to hear from you. I wondered how you are doing ! How are you doing ?<P><BR>Love to all,<P>Bob<P>ps. <P>Medic, I didn't tell her about you!!(LOL)<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

Bob,<P>I, too, have been dealt some lemons and am trying to make some lemonade. I am getting divorced. The papers are supposed to be filed tomorrow and if things progress on schedule, I will be divorced on the 31st day after tomorrow. The entire property settlement has been completed and there should be no surprises.<P>I have prayed so much and the Holy Spirit has put a peace in my heart about all of this. This is not the conclusion that I wanted. But, I have accepted that it is what Jim wants. <P>You know what, Bob? I am happier now that I know this is happening (the divorce) than anytime at all in these past 13 months of the affair (it is still ongoing)! I have come to see this as an opportunity, and am focusing less on the tragedy of it all. I am heartbroken that my family isn't going to be united and that my marriage isn't going to be restored. Yet, I know how very worthy I am and how much God loves me. There can be no doubt that there is another man out there waiting for me with open arms...a person who will cherish me as much as I will cherish him. I will open my heart and give it my all again. I look forward to finding love again.<P>So...that is how I am. <P>Thanks so very much for asking, Bob. I have been limiting time here as part of my ongoing recovery. I just come here a few times a week and mostly stick with the people I know very well. I have difficulty handling those with fresh hurt at this point in my own recovery cycle.<P>Take care....Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Very happy for you Bob!<P>You were always one of the good guys!<P>~Sheryl