I am not really sure what is going on with my emotions but for some reason today I have been crying and depressed. I can't pinpoint any reason for this, there have been no triggers that I am aware of but at the weirdest moments I've just burst into tears. I want more than anything just to be held so I can cry and cry and cry and get it ALL out but that is impossible. Arik is out of town and even if he were here he would have little patience for my mood right now.<BR>I just want the pain to end, but right now I feel like it never will. I mean hear I am bawling my eyes out and there hasn't been a single thing that happened today that would trigger all these emotions. <BR>I guess I am just going off the deep end.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

Nicole,<P>There doesn't have to be anything that triggers it. I think it just all that pain we are going through just comes to the top. We try to control but someday we just can't. <P>There is a great daily meditation book by Melodie Beattie called The Language of Letting Go, it is not about letting go of someone but letting go of your fears and emotions. It talks about codependency but maily it has given me help to get through each day. Food for thought. It tells me that some of the emotions and fears that I go through are normal. <P>It was recommended to me by my counselor. It is really a great book. I would suggest that you get it. I read it each night before I go to sleep, I read the next day's meditation. It has helped me alot to get through some of the day when I am so down. Please try it I think it would help.<P>I just want you to know that probably the best things is to take some time for your self and just cry. Spend a while getting it all out. Thne do something to pamper your self. A soak in a hot tub with a glass of wine and candles. That also helps me.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Dear Patient Love,<P>It's okay... You're human. Feelings don't always have to make sense. Sometimes they just are what they are.<P>Don't get down on yourself for being down. You can't be strong all the time. Sometimes negatives pile up inside without our realizing it, and without warning, they spring up and threaten to overwhelm us.<P>Please don't make more of this than what it is, a time for getting in touch with sadness previously unexpressed. When we're really sad, it is so tempting to color all of life gray, but, in reality, there are many things for you to be thankful about. <P>Take a deep breath. Think about something you can thank God for. Now praise Him out loud. Think of something else. Focus on it and praise Him again. He is in control. He loves you. And nothing, not even the bleakest of bleak moods can separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.<P>Feel better soon.<P>BrokenButNotCrushed <BR>

Nicole,<BR>You are experiencing grief. Actually this may be good. Sometimes in the heat of battle we do what we gotta do...and it catches up with us when things ease up a bit. That could be what is happening to you.<P>You need to grieve your losses. You lost a faithful marriage. You lost trust. You lost stability. You lost your dream of the future. You need to actively grieve these losses because they are real.<P>As you recover, you will also find gain. You will gain strength. You will not take things for granted. Hopefully the two of you will discover a renewed commitment and a more honest communication. Your faith will be stronger. You may be able to more clearly define your priorities. <P>But right now, you have sustained incredible emotional trauma.<P>Your emotions are in a blender. You may have a problem trusting your own judgement. You may be insecure and fearful. You are angry and very very hurt.<P>You are behaving normally. If you short circuit grief...it will show back up. That doesn't mean you have to be sad all the time or act sad all the time...but it does mean you need to give yourself permission to process all this gargage.<P>You can recover...but just as we don't expect a broken bone to heal overnight, we should not expect the heart to mend quite so quickly either.<P>It is all part of a process...the road to true recovery and true healing.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Thank-you all for your insight. I am doing a little better tonight and am going to try and get a goodnight's sleep tonight.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole <p>[This message has been edited by Patient Love (edited March 15, 2000).]

Patient Love,<P>Faith Hope Love said exactly what I would have. Try and stay calm and just remember, you have been through a lot and this is completely normal. Prayers and hugs to you, Dana<BR>