I probably know the answer to my own question, but I would like to know how some of you have handled it. My H is caught now in the 'contradiction' of his EA. First he refuses to call it an affair, I guess because it was not physical. Second he tells me that he realizes that they cannot even be friends and that the withdrawal is a gradual thing because it is so painful...they work together so how can there ever be a witdrawal?.. and that they really blew it by letting the relationship go as far as it did. He mentioned a total physical distancing and that it was what I wanted. I told him that I would prefer that, but was it realistic? I refuse to get into these battles with him. But he is thinking about it, I did not bring it up and have not done so for weeks. So maybe he will decide this for himself. Then he tells me that they do talk every once in a while just so they know that the other is not upset and to reassure one another that that is not why they are doing this. I told him that if they were separating as they claimed then there should be no reason for reassurances of any kind. Then he started in on the 'spiritual" side of the relationship stuff. I know that she does not want to let go because she gave him a CD of Collin Raye...all those 'if only I had known you before, you are my true love' songs...it would really upset me if it weren't so juvenile. Plus I think that he is still in the 'poor me' stage...he would like to do things with her but can't so just can't be happy. He is right, they blew it and I think that he is really regretting it now, once you cross that line you can't go back, there is too much emotional baggage attached and too much temptation. He also mentioned something about trusting them...well as he said he blew that too and I can never trust the two of them together again. I guess I should be happy that he is telling me these things without me asking, it shows that he is thinking seriously about what has happened and maybe how to deal with it in the best manner. But in the mean time how do I deal with his contradicting himself sometimes in the same sentence? Mostly I just let him know that I appreciate his honesty even if I do not agree with him and try to present my opinion in the most diplomatic nonconfrontational manner that I can. It seems to work. Plus I just keep telling him and showing him that I care and that I am here for him. I also told him that I think that we can have a wonderful future together and that I am not going to give up on us. That was what he seemed to need when he got involved with her, so if he can get it in the arms of his family, maybe he will come around. Has this been the case with any of you? It seems that things are getting better and I don't want to do something stupid now and alienate him, so any advice/experiences would be appreciated.<P>To broken but not crushed: I printed your post and have read it several times. I too have found that when I put things in God's hands, that is when progress in the relationship really started to be apparent. You just have to be patient and allow that power to work. Thank you for your honesty and for being such an inspiration for us all.
