I read with sadness Desiree's post about filing for divorce. That's where I am too. He filed (our agreement during mediation. I can't believe that I'm nearly 58 years old and I will soon be a divorcee. We will probably be divorced shortly after April 15 when the taxes have been completed. The only times he calls here after 32 years of marriage are when he wants to discuss money.<P>As I have taught for over 32 years, I have more money in retirement than he does. But he tried to get some of my funds during the mediation process. How can a man who cheated on me turn around and make an attempt to cash in on some of my hard earned savings?<P>I will turn over to him a CD in order to make it more financially equitable. My mediator said that she told him I wasn't so hurt about money but that we had been married for over 30 years and it had come to this.<P>Yes, I have no feelings of love for him anymore after all the pain and rejection and casting me aside as if I no longer matter anymore. The mediator asked him if he had tried to call me about some of the financial matters. His reply was that every time he called, I accused him of only calling about money. This is true.<P>I think I am hoping that he does marry the bimbo and that she gets a taste of his hot temper. And maybe she will help him spend his part of the settlement. Yes, I still feel some bitterness. But I am hoping that in time this willl lessen.<P>Thanks for your time.<P>Martha

Hello again,Martha,<BR> 58 isn't old!You still have some good years left in you.Sometimes I wonder how marriages last as long as they do.People change,goals change,and life in general changes.I hope things work out for you money-wise.Perhaps when your bitterness passes,and you get over this,you just may enjoy life.Travel,take art classes,buy a waterfront condo.Do whatever you want to do.Maybe you'll have the best time of your life.Again,I hope things work out for you.What state do you live in?I'll take you out in my Ferrari(that I'll buy after my divorce).Take care. --Murph

Martha, I'm so sorry that after all of these years that this is what it comes down to. Splitting assets, money.<P>I met with a financial advisor the other day and came out depressed because of it. It was just about changing a fund. But it made me think of the dreams, the plans I/we had that I have been robbed of without my knowledge or ability to do anything about.<P>I don't even know what to say to support you because I am feeling this afte only 13 years. But at least you have had a career and have your own money.<P>I have stayed home to care for our two children. It was a mutually agreed upon decision. Now he is interested in a coworker because she understands him better. It makes you want to spit blood!!!!!

My Mom keeps telling me we have a NEW life out there. My Mom divorced my Dad years ago. She had us 4 kids and no money. She meet a wonderful older man who adopted us and has been our True Dad every since.<BR>I try to remember that as my divorce gets closer. I too feel like I am thowing away my dreams ect.<BR>At least you do have a career. I have been a stay at home Mom for 10 years. I do have a degree but would like to teach so I am going back to college next year for 3 years at night.<BR>Sometimes, I feel like I am old, I am 41 but hey some people are haveing kids at 40. Age is only a number.<BR>But what I want to say the older gentleman that married my Mom was 55 and they have been married 32 wonderful years and am still going strong.<BR>You are young, you are wonderful, you are going to be OK. It does stink all this splitting up assets and stuff, I am doing the same thing.<BR>I am scared, I am worried but I know deep down that I will be ok.<BR>Hang in there........I am thinking about you!

Martha,<P>Try to cheer up. You shared a wonderful life until he probably had his mid life crisis or something. Do you have kids? If so, then they had the opportunity to grow up in a two family home.<P>I am 27, and at the rate I am going (last relationship being 10 years), I can look forward to at least 3 or 4 more of these life shattering experiences, and I am not happy about it. <P>I guess I don't believe in true love and sharing the rest of your life with someone anymore. Its just not realistic. It doesn't happen often either.<P>I hate that you have to hand over your money when you had that hard earned money for your future.<P>I guess I believe, if you cheat, you should walk away with the clothes on your back and a severe a$$ kickin' by your wife's family and thats about all you should get. It is made entirely too easy for people to cheat, walk away and carelessly blow all of our dreams and future, because thats what they did.<P>Cheer up, we are here for you, and you have accomplished a lot, you will find someone BETTER I am sure of it!<P>Dana<BR>

Martha,<P>Sorry to hear about your situation. I've read a pretty good book to help me through the pain of divorce and I've seen some others, Cat for one, recommend it too.<P>Its "Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends," by Dr. Bruce Fisher.<P>Don't give up on YOU.<P>God Bless,<P>Bob

My thanks to all of you who have posted here. I hope that I can give you much support as you have given me.<P>It's a sorry state of affairs in today's society. I do know that I'm not alone. So many of the staff members in my school have been victims of infidelity at one time or another. I know of several who are no longer there. And I thought my husband was different as we had been together for so long.<P>Oh, well. Could this be his true character or is it temporary insanity.<P>Would love to hear comments on this.<P>Thanks again, Friends.<P>Martha

For almost a year I thought that this was temporary insanity, but I am beginning to become convinced that my H's infidelity does reflect his true character. As long as there was nothing "better" available, perhaps my H pretended to care to avoid being alone. No human being could so completely abandon everything he ever believed in if he ever really believed in it to begin with. My H said over and over that people's basic personalities don't change, and I think he was right. <BR>

Martha,<BR> I tend to agree with Nellie.When we were younger,my W's nasty little traits would pop out once in a while.She's gotten worse the last few years.Perhaps her"dark half"has fully come out of hiding.Time will tell.In some ways,I almost feel sorry for her trophy-boyfriend.I don't think he has any idea what's in store for him.... You hang in there. --Murph