I had an affair with someone who wrks 4 same<BR>Co. but out of state. We had been speaking<BR>on a personal level for 3 months. He started<BR>out saying he loved me and after every conversation and e-mail. He came out we<BR>had a good time.<BR>Then I went to see him sex was great, but he<BR>wasn't "there" for me like he should have.<BR>That I left a day earlier. We threw words back at each other, but he refuses to speak<BR>to me, after 2 months I was able to get him<BR>to respond to professional e-mail. THe problem is I feel that I really "love" this<BR>man. What happened? Does it matter where a<BR>man comes from in the world? He's not American. Or all men are pigs no matter where<BR>they come from. I'm realling hurting.<BR>Thanks

Are you married or is he married? It is not clear from your post. If either one of you is married, then it is best that it ended. I'm sorry you are hurting. <P>All men are not pigs (did I say that JL?). True love doesn't happen overnight, and so you should be suspect of anyone telling you they love you so quickly. You should also question your own frame of mind if you could fall in "love" with someone else so quickly yourself.<P>Lots of guys will say they love you just to get you in bed. It is your job to weed out the wheat from the chafe, and that takes time. <BR>

Thanks for your answer, We both are married,<BR>and having trouble. But he was a man I could<BR>talk to. It seems in hindsight I was an easy<BR>target. My husband doesn't know. When This guy told me he love me right off the bat, I<BR>told him he doesn't know me. But after much<BR>talks he's was the kind of man I would like to have thats why I fell in love. He has alot<BR>of conflict at his place he brought family from another country to live here, and they<BR>stay with him. He was upset with his wife<BR>because she was keeping in contact with another man back in their country, and he<BR>resented that. But I felt that we could have<BR>kept up a "friendship" . I feel he wasn't<BR>man enough to do it. But each day I feel better and I hope I can overcome this crisis<BR>in my life.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Does it matter where a man comes from in the world? He's not American. Or all men are pigs no matter where they come from.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Men are pigs everywhere, even us men in America.<P>Why is he a pig? ‘Cause you’re both married?

Forgive me if I am a little thick headed. But, what do you mean buy "not there like he should have?" There is definetly a difference between love and lust. do you realize the difference?<P>I believe there are definetly some "male pigs" out there, but there are definetly some darned good, loving, respecting men out there. They are just few and far between.( as there are women)<P>Why did you leave early? Perhaps the reason he didn't want to communicate is that a lot of men play at love for sex and perhaps he fell into that catagory?<P>Apology for being blunt. 'Tis my nature.

Welcome <B>out2getu</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>For some clarity... a while ago... the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Just+found+out...&number=29&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Just found out...</A>...for those new the forum... pre/post "discovery" of an affair or possible affair.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Plan+A/Plan+B&number=30&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Plan A/Plan B</A>...usually after "discovery of the affair"...for those with questions of "what to do now?"<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=In+recovery&number=31&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>In recovery</A>...when a commitment to work on marriage by both spouses has begun.<BR>We are being asked to post the forums that make the most sense with respect to our questions/vents and not just dump everything into the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum because it will give you the most responses! <P>A few thoughts...<BR>This site(forums) is(are) for "Marriage Building"...<BR>If your OM has left you... he is building his Marriage and that doesn't make him a pig... The indiscretion you both had by having the affair was wrong... he corrected his way... and is to be commended forit!<P>I would hope you would consider taking the same route of repairing your marriage as the "right" way as well! Keeping or attempting to regain contact with him will cause you nothing but pain, heartache and devastation!<P>Do read the "concepts" pages...<BR>...try to understand the philosophy of these forums... <P>Jim

I guess I'm in the wrong forum as was mentioned, sorry! An answer to some of the<BR>?. When the om came to visit I took time<BR>off work and showed him around. When I visited him, he didn't take time off of work even though he said his wife was leaving for Europe. THe last day I was there I had not<BR>rcv'd a call and by 4pm I was outta there.<BR>but when I spoke to him later he said he stopped by but I was gone. I just thought<BR>we had an understanding of our relationship.<BR>After reading about emotional needs and conversation, we did that for each other. He<BR>is not happy in his marriage or why would he<BR>cheat. Why bother going all those miles for<BR>a romp in the hay. But I learned from this<BR>experience. I'll never do it again, and by<BR>reading about everyone's else story has cleared my mind. I can go on, SHOULD i TELL<BR>MY HUSBAND?

out2getu,<P>Please do a lot more reading...<BR>...there is so much to learn...<P>There were several recent post that mirror your current situation...<P>One you should check out is ===><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/001425.html" TARGET=_blank>To Jill and azhootie</A>...<BR>and most definitely see one of <B>Jill</B>'s early posts ===><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/000144.html" TARGET=_blank>I'm the betrayer. Can someone help me??</A><P>Additionally... you can do a search on <B>Jill</B>'s, <B>azhootie</B>'s, and <B>NoMas</B>'s other posts... <BR>"Click on the <B>search</B> option and fill in the 'criteria'"...<P>I hope this helps!<P> <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited March 18, 2000).]