I still don't really know what's going on. All I know is that my h moved out 1 month ago to think.<P>He appears to be having an EA with a coworker he does not want to give up. <P>Her h. (whom she still lives with but wants to D) tells me of many phone calls and that they are "in love"<P>My h. really has that weird look in his eyes like he is not himself.<P>He has changed much about his behavior. In fact all of this is out of character. He also seems to forget details of our life and our two childrens lives.<P>He said all the horrible things I've seen written here.<P>He did start counseling for himself, but is currently unwilling to discuss Us or future to anyone including his family.<P>He seems to be questioning ALL aspects of his life.<P>We seemed to have a better than good relationship before the "sudden" change.<P>There have been a lot of stresses in his work situation in the past few years.<P>I suspect some underlying depression. (after being married for 13 years and knowing how he tended to search outside of himself too much and blame situatins for his unhappiness)<P>Anyway.....Is this an affair?? a MLC? depression???? I really hate to think of it as aMLC which could take years..... OUr children are so little. It seems like such a waste........It is so frustrating. So maddening.......I am so angry......and sad and lonely...........Do you wonder where your life went and why it went????

I have been trying to read everything I can find on the internet about MLC's. I have not found much.<P>I do know that I have a alien clone as a H. He has even admitted to me that he thinks he is going through a mid life crisis.<P>I did everything I could to make this marriage work after his affair. The affair is over (I guess, he says it is and she is supposedly dateing someone else) it has been almost 6 months since discovery.<P>He just plain does not want to be married anymore. Maybe just to me. He has put his name in on friend finders even. It is like he is searching for something.<P>We are getting a divorce not unless a miracle happens. I told him I loved him enough to let him go. Now, he wants to date and be friends and do family stuff together. Go figure....<P>I do know that he is not ready to come home, he tried and started shaking. He needs to find out what he is missing and when he wakes up if he ever does, I hope that he will see that evrything he wanted was right here.<P>I do not know if this helps you. Hang in there, I truly believe that they do wake up. I just do not know how long it takes. I have read 3 to 5 years. It just depends on how long we want to wait.

tootrusting,<BR> Have you checked out the midlife.com site?They have some books you can order,I got the one on women's midlife crisis.My W changed,too.She said she was dead and empty inside,life was passing her by,she felt old(43),and the younger(31)OM made her feel like a giddy teenager.She blamed me for anything that she felt was ever wrong in our marriage,lots of past regrets.I think it's a combination of depression,MLC,and some brainwashing by the OM(his first marriage failed,so now he's some kind of marital guru).<BR>You didn't say how old your H is,but he's probably old enough to be questioning his life.Perhaps a MLC is brought on by thinking too much about what could of been.I wish I had an answer for you.I wonder where my life went,too.<BR>I wonder if my3kids is right about them waking up?My W said she felt she woke up when she started her affair with The Kid.I guess she felt she had really been unhappy for a long time,and our marriage was all wrong.I guess time will tell.At this point,a divorce is imminent.<BR>Take a look at that website and let me know if you find any answers.Take care.--Murph

Hey Murph and too trusting<P>I hope that they do wake up. My H said his affair gave him hope. Now what does that mean, that he can find love again? I put it to the fact that he is still confused and lost and yes the alien clone factor.......<P>I have talked to my therapist and she says she knows a lot about MLC, but we did not have time to talk about it much, since the session is really for me and my kids and how I prepare for a divorce and keep the kids in tact.<P>I do want to find out more about it.<P>The best thing I can do know is plan my future alone. I am going back to college next year. I just filled out financial aid stuff on the internet to get a loan. This is kinda funny since our oldest one starts college next year too. we did it together last night.<P>This is a roller coaster ride. I think I am still in for some loop de loops still.