My H says that he can't decide whether he wants to make the marriage work or whether he wants to just start over. He believes it would be easier just to start over. Of course, I know differently. <P>We seem to talk a lot when he picks up and drops off the kids. Several hours usually. For the most part it is about us. He claims he is unsure of my intentions, whether I can change for him, blah, blah, blah.<P>Our marriage was far from perfect when he moved out with ow. Apparently, he was more unhappy than I was. He claims that he understands a lot more of my feelings and needs than he did. He said he enjoyed talking with me when we were not fighting.<P>I feel like this divorce (legal issues) is hanging heavy over my head and I'm sure he feels the same. My question is: Does this seem like a man that is interested in coming back home or is just playing games? I don't have a lot of time left before our divorce is final. Do you have any suggestions for me to do that might help him make a decision before the divorce is final?

hmmm..as a betrayer...he is going to have to believe it is safe to come home again. Have you done a good plan A?<P>If you were always fighting before, he may be seeing with the "calm" talk the "old you" the way you were before.<P>I guess what do *You* want?<P>Maybe he is feeling scared about he final divorce or the loss of your relationship.<P>I say keep the conversations safe, let him know how you feel, if you want the marriage and what you can do to "fix" it. <P>LOL or he could be feeling you "moving on" and it makes him wonder.<P>Heck I am not much help am I?<P>I guess it comes down to What do YOU want?<P><P>------------------<BR>Cat<P>catfrommb@yahoo.com

Tulip<P>I'm a straight forward person. I would talk to him very straight foreward about it. This would be my agenda.<P>Tell him that since you both enjoy being together when there are no arguements that you are wondering if this is the right time to finalize the D.<P>Tell him that if the two of you think it might be worth saving the marriage that you are willing to delay the D for 6 months.<P>During that 6 months you could test the marriage by living together to see if you want to finalize the D or cancel it.<P>This idea might not be anything you would consider. <P>That is the way I would do it for me.<P>Keo

Cat, <P>Thanks for the comments from a betrayer's end. Before he was so sure that he wanted this divorce but now he seems to be thinking a little differently.<P>I would love to save the marriage if at all possible. I would like to reconcile it before the divorce as we have both been married before (to each other). We got married too young. I was 16 and he was 18. We had the marriage annulled after a year, but have always stayed together. We got remarried 5 years ago. Hmmm....maybe three times a charm <P>I did show him my copy of "His Needs, Her Needs" this past weekend. He seems interested and even asked for the name of the book again before he left. Said he might go buy it. I hope so!<P><BR>Keo,<P>I think you are right. I have been pretty straighforward with him lately, but I think I will talk to him about putting the D on hold next time I see him. Thanks for the advice.

Tulip, <BR>it really does make a difference if he thinks you may understand the why's and becauses of the affair.<P>Until that point there is "no going back".<P>I do like Keos idea of just saying, hey I think we need to think about this a bit more..what do we have to lose?<P>Good luck!<P>Can you lend him your copy?<BR>

Cat, <P>I did offer to lend him my copy. He didn't say anything so I figured maybe he just wanted to get his own. I highlighted mine so I could point out things I felt needed inprovement. He did answer the "emotional needs questions." I guess maybe that's a good sign

It's strange in a way to see your topic, after posting to you from my own topic. <BR>My husband also says that he doesn't think I can change. That makes me feel so helpless and hopeless. How can you prove something you may not be given a chance to try? But I don't think he's playing games, he's probably as confused as we are. I think Keo has a good point there about postponing the divorce, at least if he agrees to that, that is a good sign! Take care.

My H. also says I can't change yet doesn't really say what he thinks needs to be changed and if he says anything at all it is vague or doesn't make sense or is just not true. I think that is a part of the MLC thing.<P>Unfortunately, he changed. He is exactly opposite of where he was. And he does not have a good memory of us, the children or our life. It is so weird.<P>I can't even talk to him about his needs her needs. I guess I'll hve to wait at least to the six month mark and see if he comes out of the fog alittle. <P>Tulip, you stated that you argues a lot. See we didn't argue. (not that that means anything.)<P>Catepillar, I am curious about the issues you wanted changed. What would they be. How would someone else meet those need better and for a longer time?????

Is12 & Tootrusting,<P>Thanks for your replies. My H has told me some of the things he wants me to change. Sex being one of them. That is impossible right now since he is not living at home. <P>Cat, I agree with Tootrusting. What can you tell us about the needs.