Well, I am currently trying a 180/Last Resort Technique in my marriage (if you can call it that). <P>After no contact for a week, my H called last night about 8pm. I have caller id so I chose to not answer the call. I ended up shaking like a leaf for 15 minutes afterwards!!! Anyway, it felt good to make that decision and take charge.<P>I shut off all of the lights and went to bed to read at 9pm. For some strange reason, at 9:30 I got up and looked out my front window to see headlights shining in front of my house. Yep! You guessed it! It was him. Even though he had his mailing address changed at the post office, he was getting into my mailbox. <P>Ironically enough, there was a manilla envelope in there addressed to him containing some financial information. He took it of course. <P>Anyway, as I was looking out the window, I saw him walk up the sidewalk and he went and looked into my daughter's bedroom window (she doesn't have a blind yet as it is a big, odd shaped window). <P>What do you guys make of this? HE is the one who has refused to work on the marriage. I think it just bugged him to think I might be avoiding his calls so he came by to see if I was home. <P>Anyway, since I am doing the 180/LRT thing, what should I do if he actually leaves a message next time (he didn't this time)? Do you think the 180/LRT thing could be working? <P>I don't want to LB by not calling him back, but I also don't want to let him mess with my head and set me back anymore. <P>Please advise......

Hi TB<P>What is the 180lrt thing? I have not heard of this>????<P>Is this ab mb principle?? <P>When I took charge like that, it felt good. Yes, you threw him for a loop. Unless he comes around like that anyway and you never noticed. It all depends on how bad you want to save the marriage .<P>Do what you need to for YOU , not any other reason, if he comes back in the process , thats great. Don't do things to play games though. I don't mean to say you are now, just be cautious.<P>Sure he left, but he'll have doubts!!! I would put something up on daughters windows, you being a single lady right now.<P>Prayers are out to you, ttys, Dana<BR>

Go to <A HREF="http://www.abwf.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.abwf.com</A> and order blinds for your daughter's (and any other rooms) you need. They are cheaper than anything you'll get in the store, they are custom made to fit ANY size window, and they are name brand (like Hunter Douglas). That'll nip that in the bud. Don't leave anything in the box for him, he's put in a change of address, you need to write "moved" on it and they'll forward it to him. <P>As to the rest, good for you! You can't be available at any time he feels like calling. Force him to communicate with you and make specific arrangements to see his daughter (and talk to her). If he isn't going to work on it, he can't have it his way either.<P>Good luck.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by teddy bear:<BR><B>Well, I am currently trying a 180/Last Resort Technique in my marriage (if you can call it that). <P>After no contact for a week, my H called last night about 8pm. I have caller id so I chose to not answer the call. I ended up shaking like a leaf for 15 minutes afterwards!!! Anyway, it felt good to make that decision and take charge.<P>I shut off all of the lights and went to bed to read at 9pm. For some strange reason, at 9:30 I got up and looked out my front window to see headlights shining in front of my house. Yep! You guessed it! It was him. Even though he had his mailing address changed at the post office, he was getting into my mailbox. <P>Ironically enough, there was a manilla envelope in there addressed to him containing some financial information. He took it of course. <P>Anyway, as I was looking out the window, I saw him walk up the sidewalk and he went and looked into my daughter's bedroom window (she doesn't have a blind yet as it is a big, odd shaped window). <P>What do you guys make of this? HE is the one who has refused to work on the marriage. I think it just bugged him to think I might be avoiding his calls so he came by to see if I was home. <P>Anyway, since I am doing the 180/LRT thing, what should I do if he actually leaves a message next time (he didn't this time)? Do you think the 180/LRT thing could be working? <P>I don't want to LB by not calling him back, but I also don't want to let him mess with my head and set me back anymore. <P>Please advise......</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

The 180/LRT is a Divorce Busting technique from a book that I read. It basically says if you see nothing you are doing is working, do a 180...go the opposite way of what they would expect. <P>The Last Resort Technique (LRT) takes it a step further and actually has you pretty much stop contact if you have been having contact with them in the past.<P>They say that sometimes they will basically realize what they have lost because you are not being the "marriage saver". They give an analogy to a teeter totter and the more one spouse tries to save a marriage, the less the other has to think about trying. I have seen that from first hand!<P>Anyway...what do you think about returning his call if he leaves a message? I don't want to play games, but I can't help but hope he is starting to miss me.<P>I don't want to LB, but I feel so much stronger when I don't give him the opportunity to mess with my head.

To SD:<P>Thanks for the great info! I will do it ASAP! Do you know if you can get a lock for your mailbox?<P>My D is actually his step-daughter. She is 6. He hasn't tried to have contact with her for 2 months now even though he says he loves her so much...as much as he would his own.<P>Anyway, the only reason the envelope was in there was because I was mailing it to him. I guess it is no biggie that he took it, but still... I will make sure I mail things from work now on.<P>I am going to that website now! Thanks!!

I think you are doing the correct thing. They say insanity is doing the same things over and over again EXPECTING different results! Do the 180/LR thing. As far as returning his call, if he is asking you a question then call back ONLY if he requests it. But don't call just to shoot the sh%t. Answer any questions NICELY of course and then end the conversation when you have answered what he asked.

Check this link to the Divorce Busting website:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.weiner-davis.com/index.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.weiner-davis.com/index.html</A> <P>While the DB techniques are not identical to MB, they are compatible. Harley's methods require a degree of co-operation from both spouses. The DB techniques are particularly good when one spouse won't co-operate.

T24G - Thanks for the pick me up! I need all I can get sometimes. Some days it is hard to do it, but I am trying...<P>Kenneth - I have read the book Divorce Busting and go to the site sometimes. Their discussion boards aren't as helpful as MB for some reason. I am currently using the 180/Last Resort Technique that she describes in her book. Sometimes I just wonder if it is working.<P>I need patience SO BAD! He didn't call last night. He's probably mad. He gets mad really easy now. I have seen from past periods of no contact that he tends to get depressed when reality hits him. <P>The set of parents that actually "like" me will be up this weekend to try to talk some sense into him. I am not too hopeful, but could you guys keep me in your prayers?<P>My daughter is having an especially hard time today. She didn't even want to go to school. She doesn't understand why he doesn't want to be with us and I have a hard time explaining it since I don't understand either.<P>How can a guy say they love you, but aren't sure they are "in love" with you...and still want to be "friends" and "sex buddies"? He proclaims how attracted to me he is almost every time I see him. Isn't that all part of being "in love". <P>The hardest thing is that there is no OP to blame it on anymore. <P>Please help me pray for patience!

Well, I'm almost out of here for the weekend! I will update you all on my soap opera saga on Monday. I really wish I had a computer at home. Oh well...<P>Anyway, I hope you all have a GREAT weekend! Be thankful it probably isn't snowing where you are like it is here in Idaho!<P>

Update...<P>Well, he called again at 10pm on Friday night. (It was on my caller id) I, of course, wasn't home because I have better things to do than wait for the phone to ring.<P>Do you guys think this means something? <P>Also, I got the blind hung up. Went to Home Depot and had a friend help me hang it. It felt so good to take care of that.<P>Again...what do you make of his behavior? He calls but doesn't leave a message. What's up with that???? Is this a positive sign?

Another update...<P>Well, he called again last night. I finally picked up the phone. He seemed really nice and happy to hear my voice. Anyway, the reason he said he called was because he wanted to have my daughter over night sometime this week.<P>I was then forced to explain to him that Alyssa's dad doesn't want her to have any contact with him. She has been having awful dreams about him killing us for the past month. She doesn't really think he will hurt us, but she is very upset about him leaving. <P>He, of course, was not happy with this news. I tried hard not to LB and to explain to him that I was between a rock and a hard place. Eric IS her DAD and he has a say in who she spends time with. Especially if my H is CHOOSING not to stick around and NOT to work on the relationship. <P>Anyway, I guess I am confused. I was hoping the 180/LRT thing would start working. Maybe it is, but the steps are BABY steps if anything. <P>I know that him calling last Friday at 10pm certainly wasn't to talk to her since she is only 6 and would've been in bed. I was hoping that he actually wanted to talk to ME when he called.<P>Anyway, maybe I am just a complete idiot! I feel so stupid and alone sometimes. <P>Does anybody have any advice??? <P>Is there even the slightest possibility that the ONLY reason he called WASN'T because of her? Maybe he wanted to talk to me too???<P>I feel like such a needy idiot sometimes.<P>P.S. There is STILL not an OW (supposedly).