Well, everyone, I finally hit the end of my rope on Sunday. My W and I had a great time on Saturday night. We went out for dinner and drinks and watched the basketball games. She had to work on Sunday. When she got home she couldn't even look me in the eye. I knew she had talked to the OM. <P>I found another phone card in her favorite hiding place on Wednesday morning. The first one in a couple of weeks. She had used a $20 phone card by Saturday morning (I would call the number a couple of times a day and track the amount of minutes used). Then when she came home on Sunday, she was taking a nap. So, I checked the hiding place again and there was a fresh one. Used once on Sunday. I couldn't hardly stand it! By the time she woke up from her nap I was an emotional wreck. I asked her if she had talked to the OM. She said yes, that was the first time in over 3 weeks. She got very defensive and said she was going to tell me about it but I hadn't given her a chance too. A lie right to my face!!! I asked her if she had bought another phone card, she denied it. She said she had not bought one since before "discovery day" on Feb. 13. I said I knew she was using one and then she changed the story that that was an old one from before. She said she was using it to call me from work because her boss was on everyone's case for making personal calls from work. Granted, she did use the phone card to call me twice, once on Thursday and again on Friday for a total of $3. <P>By this time I was ready to explode. I asked her once again if she had talked to the OM early in the week (I asked very calmly), of course she denied it again. She swore to me that she had not talked to the OM and she was not using phone cards.<P>Finally, I just plain lost it!!!!!! I went flying down the stairs, got the phone card out and asked her what this was. Of course another lie was coming. She said that was the old phone card. However I knew better. That's when I told her that I knew about her hiding place and had been tracking her cards. I showed her my piece of paper where I had kept track of the old card. She just kept denying everthing! When I said let's dial the number and see just how "used" this card was, she began crying. She started apologizing and crying even harder. She said she wanted a relationship with the OM and she could not stay away from him. <P>She told me that HE has tried to push her away many times, but she is the one that is constantly pursuing him. I don't believe he is pushing her away very hard, just enough to make her want him more! Anyway, I started crying and I finally had to get some fresh air. I went for a walk. When I came back she was still crying. She had found a first draft of a Plan B letter I had written. She asked me if I was planning on giving this to her. I told her that I was considering that as my next option. She broke down again and gave me a big hug and told me how confused she was, sorry for hurting me, etc... We sat on the couch for the rest of the evening, holding hands and crying back and forth. There was some minor conversation, but no major issues.<P>I'm sure this would be considered a MAJOR LB! But let me tell you...I felt sooooooo good afterwards. I felt like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I am no longer going to live a lie and pretend like I don't know what's going on. Today was the best day at work I have had in over 5 months!!!! She has been very apologetic today. When I got home she was very nice to me. Made me dinner, offered to clean up afterwards (which I had been doing both everyday as part of my plan A).<P>I'm sure her range of emotions will change to anger eventually. We'll see what happens.<P>I never said anything bad towards her...just confronted her with the truth (sometimes yelling). I told her I needed to be respected and that all the sneaking around was killing me emotitionally. I have an appt. to see a couselor tomorrow.<P>Wish me luck and pray for me that my LB (????) did not set me back any!!!!<P>Doug<BR>

Doug,<P>I pray it doesn't...<BR>I also pray for good counseling for you!<P>Any chance of the counseling being for both of you?<P> <P>Jim

Well....so far, so good!!!!<P>Actually, I think that Suday was rock bottom for both of us! Things seem better. Or maybe it's just that now that I blew off a little steam, I feel better.<P>I went to the counselor yesterday. She was very helpful. I feel much better. I got a lot of things off my chest and she gave me a lot of things to think about. When I got home, my W and I talked about some things that I discussed with the counselor. That was the best conversation we have had in years!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a very calm conversation. My W was very understanding and she actually opened up to me. She was volunteering information to me! I was almost in shock. We talked for 2 hours and I think there was some real progress made.<P>She went to the counselor today. She said they talked some more about the stuff we had discussed last night. <P>The counselor had never heard of MB, but a lot of things she said sounded a lot like MB principles that I have read here and in the books (thank goodness for that!!!)<P>The counselor asked me about joint sessions. I told her honestly that until my W can commit to the marriage, I didn't think it would do a bit of good, and she agreed. So, for now, we are doing individual counseling and we'll see where that goes!<P>Pray for me!<P>Doug<BR>