I was married just 4 months ago to my boyfriend of 5.5 years. My H began an emotional affair 1 month after we got married with a co-worker. He told me about it five weeks ago(after my suspicions from his secretive actions). We started therapy because he thinks that things must be wrong with us for him to look elsewhere. Things were going downhill, then after taking a 4-day break from each other about 3 weeks ago, he seemed like he knew he wanted things to work out with me. Then this past weekend he said he is feeling empty inside and does not think he is "in-love" with me. I asked if it is because of "her". He said he didn't know, but it might be. He has not had contact with her, except for seeing her last week at work--although he will not have the opportunity to see her ever again (this may have brought on the feeling of emptiness again). Overall, he thinks he's tried hard within his own head to rekindle the love he felt for me and he seems to think things are just not working out. We are going to a different therapist tomorrow. Any suggestions on what my actions may be??

Hi Cashew,<P>Sounds like him seeing her last weekend put things at ground zero. If he is faced with the fact that he will never see her again then maybe withdrawal will take a little longer. I would just hang in there. Its good that you are both going to see therapists soon, but why not go to the same one for marriage counseling?<P>Just show him that you love and care for him. There has to be something there after knowing him as long as you have before the marriage. I am sure he was not forced to marry you. I am sure he loved you when he said "I do". <P>Good Luck Cashew<P>Pam

Welcome <B>cashew</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>For some clarity... a while ago... the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Just+found+out...&number=29&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Just found out...</A>...for those new the forum... pre/post "discovery" of an affair or possible affair.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Plan+A/Plan+B&number=30&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Plan A/Plan B</A>...usually after "discovery of the affair"...for those with questions of "what to do now?"<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=In+recovery&number=31&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>In recovery</A>...when a commitment to work on marriage by both spouses has begun.<BR>We are being asked to post the forums that make the most sense with respect to our questions/vents and not just dump everything into the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum because it will give you the most responses! <P>---------------------------------------------<P>Now for your post...<P>I saw your other post too...<BR>If you think the therapist isn't going to follow the MB concepts... call tomorrow and cancel!... Explain it to him... Let him know you're not chickening out!!! Tell him you've found this new site... the "Marriage Builders" site... the name should sound good to him!<P>If he is interested... direct him here!<P>Do follow all the links on my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A> post...<P>Especially... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... this is what you must start on!<P>Keep posting here... <BR>You and your husband <B>are not alone</B>!<P>Jim