I am thinking of giving up my dream of becoming an RN to spend more time with H. Is it worth it after all the pain and ---- I have been through! And then there are no Guaratees that he will stay with me. Ow lives in another state, she has children in school, I am worried that after the school year she will move here.You what really irritates me, is that H and OW can talk all they want to about me, but I cant talk about OW or confront H about speaking to OW on the internet, it burns me to think that OW is closer emotionally to H than I can be.Sorry about all the complaining, it just helps to get this off my chest. WILL THE SADNESS, ANGER,AND ANXIETY EVER END!P.S. I am already medicated to the max. My prayers to all the betrayed and the wayward also.bethn<P>------------------<BR>

I know what you are going through. My H likes to talk and meet women from the internet also. He justifies it because I am busy on the weekends with the kids and Church. He feels that there is no time for him in my life. Some questions to ask:<BR>Does he approve of you becoming an RN?<BR>Is the OW married? <BR>Why do you think she will move close to your family? Is her job a mobile one?<BR>Have you discussed your feelings with your H?<BR>How about his emotional and sexual needs?<P>I found that once I confronted my H and really sat down and discussed our situation, our relationship improved. Communication really is the key to success. Don't get me wrong though, you've got a long road ahead of you (as I do).<P>One of the members on this site, "NSR" gave me a couple of web pages devoted to adultery. You might try looking into this particular one: <A HREF="http://www.probe.org/docs/adultery.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.probe.org/docs/adultery.html</A> <P>I found it extremely useful in understanding the priorities between a husband and wife.<BR>

Bethn....<P>My heart skipped a beat when I read your post. Thought you were my wife. She is two months from graduating from RN school...so I know she has no time to be even posting here.<P><BR>You can lash out at me if you want....I've done something similar...met someone on the internet...and it went much further than we ever thought it could. <P>I am sorry....please don't give up. I'm not sure I know what to say...to you. IF you have any questions to ask me, I will be glad to answer them.

Hi Bethn,<P>At least you found out soon of his internet affair. Looks like time may be on your side here. If you are afraid other woman is going to move here then you have to show your H just how wonderful you are. You should have him read some of the stuff on here as well as books people have suggested. <P>I know about this because this is how my H met OW. When he told me about the affair I sure was devasted, but we decided to try and work it out. OH BOY! I had no idea OW moved to our town. I thought I was safe because she lived so far away. I did not find this out until a year later. If I would have known my competition was so close I would have acted differently as far as saving my marriage. He is back with her for the second time now, but he wants to come home again.<P>It is so easy to fall for someone on the internet. I know because I have talked to men and they all sound nice. When my H started chatting with her he was mad at me and must have been telling her all about me. I am sure he told her of his emotional needs without ever telling me about them. She learned what he wanted and then she came in for the kill. Your H needs to be aware of this. <P>As far as your schooling goes you have to decide on what is important now and I assume its your marriage. Its a shame to have to stall on schooling. Are you in school now? I know that I need to get a full time job no matter what happens here, but I can't because I need the time and energy to try and save my marriage.<P>It's painful, I know, but if you love your h and see a future together it might be worth the sacrifice.<P>Does he just talk to her online now? Has he ever met her?<P>Good luck and keep us posted. <P>Pam

Dear Toots thank you for responding. I am short on time right now and a slow typer,but I will try to answer some of your questions.H approved of me becoming a L.P.N.,but never told me about not wanting me to go for RN.OW is getting a divorce.OW's parents live somewhere in my state.H says if he asks her to move down she would.OW is a cashier,(H says, if you can believe anything he says.)I am trying to meet emotional needs, H says that is friendship, someone to hang with.H will have sex with me, but since EA only if I initiate it.Got to get some sleep,I will only get about 4 hours.I am so grateful for people to share with I not the only person in the world with this problem.THanks Toots again.bethntRayamUOTE]Originally posted by toots_007:<BR><B>I know what you are going through. My H likes to talk and meet women from the internet also. He justifies it because I am busy on the weekends with the kids and Church. He feels that there is no time for him in my life. Some questions to ask:<BR>Does he approve of you becoming an RN?<BR>Is the OW married? <BR>Why do you think she will move close to your family? Is her job a mobile one?<BR>Have you discussed your feelings with your H?<BR>How about his emotional and sexual needs?<P>I found that once I confronted my H and really sat down and discussed our situation, our relationship improved. Communication really is the key to success. Don't get me wrong though, you've got a long road ahead of you (as I do).<P>One of the members on this site, "NSR" gave me a couple of web pages devoted to adultery. You might try looking into this particular one: <A HREF="http://www.probe.org/docs/adultery.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.probe.org/docs/adultery.html</A> <P>I found it extremely useful in understanding the priorities between a husband and wife.</B>[/QUOTE]<P><P>------------------<BR>

Beth—<P>In thinking about your situation, my humble opinion would be for you to finish school. Just a few more months to go. Becoming an RN is only going to help you, be that in your marriage or going your separate way. Your H is having an EA, at the very least. I’d venture a guess that it’s become physical since OW is considering moving closer. Now while I hope everything DOES work out between you and H, isn’t it smart to be prepared just in case?<P>I’m not meaning to hurt you, or make you worry even more. You’re already stressed to the max, and no wonder with all that’s on your plate right now. <P>I’d suggest a confiding talk with your kids. Tell them dad is feeling a little neglected, you’re a walking zombie, and you know they are feeling the weight of the situation too…BUT you’d like to ask their help in covering more of the chores during the countdown of the next few months. See if you can assign any more responsibilities to them that may free you up for more time with H. Tell them they are true gems and how very much you appreciate them.<P>You’re going to become Compliment Clara to get your family’s help for the rest of the year.<P>Do little things for H—love notes, massages (even if not very long), gentle/non-threatening talk about positive things…and praise him to the max for ANY little bitty, tiny thing he does to help. Make him feel like a greek god. He will be distrustful at first if this is a big change, but he’ll like it. You may be able to slowly usurp some of the attachment he now feels for OW. Find time to be creative in the bedroom, even if it’s planned carefully into that tight schedule and awaited for several days. Make it a teasy, fun little game with him. But wait…thoughts of him arouse you SO much, how about a quickie?? Put him off balance with exciting, positive changes in you.<P>I know all this will be hard. What a horrible crunch time for you! But you can do it. You’re strong and doing what’s best for yourself AND your family. You WILL make it! Keep us posted.<BR>