Guess who I say driving around today! My H is Ow's car. Anyway, I believe it is time to move to plan B. My attorney says to cut off all contact with H. So I am. Due to this, there will be no plan B letter <P>Since my divorce is final next month my H will probably stay upset with me. My attorney says that I need to protect myself and the children financially. I tend to agree. My H has pulled so many awful things out of his sleeve. This includes many that deal with the children. He just continues to lie and manipulate all of us. <P>Ok, now for my questions <P>1.) H wants to settle out of court. Is <BR> this a ploy to get him out of the mess <BR> he is in and still be able to keep OW?<P>2.) Will the "no contact" thing work good <BR> without a plan B letter? <P>3.) After the divorce is final, is there any<BR> hope of reconciling? My attorney says<BR> that once my children are protected<BR> financially through court, then maybe <BR> check on counseling. <P>I truely hate for this to be such a LB, but this man has managed to escape childsupport or support of any kind for almost 8 months. I'm afraid if I don't go ahead with this I will never receive help of any kind. I have continued to be nice even though he has helped out so little. I will probably be here a lot since I'm going to need lots of support!

One other question Boy, am I full of questions!<P>Is it unusual for a WS to try and cover up and settle out of court just to get through the divorce and then resume the affair?<P>I know this is similar to question #1, but I haven't seen many posts about whether this is a common tactic.

Tulip,<P>My H suggested working things out between us with one attorney. I was going to do it, but every time I brought up going over bills, taxes, etc. he wouldn't do it. Now I had no choice but to get my own attorney and take him to court. He stopped giving me money because I wouldn't give in to his every whim. I have filed for divorce and will have a hearing in April. I only did this to protect myself and my kids financially. It was the only way I could get him ordered to pay child support. <P>It's getting really nasty and I'm sort of in a PlanB but with no letter. I have no contact with him. He tried to call but I won't answer the phone. <P>Good luck and do what you need to to protect you and the kids.<BR>Mitzi

Tulip,<P>I'm sorry you are going through this! <P>I sometimes think that "settling things nicely" is their way of manipulating us. We think that if we are nice...they will come back. I'm not sure if that would be true or not, but you have to look out for you & your children!<P>LB or not, if the divorce is to be final soon...do what is right for you. Keep praying and avoid all other LB's, but don't let him take you to the cleaners!<P>TB

Mitzi,<P>Thanks for your reply. It seems like you and I are in similar situations. My H called 3 times last night, but I wasn't home to answer the phone. Well, I wouldn't have answered even if I was home <P>I have tried to plan A and be nice, but does he even ask if we need any help with bills, etc? NO! I have tried to discuss taxes with him but never get an answer about that either. I finally decided to file seperately. <P>I know what you mean about giving into his every whim! Mine has given me a total of about $900 in 8 months! The last time I got any money was about 4 months ago. He feels as long as he doesn't live in the same house as me, he is not obligated to pay me anything! My attorney says it doesn't work that way. I hate to feel like I'm going for blood, but he hasn't really left me much of a choice. <P>I have filed things with the court and he was ordered to pay certain things but has yet to come through. Claims he is broke all the time but buys all sorts of new toys. It is so sad when I man cares more about his own needs than that of his children's needs.<P>Good luck to you, too. I think we both need all the luck we can get! Take care.

I do think they want to settle out of court as a way to manipulate what they want to pay as far as childsupport. And some agree thinking that if we play nice it will help the relationship. That usually bombs big time for the betrayed! As far as your children are concerned it should definitely be handled legally. H has shown how nice he can be, by doing all of the hurtful things that he has pulled. Now it is time to use the legal system so that your emotional side won't get in the way for the future of your kids welfare.

TB,<P>Thanks. I'm pretty sure I have the upper hand in this divorce. I think my H knows that too since he wants to settle. Of course, he wants to settle on his terms only. Which I am not going to do. He is being such a pain about everything.<P>Things could be so much easier if these WS would wake up and smell the coffee! Thanks for your support. Hope things are going better on your end.<P>Tulip

Trying2_4give,<P>Thanks for your reply. Luckily, I live in a state where there is no bargaining about child support. It is completely figured by his income and he has no say in it! Until the divorce is final, he can continue to play games. <P>I think it is time he started taking care of his children. Ow has had all of his money for 8 months. She has also paid no child support to her children! It is always the children that suffer so bad!<P>Tulip