Hi everyone,<P>Yesterday, Gina called about 8:30am and told me Sara would be getting off the bus at my house after school and that I may as well pick up Abby & Brooke from daycare as they were going to busy and she would pick them up some time later that evening. This of course is fine with me.<P>The question:<BR>After Sara got home we were working on her homework for about a half hour when she said out the the blue...Jack you know I really feel good and happy when I'm here with you and I don't when I have to leave with Mom. I told her I was glad she felt that way but in time she will adjust to being with him. That said we when went on with her homework. Then a few minutes later she asks me if it is lying to keep quit about what OP says to her and Abby and Brooke, Sara said that Mom(Gina) said not to tell anyone. I told Sara that if something was wrong she tell me or her grandmother regardless of what your mother says. <P>Sara then told me that OP always yells at them and calls them "stupid" and "Dumb" and other bad words, says that he is going to scrach them(she made a hand gesture) and to get into their room and never come out, I'm so scared of him.<P>We went across the street and told her grandmother, who went thru the ceiling & I not sure what she is going to do next. For me I feel like...<P>What do other parents think of this treatment to children?<P>Thanks<BR>Jack<BR>My prayers to all

Jack,<P>You did the right thing by telling grandmother. IMHO protecting kids is not a LB. I personally, that is if I believed D was telling 100% truth would not only confront W but OM as well, then I would cal DSS and see about getting sole custody and supervised for me STBX. Either that or beat the **** out of OM. This may not be the opinion of others here but this is me as a dad talking, and my Abigail would never be put in that position again. The more I type the angrier I get. OM deserves to be beat fistly about the facial area, but of cource <B>DO NOT</B> do that.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hi Jack! <P>I'm glad to see you posting again! I'm also glad Gina is still letting you see the girls. She sounds like she can't make up her mind.<P>It sounds to me like he is verbally abusing the girls. And Gina doesn't want anyone to know about it. It's good that you let their grandmother know about it. Maybe she can talk to Gina or do anything else she feels is necessary. I doubt the OM was prepared for a ready-made family.<P>You take care and keep being good to those girls!<P>Mitzi

Jack,<P>Since you and Gina aren't married...<BR>...and I take it you are still hoping to get back together with her...<BR>(How about the status of her pregnancy?...)<P>...you do have to tread lightly!<P>I'd think (to avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busting</A> with Gina... that Sara explain the situation to her(Sara's) grandmother... and see if her grandmother will seek out child protective services help!<P>Emotional and physical abuse can't be tolerated!<P>I'm praying for all here... <P>Jim

Bill, Mitzi & Jim,<P>Thanks for the replies. My first thought was to perform some civil disobedience on this guy but that is not going to solve the problem. I am hoping that Gina's Mom is going to do something. Yes Gina is pregnant and I hope she will come back one day. I have talked to my lawyer, but it is a waiting game as there is nothing that can be done until the child is born, If it turns out to my child then I will be going for full custody. <BR>What Sara told us last night explains alot of things on how the girls have been acting and why they never want to go with Gina. I just pray that he never lays one hand on those girls, this is bad enough, but that would be unforgivable.<P>My prayer to all and Thanks<BR>Jack

What a sad, sad state when a parent actually tells her child to be quiet about something that she knows is so harmful. She must be pretty wrapped up in herself right now to not see the damage this could cause. <P>Between the new affair and her pregnancy, she most likely isn't thinking as straight as she could/should be. Do you know her as someone who is usually very in tune with the emotions and well being of her children outside of these things? Just curious.<P>Please be careful to explain to Sara the reason that you spoke with her grandmother and the reasons you may proceed further - she needs to see you as someone she can count on and not feel "punished" from any angle for having told you (ie. by her mother). She needs to know that her mother may respond with anger/disappointment towards her but that in the end, you will do everything in your power to help make things right - that she did a good thing by telling you. <P>If I recall, Sara's mom once cut off all ties with her own mother because she didn't like what she heard - this could really be a negative for the kids under the circumstances. I do not always put a ton of faith in child protection services. I am not saying do not act but please tread carefully (begin with the end in mind)!<P>Best thoughts and hugs to those kids.<P>Lisa

You did the right thing to tell grandmother. I am not sure I would have stopped there. Our boys mean the world to me. I cringe when she is out of line with them particularly when she fails to see that they are exhibiting behavior that she chastises them about.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

My thoughts on this:<P>You might have gone to Gina with this information before going to others, giving her the opportunity to either admit or deny these events. It is not uncommon for children to play one parent against the other by painting a bad picture. I am not saying that what you were told is not possible, it's also possible things are exaggerated. By going to her grandmother before going to Gina, you have created a difficult situation and placed Gina on the defensive.<P>I would NOT go to CPS until I had spoken with Gina. You might start rolling a ball that you cannot catch. And this could result in children ending up in the care of neither of you.<P>Talk to her mother first - if you don't get the answers you need to hear, proceed accordingly.

Update everyone,<P>Just wanted everyone to know that both Sara and myself went over to her grandmothers last night and I had Sara tell her the same things that she had just told me. Her grandmother & I told her she was right in telling us and that if her mother told her to keep anything else a secret then she should also tell us that. <P>The update:<BR>Someone had reported Gina to DHR some time ago, we are not sure who did this or when or why. I went home for lunch today and saw Gina's Dad, seems he came home early today & found Gina & the girls at their home with the man from DHR just leaving the driveway. Seems Gina had to meet with them & did so there instead of where is is really living. Her Dad is very upset about this & the lies she keep telling everyone, he is afriad that if she keeps it up she is going to loose the girls. He also told me that they are going to try and talk Gina into signing over custody of the girls to them. They are so worried about the girls.<P>Prayers and thinks to all<BR>Jack

I am going through this with my stbx....only thing it is their own dad doing and saying bad things to them.<P>Tread lightly......my girls are not believed and he just loves it and continues to hurt them physically and emotionally.<P>Not much can be done. I am losing custody because know one believes this is happening.....the evaluators just can't believe a father would do these things....so we are making them up.<P>Good luck.<BR>At least she can come to you and trust you.<P>Nancy

Jack,<P>I think you did the right thing with the girls. I am disgusted at this just hearing it because I have 3 daughters of my own. I believe in trusting what the children say with all my heart, so when they are older, they always know who they can turn to.<P>I hope they will be safe and I am really mad about this "scratching" threat. I would definetly keep a journal of it all , as well as any marks at all you see on the children. Even a bruise, ask about it, log it in and keep track. I am a registered day care provider and my logs helped save a little girl from being repeatedly abused physically and sexually once. I suspected it when she was younger but no one believed her, she was a talkative 2 year old. Throught the the year and a half, I documented it all and it wound up in court. Save every little detail they tell you. <P>Good luck and my prayers are with you. Dana<BR>