mercy...<P>Can you explain some of what you said? I feel like what you said in your response earlier. "I know that I will suffer such emotional distress I will be posting every minute to keep from falling off the deep end! " It sounds like you are trying to work it out with your H. True? What made you try and change to make your marriage survive? <P>Your statements:<P>"I am not sure what you can do to help her stop seeing OM. perhaps time."<P>How much? Who knows? Do you really feel that it will end eventually?<P>"I would give her space, she needs to feel safe with you before she can come back to you."<P>How much space? Meaning don't call her at work or anything? Or maybe call just to see how she is and tell her I love her? <P> I am/was lost. Everything I liked and admired about myself is gone.<P>"I cannot accept the love that my H gives me. I cannot hug, kiss,hold nor comfort him. I know that he needs that."<P>My W was not at that point Mon/Tues but the first time we made love on Mon she cried for a second and I asked what was wrong and she said she was mad at herself not me. What was she meaning?<BR>But she was like that in the begining and then opened up little by little. The thing is now I think she will probably be back to your way more.<BR>Does your H ask for a hug or kiss and if so does that annoy you? I am always trying to get close to my wife when she is around, do you think it puts too much pressure on her? I notice that she is not all there with me, is the OM? And if so, do you think she is like she is with me to the OM too?<P>"For me, I am having to move. If we stay here, I will go back. OM is like a craving I cannot satisfy unless I see him. I try to think of ways everyday to see him. I havn't figured it out yet."<P>Is the move one to help save your marriage? I keep hearing that OP are "like a drug" addictive, "living in a fantasy world" Is it really that strong? Is the OM on ones mind that much? Do you feel more alive again, and more yourself? Free to do whatever, whenever ,without having to answer to anyone? <P>"I am scared to move. I will have to say goodby to my addiction, that is how i see myself, addicted to OM. <P>Same as above, explain if at all possible?<P>Mercy,<P>I just want to tell you how grateful I am to have you responding to me. I am consumed by each minute of every day by all of this. I feel so lost, alone, scared, out of my mind!<P>Thanks in advance<P>

truthfully, if i did not have 5 children, i would not be here. I feel such responsibilty towards giving my children a father(i don't have one). Sometimes I do want to work on it because I do remember our early love and the good times. I sometimes do want to recapture those past feelings. (I have to admit that i am a bit scared to be on my own)<P>I read in the Plan A that 6 months is a good time frame. Yes, I do think it will end eventually, I read in "torn asunder" that if a person doesn't fix what was wrong in the first relationship, they will bring those problems into the next and next ect. Besides, all newness wears off. <P>I mean by space is don't call her at work just to say I love you. If you do call have a legitamate reason and then feel free to say I love you, but assure her that she doesn't have to respond unless she wants to. Try to make it so your relationship is not familiar, do you understand what i mean by familiar? All the HON'S, and the constant I love you's,(use it sparingly, because sometimes it does help to know you are loved despite what you have done) <P>In making love, she may have had feelings that came to the surface such as guilt, shame, and feeling sorry for the pain she has caused. She may have been upset with herself for giving in to her confused feelings for you.<P>Any quests for affection greatly annoy me. I feel yucky when he touches me(that may reflect from earlier sexaul problems from him) I feel like he is pushing me to feel for him again. And when he cries because he hurts so bad, I really do not feel remorse. I am so bad. At times, I am reflecting on converstations that me and OM had or reflecting on the relationship we have. Sometimes I am not able to concentrate on anything for very long. My mind is a very busy place.<P>For me, the reason the OM is such an addiction is because the physical side of the relationship was SOOO PASSIONATE! Very intimate, being held, being soothed, he took the time for ME not just himself. It was unlike any lovemaking I had ever experienced. It was like the icing on the cake. For me It was WOW!. So the addiction to go back for more is definetly hard to resist.<P>We are moving 120 miles away. The main reason is to try and salvage this (farce of) marriage. Perhaps the NO CONTACT rule will be much easier to abide by. Then, I can focus on my marriage. (Another reason is becasue i am in college for pre-vet and it is a good college for this program. )<P>I am not the same with OM as with my H. I feel happy and free. I can express most anything to him. But he has never hurt me like my H either.(YET) <P>I think about OM all the time. Every waking moment that i am not busy. I know his schedule and i know it well. I know what he is doing most of the time. I have to drive by his house EVERYDAY to get into town to take my girls to school. (no there is not any other way to go) I relive US everyday when I pass that house.<P>When I started losing weight, I cut out my addiction of caffine. I quit drinking pop. I started slowly but I got headaches and cravings that would not quit until I had that pepsi. It was awful. That is how it is with OM. I get sad and pissed off and don't feel good until I talk to him again. It is like a HIGH, I am up when i am talking to him and I am down when i am around my H. Weird, but true. <P>Does this make any sense now? I am not always good at explaining things but I could Show you how it is done. Do you understand that concept? <P>I think of this daily. I know that my H is NOT aware of how deep this is going. I guess in a sense I feel like a drowning person, going under more and more everyday, until the OM comes along to help me. What I have to do is let that resuer be my H. <P>As I was writing the space part, didn't I read that she is going to look for an apt monday? This may help being away. Since you have children, she will see them, correct? When you see her perhaps remind her, she is still loved and when she is ready to make a decision, you will be here for her. <P>Is this better? I hope so. At times when I write these posts, i get emotionally tied up inside and my writing is erratic! <P>Did you ever see Fantasy Island? I loved the show! Everyone has a fantasy and if it is lived out, one will see that it must come to an end, just like the show. If us betrayers could go to Fantasy Island and see beforehand the damage and see that all fantasies must end, we probably would figure out ways to solve our problems before they get out of hand.<P>Mercy<P>