Give space, give space, give space!!!!!<P>It is so difficult. I guess the thing to do is to detach. Does that make sense. In some ways it's kind of drilling yourself that this is NOT about you it's about THEM.<P>I did that with my H. It means NOT letting my mind wander. To do that I have had to vent almost constantly to a good friend here while we walked and to his mom if you can believe that. (my mom and dad are not living. His mom told me to think of her as my mom)<P>Sometimes early on I would kneel and pray it seemed like every other minute just to keep my mind from wandering to what "they" were doing or thinking or laughing about or talking about!!!!!!!!<P>Believe me it is NOT easy. I feel so offended some times. In fact tonight I have been wandering around the house and in every drawer I see him, his stuff. He has left almost all of it.<P>I think to myself, how can a human being possibly walk away from every detail of their life. How can a human being walk away from every good memory.<P>My H did not hug me at first either. Then he would occasionally hug me but it seemed fake. Now the last two times he hugged me it was for about 10 minutes. I just let him "be"!!! I said nothing. I just hugged back. Now today, it was a nice hug but short. I think he needed to distance himself again. But I demand NOTHING!!!!!<P><BR>I just give, give, give, . It is a lonely existance. But I get the hugs from my kids.]<P>The eye contact just improved. Last night he looked at me for a whole minute and even got misty eyed. His eyes looked like the eyes I've looked at for 13 years, not the "possessed" eyes that I've seen since nov.<P>I do not think I am over this by a long shot. I still have to figure out what the heck is really going on here. I may be viewing a MLC also. So it could take awhile longer.<P>Plus, I think he has to figure out what is gong on. I think he is depressed and will not admit it. He is in counseling but has yet to tell the counselor some important details that I think are soooooooo telling.<P>I have read over and over Patience!!!! Patience!!!!!! that is hard to do also.. I guess I can hang in there. I worry about my kids. They are losing time they will not get back. My 11 year old is depressed and is in counseling. <P>This has been a shock for them as well. He was a very devoted dad and now seems to have little tolerance for them. Like I said, I think there is more going on here with him.<P>But I love him unconditionally. I have no choice but to accept what happens. I can't control it. I wish I could , believe me. <P>I keep coming here for sustenance and wisdom and venting !!!! YOu will to and you will be stronger for it no matter what. You will learn a lot about yourself. <P><BR>Look at a reply from Cossie to Amy on Feb 20, 1999 in a post 1st timer, desparate for help. I copied it and reread it to make myself feel better. Some other helpful posts for me are March 2 Roller coaster (cossie) and March 5th Emotional needs vs. wants (HGBrawner)<P>Believe me, I felt that when my husband picked up my hand (like he had done for the previous 13 years) or kissed me, or told me he loved me that he was betraying her. It is truly a slap in the face. <P>But I think you really have to look at it for what it is (an addiction, or a sickness or a fantasy) while still realizing that you may not have been meeting some needs that made your relationship susceptable to an affair. <P>Have you read some of the MB books??? They are very helpful. I was clueless about protecting your love bank. Actually, I wasn't so clueless, I think my h was though. And I totally underestimated the damage that could be done, while I was inocently at home tending to hearth and kids. Keep posting and asking........ I learn even when I answer...
