Yesterday while I was out running errands I saw my H with OW driving in his truck. Of course, I looked to make sure it was really the ow. Other than that, I didn't contact my H or anything.<P>After I returned home, I had a message on my answering machine from my H. He explained that they were going to a job site and I could call so-and-so at the job site and verify that that is what they were doing. I didn't call and check even though this is what he offered. He said he thought he should explain since I gave him a eat s**t and die look. If I had any questions I should call him back.<P>I did call him on his cell phone so he wouldn't think I was angry with him. If there was any look given by me it was not intentional. He didn't answer his cell phone so I didn't call anymore. Several hours later, I received a call from him asking if I got his message. I was very calm and told him I did. He asked if I called to check about why she was with him. I told him that I had not called and was not planning on it. I did ask him why she couldn't take her own car. He said it didn't seem logical since they were going to the same place. I told him very nicely that under the circumstances that it was probably not all the logical (especially legally) to be seen anywhere with her. He replied with "you know me. If I'm at work, that is all I am concerned with. Perhaps my statement was a LB but I felt it necessary to say. <P>Anyway, we spoke briefly whether he had decided if he wanted to work on the marriage or not. I didn't really get an answer as he was still at work and didn't really want to discuss that right then. He then spoke with the children for a few minutes and that was it.<P>He has never tried to call and explain anything before. Has always said I have nothing to prove to you, blah, blah, blah. Is this normal behavior for someone who is feeling a little guilty? Or is interested in working on the marriage? <P>Sorry this is so long. I thought maybe you betrayers could shed a little more light on my H's crazy actions. I guess I just have a hard time understanding the things that he does. Thanks for any comments and ideas in advance. <P>Tulip

That must've been hard to see Tulip!<P>{{{{{Tulip}}}}}<P>Hang in there and be strong! No LB's! <P>TB

tb,<P>Thanks. I needed that! It was hard to see, but the less he gets a rise out of me the better. <P>How are things going with you? I things are getting better.<P>Tulip

Tulip,<P>I know how you feel and wonder also. My H has been caught with OP by her H a week ago at night. It's bad enough they spend all day together, but now they are going places at night to "talk". <P>My H called me also to try to deny any wrongdoing. HE said a few things that made me wonder about the guilt. He still seems to like the "badness" of the situation. He's never done anything "wrong" in his life.<P>I've been pretty calm, but I dont' know how much more I can take. It's pretty ridiculous for these 2 professional adults to be acting like this.<P>I'm afraid the H is going to blow the whistle at their work and the whole town, who suspects now, (my H moved out) will know. They could both lose their jobs I guess. I'm worried about my 2 children and how they will deal with it. I'm ready to leave town. I am currently looking for a better place for the 3 of us!!!!!

Tulip, I really don't know what to think about your H's reasons for riding around in the same vehicle as OW. If he wants you and the marriage, then he needs to keep distant from this OW. Maybe both of them need a dose of reality and someone needs to blow the whistle on them at work. I really don't know. They just seem to be so clueless as to what they are doing.<P>I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. It really ticks me off.<BR>Your H is making excuses and giving the OW the okay that they can still be "so called friends???"

tootrusting,<P>This is the most frustrating mess I have ever been in. I feel like my life is a soap opera! Well, I guess it is <P>I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this kind of crap too. Good Luck!<P>NoTrust,<P>Unfortunately, nobody seems to care that they are seeing each other at work. The OW's H called her boss and told him what was going on at work. The boss said that as long as they did their jobs, it didn't matter what was going on in their personal lives. Can you believe that one???? The whole thing just drives me crazy! <P>Also, the OW has called me from work and cussed me out. I told her if she did it again I would file harassment charges against her. That stopped the calls! <P>Thanks for you insight.<P>Tulip

Tulip; I am sorry that I am a little late responding to your post. I have not kept up with things here very much lately due to other things I have been involved with. I am a firm believer in the no contact rule. In order to mend any marriage that has suffered as a result of infidility, the betrayer must end all contact. This is for the simple reason that it hurts the betrayed. Also, no one can move on as long as the other person is in the picture. A person must put all of their time and effort into their S. (I am learning this one slowely). <P>I have mixed feelings about your H calling to to let you know where they were going. If there was nothing to it and it was all business, why explain. If he feels guilty and afraid that he may be caught, then he will try to make it something else other than what it is. I really believe if he was "not up to something" he would have called ahead of time to let you know that they would have to go to the job site together. Then again, he should never be in the same place with her for no reason, especially alone. It is very simple. If he loves you and wants to make your relationship better, then he should end all contact, NOW. This is not to much for you to ask of him.<P>This is probably not what you want to hear. I am sorry that you, and anyone else, have to go through things like this. These are just my thoughts, from a betrayer.<P>I wish you the best here and if you have any other questions that maybe I can help you with, please ask.<P>fs

fs,<P>Thanks so much for you reply. I have now gone to Plan B since my H feels he is not obligated to help pay for his children and the fact that he is not willing to have no contact with the ow. My H is quite angry with me as I insisted that he pay child support since he has not done so in 8 months.<P>I agree with everything you said. I he wants his cake and eat it too. He is not going to get that with me. At least not anymore. <P>I don't really think that he feels very guilty about what he is doing. Maybe if he has no contact with me eventually he will see the light of day. Again, thanks for your reply. <P>Tulip