Steve suggested Plan B today. I am so upset,I cant imagine being away from H after 18 years of marriage. What a bomb to drop on me. Plan B seems like a living hell,but my life has been a living hell the last few months. I never imagined the emotinal pain was so intense for the betrayed. Is anyone else out there on plan B? bethn

Dear Bethn<BR>I know how you feel,I myself have been advised to do the same by Steve.How long has it been going on?How long since discovery?It seems Steve gives a time limit of about 6 months and then urges a plan B.I too have been devastated thinking about this step but I guess I have to seriously consider it as H <BR>shows no intention of leaving Ow and working on our marriage.(He is having an affair with a woman abroad)In my case he has to travel especially to see her under pretense of Business trips ,he is going every 10 days now for a weekend with her.It has been so so excruciating for me and I keep hoping he'll wake up soon but I really no signs .I suppose Steve really means to protect our <BR>dwindling love for our H's as they continue to harm us this way.I too am battling with time and hope and pray it'll end before getting to plan B ,but I am begining to see it is only wishful thinking on my part and I am seeing the sense of a harsher move that MIGHT snap him out of his addiction...<BR>I pray for you and all those who are in this hell called plan A with H's who are going around half crazed most of the time.God bless

bethn,<P>I'm too am curious...<P>How long has it been going on?<BR>How long since discovery?<BR>How long have you been doing <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>?...<P>It must have been a pretty good <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... for Steve to recommend going to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>! I know he is not tied to the 6 month time frame (he's keeping me and Chris and terri and few others... in longer term <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>s.<P>There are a few folks here in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>...<BR>WilliamJ(Bill), Medic(Tim), Murphy(Murph)...<BR>Bonnet(Jo), Mental(Nancy), Susan(Sue...divorced), willbok99...<P>When posting... put into your subject/topic "xyz... <B><I>for those in Plan B</I></B>"... you'll get more focused responses!<P>Have you checked out my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Archives/Archive-000001/HTML/20000110-1-011323.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101</A>...and...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Archives/Archive-000001/HTML/20000110-1-011046.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 101</A> posts?<P>Plan B... from almost every account is <B>very</B> hard... because it is shuting down the natural <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver</A> in all of us... <P>Do come to get support here to take you through the early early stages of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>... the first week is so incredibly hard... but in time it gets easier!!!<P>Have you written your <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> letter yet?... There are some references to some good examples on my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Archives/Archive-000001/HTML/20000110-1-011046.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 101</A> post... and WilliamJ had a great letter he posted to all at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000032.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan-B Letter; The final cut...</A>.<P>I hope all this helps...<P>Praying for you on this... <P>Do come here <B>often</B> for moral support!!!<P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited March 25, 2000).]

JIm, excuse my not so good typing.H asked for divorce in NOv. out of the blue.WE seperated briefly in Jan.,4 days. My first clue that something was going on was in Nov.<BR>Teenage son and I discovered on - line sexual letter to my H that H had saved.Gradually, since then I have discovered other women H has correponded with.Right now I believe there may be just one Ow he is communicating with. <BR>I have been doing plan for just a few weeks.<BR>What do you think Jim and others?I think Steve is trying to save what love I have left.And also he says myself and children need protection from emotional pain.Thanks for your prayers.Yes,I have drafted letter.You stated that 2 people are divorced that are on plan b,that is scary at least I am still with H .Did being on plan b bring about divorce?bethn<BR>

bethn,<P>I definitely don't want to question Steve (I'm sure he found out a lot more details than I have)<P>I'm sure...that since discovery your actions must have been <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>-like... and with all your work... the amount of love you have for your H has diminished to a <B>very</B> low point. Otherwise he would not have recommended <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>!<P>About your <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> letter...<BR>...feel free to post it here on the forum...<BR>No one will put you down for it...<BR>...and you'll get a tremendous amount of constructive criticism.... <BR>Is Steve going to review it too... before you send it?<P>Protecting yourself and your children <B>is</B> important whether you are in <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> or <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>!<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> isn't supposed to "cause" the divorce... but... (from the book) <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>(#4.) If the (betrayed) spouse follows the plans (A & B), and they(the plans) fail, the (betrayed) spouse would no longer have any feelings of love for the wayward spouse. (page 76 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...so the completion of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> may make a divorce an easier process... since <B>you</B> will have grown during it!<P>I hope that helps... <P>BTW... seems to be one of the slowest weekends I've ever seen!<P>Jim

Hi,<BR>Jim seems to have mentioned me. I am not divorced yet. Yes I am in my own Plan B. I was not the best Plan A person....didn't know about the Plan stuff until he was long gone. But I think many people plan A without even knowing that it exists, maybe just human nature and love.<P>I had to plan B to save me from the emotional roller coaster that my stbx has put me and the children on. It has saved my sanity because I don't have to listen to the lies and nasty words and the "pretending" that he seems to like to do. Plan B is so hard when there are children involved. That is why I have caller ID. Then the girls can answer the phone and I don't have to hear his voice. Sometimes I need to talk to him concerning the girls....but I make it short and sweet.<P>I am not sure about the Quote Jim put in.....I have not really lost the love for my spouse because of Plan A & B. It is still there. But it does give you a chance to breath and think of yourself, and that is really important. You have a lot less emotional days and can really start seeing things in a less foggy way.<P>I still think about him....sometimes still miss him...but it is just different. Hurts still but a different kind of hurt.<P>Good luck to you.....wishing you the best.<BR>Nancy

Dear Nancy,Ilove your user name, mental because I can relate to that.I cant talk much now.Keep in touch.Bethn <P>Dear Nabilqad,Keep in touch also as you approach Plan B.My prayers to you.bethn